Revenge Is Sweet
by Rickman'sGirl-15
Summary: Hermione has had enough of the snarky Potions Professor. She decides that the time has come to get a little revenge...With the help of Harry and Ron, of course. Ch 11: Same ol' Song-And-Dance Routine. Snape and Draco are the entertainment! and ALT SCENES!
1. Plotting

Revenge Is Sweet  
  
Summary: Snape is treating the Gryffindor trio worse than ever in their final year at Hogwarts. Well, they have had enough! It's time to get a little revenge on the potion's master...  
  
Author's Note: I love dearest Sevvie with all my heart, but I just had to see what would happen if Harry, Ron, and Hermione decided that a little payback was in order. Brace yourself because poor Sev is about to suffer a little humility. WARNING: Things from the 5th book are used in this story. I am also going to bend the rules for some stuff a little.  
  
Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
********************  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Why that-that greasy git!" Ron said, crushing the piece of parchment he was holding in one hand. Ron, Harry, and Hermione were exactly one month into their seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All three of them were still, surprisingly, taking potions with Snape. Snape, however, was not too pleased with this, and he let them know every time they were within ten yards of him. The past month of taking his class had been the worst yet! He was constantly taking points off Gryffindor for the most trivial of things (for example, Harry had spilled a teaspoonful of some gooey liquid just the other day which had resulted in a deduction of 20 points), and he made snide remarks about everything from their potion being a shade too dark to one of them having chopped a section of some root bigger than the others. He didn't just vocalize his belittling remarks, however. He also took to writing them on their homework. The latter is what caused Ron to throw a fit one day after a double potions lesson. There were other students in the class besides just Slytherins and Gryffindors (there weren't too many seventh years taking the class anymore), but it was still mostly Slytherins.  
  
"That evil, slimy-" Ron continued, both hands doubled into fists that were shaking at his sides.  
  
"Ron! Would you be quiet?" Hermione began, looking wildly around for anyone who might be listening. "At least wait to gripe about him until we're out of the dungeons."  
  
"I should have quit his class when I had the chance!" Ron was shouting now. Harry, who was walking behind Ron, gave him a bit of a shove to get his attention. Ron was able to catch himself before falling. He turned to face Harry and glared at him.  
  
"Did you not hear Hermione?" Harry asked, completely ignoring the stare and walking past Ron to the stairs leading out of the dungeons. "Gripe about him later." Ron mumbled something unintelligible, but followed them up the stairs and out of the dungeons anyway. Once they were seated at their house table in the Great Hall, Ron began his tirade again.  
  
"I cannot believe him! Doesn't he ever get bored with making our lives miserable?" Ron sat rigid in his seat for a moment before pulling a basket of rolls toward him. His fist was still curled around the piece of parchment.  
  
"Is that your homework?" Harry asked, nodding at the parchment. Ron blinked at Harry before looking at his fist. With the strenuous effort of letting go plainly written on his face, Ron opened his fist and half-heartedly tossed it in Harry's direction. Harry picked it up and smoothed it out before him so he could read it. It was the report on moonstones they had turned in three days ago. Snape had graded them and given them back. Harry and Hermione had stuffed their reports into their bags without looking at them the moment they'd gotten them back. They knew exactly what was going to happen; Snape had, of course, written more sneering remarks on them. If they had read them when they'd been returned, then their tempers would've gotten the better of them. In other words, they didn't do exactly what Ron had done. They had to practically drag Ron out the door to keep him from launching himself at Snape right then and there.  
  
Harry looked down at Ron's paper. In his opinion, the essay was fine. Ron had centered the title perfectly, it was written legibly, and the sentences were complete. The paper also made sense! Snape, however, could find fault with anything. Ron's entire paper was marked with the scrawling writing of Severus Snape. He only marked out one or two sentences in the beginning, maybe a word here and there. As the essay went on, however, he discovered that Snape had even marked out entire paragraphs! At the bottom of the essay were Snape's comments. It said:  
  
Did not organize thoughts well. Gives accurate impression that you did  
no research whatsoever.  
  
Right below that was Ron's grade. 'Ouch,' thought Harry. After seeing this, he was a little afraid to look at his own essay. Ron had worked hard on his and, contrary to what Snape had written, Ron had done a good bit of research for it. Harry, however, hadn't worked quite as hard. Harry set Ron's essay next to him again. Ron gave it a disgusted look before shoving it into his bag and returning to his chicken wings. Harry reached under the table into his own bag and pulled out his own essay. It looked similar to Ron's. Sentences were first marked out and then paragraphs. At the bottom was another comment from Snape. It read:  
  
Unoriginal and unexciting. You obviously put no effort into the essay.  
Appears to have been thrown together carelessly.  
  
Harry looked below that to his grade. It was worse than Ron's. Harry heard a sharp intake of breath from Hermione. Harry looked at her. She was staring down at a piece of parchment, eyes wide. It was her essay on moonstones. There weren't nearly as many marks on her paper, but Snape's comment was pretty long. Harry was beginning to read it when Hermione crumpled up the essay in both hands. Harry looked up at her face. She was bright red as she began sputtering with rage.  
  
"That-that horrible, ugly old-" Hermione seemed to be at a loss for what to say at this point. There were so many good insults running through her head. How could she pick just one? She opened her mouth to speak again when a silky voice spoke from behind them.  
  
"Would you care to finish that sentence, Miss Granger?" Hermione stopped crushing her homework between her fists at the sound of Professor Snape speaking. Harry looked across the table at Ron. He had stopped eating at the sight of Snape; his mouth went a little slack as his eyes grew wide. Harry groaned inwardly and turned around to face Snape. Hermione was also facing him. It was obvious she was trying very hard to not say the things that had gone through her mind seconds before. It was obvious to Snape as well. There was an amused smirk playing across his pale lips as he looked at Hermione.  
  
"Well, Miss Granger?"  
  
"No sir," Hermione said forcefully.  
  
"Very well then." He inclined his head a little at them before continuing to the head table. Ron went back to his food, and Harry pulled a bowl of soup toward him. Hermione, however, remained exactly as she was, staring daggers at the potions master.  
  
"Somehow, I am going to make that man pay!" she muttered under her breath, unbeknownst to Harry and Ron.  
  
~  
  
Through the rest of the day, Hermione had trouble concentrating during classes. McGonagall had to go as far as saying Hermione's name twice and shouting it shrilly once to get her attention. 'Mione couldn't help it, though. Her thoughts kept drifting to one word: revenge. She wanted it so bad she could taste it. So, just before dinner, Hermione began writing "The List."  
  
~  
  
After dinner, the Gryffindor trio could be found sitting in the common room. Ron and Harry were playing a game of wizard chess. Hermione was sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs not too far from them, but she wasn't paying them any attention nor was her nose stuck in a book like it usually was. She was just sitting there, staring at the wall with a blank expression on her face. Harry and Ron had noticed how strange Hermione was acting. They also knew that it had started after lunch. To be more precise, it started after the encounter with Snape. They were finding it difficult to stay focused on the game in front of them with 'Mione just sitting there, staring at the wall across the room. They shot her worried glances for twenty minutes before Harry finally spoke to her.  
  
"Hermione, are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah Harry, I'm fine," she said, still staring at that blasted wall. Harry narrowed his eyes and was about to speak again when, abruptly, Hermione stood. She looked at Harry and Ron, made a 'follow me' motion, and walked out of the portrait hole. Ron looked at Harry, shrugged, and got up to follow her. They walked along several different corridors, none of them speaking. Ron had tried to ask what was up, but was immediately hushed by Hermione. They were walking toward one particular corridor when Hermione stopped suddenly. A look of great concentration came over her face before she continued walking again. After walking ten feet, she stopped again and turned around to walk in the other direction. Harry and Ron stopped in their tracks when they saw this. Hermione had just walked past them for the second time when Harry realized what she was doing. His confusion grew. 'But why...?' he just started thinking when the door to the Room of Requirement appeared. Hermione grinned broadly before walking through it, beckoning for the others to follow. The first thing Harry noticed was the small round table in the middle of the room. The second thing he noticed was that the entire room was dark, except for the table which was bathed in light. On the table was a small stack of parchment, along with three quills and three bottles of ink. Sitting around the table were three straight- backed chairs positioned at even intervals. Ron turned to face Hermione as Harry continued to look around the room.  
  
"Okay, Hermione. We're here. Now, are you going to tell us what's going on, or what?"  
  
"I brought you here," she began, walking to the table and sitting in one of the chairs, "to discuss something. Sit down, you two." She gestured at the other chairs. Ron sent Harry a worried look before they both obediently sat. Hermione was quiet for a moment before beginning.  
  
"Have you noticed how Snape has been acting this year?"  
  
"Well," Harry said, "he doesn't seem to be acting any different to me; just as horrible as ever."  
  
"No, Harry. He's been worse. A lot worse. He didn't used to jump down our throats if we did something like put the bottle of newt's eyes too far to the right when we put it back on the shelf. And now he's started writing those nasty comments on our homework papers. I got a look at Malfoy's essay today," she said, looking from Ron to Harry and back. "There weren't any comments on it. He's only doing it to us."  
  
"Oh come on, 'Mione!" Harry said, sitting straighter in his chair. "Do you really expect him to write comments on Malfoy's homework? Draco's been kissing Snape's butt for years now!" Ron nodded his agreement.  
  
"Harry, when I say that he's only doing it to us, I mean it. I got a look at a couple of the Ravenclaw's papers. There weren't any comments on them, either." Harry sat back in his chair, looking at her. Her eyes were pleading with him to just go along with what she was saying. Harry sighed heavily.  
  
"So what if Snape is treating us worse? What are we going to do about it?" Hermione's eyes brightened.  
  
"Have you guys ever heard the saying 'revenge is sweet?'" Ron and Harry nodded slowly. "That's exactly what we're going to do!" she said, slapping the table. Harry's eyes widened with understanding, but Ron's brow furrowed with confusion.  
  
"What are we going to do?" Ron asked. Harry looked over at him, feeling a little shocked.  
  
"We're going to get revenge on Snape," Harry told him. It was Ron's turn to widen his eyes in surprise.  
  
"And how, may I ask," Ron looked back at Hermione, "are we going to do that?" Hermione smiled.  
  
"I'm glad you asked." She stood up and pulled a roll of parchment from her robes. She unfolded it and laid it down in the middle of the table. Harry and Ron stood up to get a better look at it. The title on the page was "The List." Underneath the title, the paper was divided into two sections. One section was titled 'spells' and the other 'potions.' Under the subtitles were bulleted lists that went on for at least a foot of parchment. Ron's and Harry's mouths dropped open a little before looking up at Hermione. She smiled at the two of them.  
  
"Are you in?" They both nodded. "Okay, here's what we're going to do..."  
  
*****************  
  
Please review and tell me what you think so far. I'm planning on making the second chapter longer and funnier, but only if I get reviews! Thanks! 


	2. Food, Flirting, and Threats

A/N: Thanks to Exotria for the wonderful review! Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best? She was my inspiration for this chapter, so big round of applause for Lis!  
  
Remember those rules we talked about? Well, they are about to be bent, possibly even broken. You have been warned...  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
*************  
  
Chapter 2 - 'Phase One' begins  
  
Harry awoke the next morning with a feeling of dread. He, Ron, and Hermione had spent three hours the previous night going over Hermione's list of ways to get back at Snape. They weren't going to be able to do all of the things Hermione had listed, but they were going to do several of them throughout the coming year. Today was the start of it all, or "Phase One" as 'Mione called it. Harry groaned and rubbed his hands over his face when he remembered what Hermione had in mind for Snape tonight. It, unfortunately, involved Harry. You see, ever since Harry had met Tonks he'd been obsessed with wanting to learn to be a Metamorphmagus. After much coaxing, Tonks agreed to teach Harry how to become one, but warned him that it would most likely be impossible for him to be very skilled at it. Harry, however, had proved to be a quick learner. It had taken nearly a year to master, but now he was quite good at changing his physical appearance. Hermione had decided that this could be used to their advantage. Especially since not many people knew about it. Harry sighed and, deciding it was no use to put off the inevitable, got out of bed. It was time to head to the Great Hall for breakfast.  
  
~  
  
Hermione was already seated at the Gryffindor table when Harry walked in a few minutes later. Ron, however, wasn't anywhere to be found.  
  
"Already sent him to distract Snape, have you?" Harry asked, sitting across from her. They were at the very end of the table, Hermione sitting on the side that would put her closest to Snape's usual seat at the head table. Breakfast wasn't due to start for another twenty or so minutes, so the Great Hall was pretty much deserted save for the pair of them. Hermione had wanted to make sure that nothing could go wrong, so she made Harry and Ron get up extra early on a Saturday of all days! 'But at least,' Harry thought, yawning, 'I didn't get Ron's job. Poor Ron.' Then the thought of what Harry was going to be doing later hit him, and he shuddered. He would much rather have Ron's job then do what was ahead of him. It was their first Hogsmeade weekend for crying out loud! Hermione was just determined to ruin it for him. Harry scowled at the table top. He still couldn't believe he had let Hermione talk him into even thinking about it! Hermione glanced at him and knew exactly what he was thinking.  
  
"We don't have another choice, Harry. I told you that I heard Professor McGonagall talking with Flitwick about all the professors getting together at the Three Broomsticks this afternoon. It will be our best opportunity!" Harry looked at her, still scowling.  
  
"What's to say that Snape will even be there? Won't he melt or something when the sun hits his skin?" Hermione smiled slightly.  
  
"I think Dumbledore will make him go, whether he wants to or not." Harry slumped on the table, defeated. Hermione smiled at him again. The doors to the Great Hall opened just then, and a few students filed inside to take their seats. Dumbledore and a couple of the other professors also arrived at the head table. Hermione checked the time. Only ten minutes to go...  
  
~  
  
Ron came running into the Great Hall fifteen minutes later, red in the face and breathless. He was right on time. Hermione had just finished charming the food that had appeared in front of Snape's empty seat.  
  
"Well," she asked, slipping her wand back inside her robes, "is he on his way?"  
  
"After threatening to put me in detention for the rest of my life, yeah," Ron breathed heavily. He sat down next to Harry and began piling scrambled eggs onto his plate. Barely seconds later, the doors burst open and in walked Severus Snape, robes billowing behind him as usual. He shot a contemptuous look at the trio as he walked past them. They were trying very hard to not stare at the surly professor as he took his seat and began piling food onto his plate from the dishes Hermione had charmed. The first fork full of eggs was halfway to his mouth when Flitwick began speaking to him. He set the fork back on his plate. 'Drat!' thought Hermione. 'Stop chatting and eat.' The spell Hermione had cast changed the way the food would taste. Snape's breakfast was not going to be very pleasant. Unless he enjoyed bacon that tasted like grass, toast that tasted like sardines, sausage that tasted like leather, and eggs that had no taste at all. Hermione smiled when she thought about this. 'I sometimes even amaze myself.' Her mind was pulled from its musing, however, when Snape picked up his fork again. 'Almost,' Hermione thought, 'almost...' The fork reached Snape's mouth. 'Yes!'  
  
The look on Snape's face was priceless! It was somewhere between utter confusion and sheer bewilderment. He chewed, swallowed, and stared at his plate. The eggs had, of course, been charmed to taste like absolutely nothing. If this was his reaction to the eggs, Hermione couldn't wait to see him try the toast. She looked at Harry and Ron, who were on the other side of the table. They were also watching Snape out of the corner of their eyes, waiting to see what would happen next. Hermione returned her attention to Snape. He was pushing the eggs around on his plate, still looking very confused. Then, to Hermione's wondrous delight, he put his fork down and picked up his toast. Snape took a big bite and chewed on the piece of toast for a moment. Another peculiar look stole over his features before he...GAGGED! Rather loudly, I must add. So loudly in fact that it drew the attention of the other professors. Ron was taking a drink at the moment this happened. He almost dropped the cup. Snape grabbed his napkin and spit the piece of toast into it.  
  
"Severus, are you alright?" Professor Flitwick asked, looking concerned.  
  
"Yes, yes," Snape said rubbing at his mouth. He gave the rest of his food a scornful look before standing up. "I believe I've lost my appetite. Excuse me." Before stepping away from the head table, Snape paused and looked around at the students, no doubt trying to spot the guilty party. His gaze lingered at the Gryffindor table. The three hurriedly fixed their features into what they hoped was anything but guilty, but they didn't look at him. Snape scowled in their direction before continuing out of the Great Hall. As soon as the doors closed behind him, they began to laugh.  
  
"Oh, the look on his face when he tried the toast!" Ron said, wiping at his eyes.  
  
"I liked his expression after the eggs," said Harry.  
  
"Well," Hermione said, looking toward the doors, "that was only the beginning..."  
  
~  
  
"Hermione, please don't make me do this!" Harry begged her for the hundredth time in the past hour. They were in Hogsmeade, standing just inside the doorway of the shop across from the Three Broomsticks. They were waiting for the professors to arrive.  
  
"Harry, it's the next logical step. Besides, no one is going to know it's you!"  
  
"Yeah, but I will," Harry said, looking forlorn. Ron made a noise behind him. Harry turned around and glared.  
  
"I was just clearing my throat!"  
  
"Yeah, I just bet you were. You've been laughing every few minutes."  
  
"Hey, I can't help it! When I think about what you're going to do..." Ron snickered again. Harry was about to say something, but Hermione beat him to it.  
  
"Ron, if you don't shut up he won't do it at all." Harry looked back at her.  
  
"Who says I'm still going to do it?" Hermione turned around to face him.  
  
"Oh Harry, please don't-"  
  
"Here they come!" hissed Ron, backing up a few steps. Hermione whipped around to look. Sure enough, there were most of the professors from Hogwarts, walking toward the Three Broomsticks. Hermione's heart jumped to her throat. Was Snape...? Yes, there he was! He was at the very back of the group, looking more sullen than ever.  
  
"Okay, let them get settled and then Ron and I will go inside. We'll sit at the table next to the windows and signal you when it's time for you to come. Okay?" Harry didn't say anything. He was suddenly feeling a little sick...Hermione turned to look at him. "Please, Harry," she said. He scowled at her.  
  
"Oh, alright!" Hermione threw her arms around his neck in a quick hug before grabbing Ron's wrist and dragging him into the Three Broomsticks. Harry stepped behind a little outcropping of wall so no one would see him transform. 'Here goes,' he thought, taking a deep breath. The next second, a woman was standing in Harry's place. A very beautiful brunette, to be more specific. She had wavy hair that looked kind of like Hermione's, high cheek bones, and very long legs. Harry kept his eyes, though. Hermione had told him to change the color, but he decided against it. Harry looked down at himself. He was now wearing a very red shirt with a very red skirt. The shirt was positively clinging to him and the skirt was too short. Harry was tempted to change the outfit to jeans and a shirt, but Hermione would kill him. So, bracing himself, he stepped out from behind the wall. This earned him stares from every male in the shop and a catcall from the clerk. Harry threw them a 'don't mess with me look' over his shoulder before stepping outside and staring at the window of the Three Broomsticks. After a second, Hermione motioned at him. 'Here we go...' he thought, cringing. Harry walked through the door and tried to remain unnoticed, for the moment at least. He was able to make it to a table towards the back pretty easily. The table wasn't too far from the professors, however, so Harry could easily hear what they were saying.  
  
"Severus," Dumbledore said, slapping the potions master on the back, "Why don't you get the drinks for us?" Severus shot the headmaster daggers, but Dumbledore didn't seem to notice as everyone gave Snape their order. Snarling a little, Snape stood and walked to the bar to get the drinks. Harry looked over at Hermione, hoping feebly that he might yet get out of this. Hermione, however, jerked her head in Snape's direction and mouthed "go." Harry took another deep breath and stood. Ron was never going to let him live this one down...  
  
Harry walked between the tables toward the bar, swinging his hips as Hermione had told him to. He felt heads turn in his direction, but tried to ignore them. Harry found himself standing behind Snape all too soon. He smiled a strained smile before placing his hand on Snape's shoulder.  
  
"Hi there," he said, moving close to Snape's side as he slid his hand down his shoulder to Snape's hand. All the while he was thinking, 'This is not my body. This is not my body.' "Buy me a drink?" he asked, trying to not look revolted. Snape looked at him, slight surprise in his eyes.  
  
"What are you drinking?" he asked on a sigh.  
  
"A butterbeer would be great." Snape ordered him one. When it came, Harry took his hand off of Snape's to take it from him. He took a long, slow sip from the bottle, perfectly aware that Snape was watching him intently. Harry had to suppress the notion to gag.  
  
"So," Harry started, after taking the bottle away from his lips, "what brings you out on a day like this?" Snape ignored him. "What's wrong?" he asked, sliding closer to Snape. "Not much of a conversationalist?" Snape looked at him finally. His eyes looked very annoyed.  
  
"Actually, no." He began setting the other professors' drinks onto a tray.  
  
"Oh, that's too bad," Harry said in a sultry voice. "I have stories that I'm sure you would find very interesting..." Snape looked at him again.  
  
"Another day perhaps?"  
  
"Perhaps," Harry said, starting to move away. "Thanks for the drink."  
  
"Oh, it was my pleasure," Snape said, watching him walk away. Harry practically ran to the bathroom once he was out of eyesight of Snape. It was a good thing no one else was in the men's room or else things might have gotten complicated. Harry transformed again. This time, he was a big burly guy with rippling biceps and a long ponytail. Harry looked at himself in the mirror. He did look a little foreboding...'Good,' he thought, walking out of the bathroom again. He looked toward the bar, hoping his opportunity wasn't lost. No, it wasn't. Snape was still there, gathering the drinks. Harry put on the angriest look he could muster before walking straight toward Snape.  
  
"You!" he yelled, pointing at Snape. "The one who was flirting with my woman!" Everyone grew quiet, staring mesmerized at the scene unfolding before them. Snape never had time to react. Harry was on him in an instant.  
  
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" he shouted again, grabbing Snape's robes and turning him around. "I better not ever catch you talking to her again! Understand?" Harry yelled in Snape's face, holding him by the front of his robes about a foot away from himself. Snape looked dumbfounded for an instant before regaining his composure.  
  
"Unhand me!" he yelled, yanking at Harry's hands.  
  
"I asked you if you understood what I'm saying?" Harry lifted Snape off the floor a couple of inches.  
  
"Please put my Potions Professor back on the ground," Dumbledore said, coming up behind Harry. Harry glanced at him over his shoulder before looking back at Snape.  
  
"Potions Professor, eh?" Harry sneered, putting Snape back down. "Well, now I know where to find you if you ever mess with my girl again. Remember that." Harry looked from Snape to Dumbledore and back before walking out the door. He walked a few shops down from the Three Broomsticks before ducking inside to change back. Once back outside, he leaned against the window and felt like he was going to be sick. He couldn't believe what he had just done! And in front of half the school, no less. Just then, Harry heard laughter. Very loud laughter. He looked up to see Ron and Hermione staggering toward him, absolutely howling.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione said, having to put her hand on the window for support. "That was-was BRILLIANT! You should've seen Snape's face after you stormed out the door." Hermione began laughing again.  
  
"Yeah, Harry," Ron said, clutching his side. "The whole place exploded after you stormed out. Even Dumbledore was chuckling." Ron laughed again as well.  
  
"Snape looked absolutely livid!" Hermione straightened and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You weren't half bad yourself, Harry. Thank you." Harry shrugged it off.  
  
"Yeah, well...It's no big deal."  
  
"No big deal?! Oh, Harry, I wish you could've seen his face! It would've made you feel a lot better." Harry smiled at them finally.  
  
"Can we go back to Hogwarts now?"  
  
"Of course," Hermione said, slipping one arm through Harry's and the other through Ron's. "Dinner is in a couple of hours." Ron and Harry looked at each other, horrified.  
  
"What are we going to do during dinner?" Ron asked. "Wasn't that enough for now?" Hermione ignored the last comment.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, you two. It's nothing major. I'm just going to make his dessert taste like leather."  
  
~  
  
Hermione was true to her word, too. Before dinner, she sneaked down to the kitchens and gave the elves the special dessert for Snape. She had charmed it to taste like leather. The word of what happened in the Three Broomsticks had spread like wildfire, and by the time dinner arrived, people were laughing behind Snape's back whenever he passed. Sometimes he noticed and sometimes he didn't. If he did, the ones who were caught received a month's detention with Filch. Snape was only halfway to the Great Hall when it became clear that Filch was going to be very busy for the next couple of months. Harry, Ron, and Hermione did their best to not look at him during dinner. Everyone else in the Great Hall, however, were not only looking at Snape frequently, they were also discussing the incident quite loudly. It seemed to be the favorite topic of conversation.  
  
Snape was looking around evilly at everyone when the food appeared. Breakfast seemed to come back to him when he saw the food. He looked at all of it accusingly before putting a small amount of potatoes on his plate. He scooped a small amount onto his fork before bringing it to his mouth. Finding that the potatoes actually tasted like potatoes, he felt braver and began putting more food on his plate. Satisfied that all his food tasted like it should, he ate his fill.  
  
When dessert arrived, Snape felt no inhibitions toward digging right into the cherry pie. He immediately regretted it. The pie tasted like old shoe leather. Snape swallowed instead of spitting it out. He excused himself from the head table for the second time that day before storming out of the Great Hall.  
  
"Well," Ron said, looking at Hermione, "I think we're off to a great start getting revenge."  
  
"Yeah," agreed Harry. "This has to have been one of the worst days of his life." Hermione grinned.  
  
"Yes, I think so, too. We won't do anything else for a couple of days, but this is far from over."  
  
********************  
  
So, what did you think? How was the idea with the food? The scene in the Three Broomsticks? And what has gotten into Hermione?! She's acting more Slytherin than Gryffindor, it seems. Please review! 


	3. Red & Gold & Lookalikes

Author's Note: Thanks to Mary, Green Sea Turtle, Lishel Fracrium, Draco- Malfoy-Vegeta-luvr, digimon-lover, Tiani Lunaris, AchrenDuaite, roze, Lissie89, and Ultimate Creed Fan for the wonderful reviews!  
  
~MESSAGES!~  
  
Green Sea Turtle: I know Tonks said that you can only be born a Metamorphmagus, but for the sake of this story just let your imagination go. Goodness knows I'll probably break a few more of the books' rules before all is said and done. I promise not to stray too far from them, though. Thanks for putting me on your favorites!  
  
Tiani Lunaris: I'm not good at keeping up with all the knew lingo out there. What does "KONGE" mean? Thanks for putting me on your favorites!  
  
Draco-Malfoy-Vegeta-luvr: I'm glad it made you laugh at seven in the morning. I usually do most of my best stuff around dawn...But this usually means that I didn't go to bed at all during the night. Please, no comments about the author's insanity, everyone. :) Thanks for adding me to your long list of favorites!  
  
Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
******************  
  
Chapter 3 - 'Phase Two'  
  
The Gryffindor trio decided to leave Snape alone for a few days after beginning their revenge the past Saturday. When Wednesday dawned sunny, however, Hermione decided that it was the perfect time to begin 'Phase Two.' In other words, it was the perfect time to let Snape know that someone was getting even with him, without revealing their identity of course. The first Quidditch match of the year (between Gryffindor and Slytherin) was going to be played later that evening. Hermione smiled. 'The Slytherins,' she thought, 'are going to get a real shock when they see their head of house at the match tonight. Probably no one will be more shocked than Snape himself, though, when he finds out.' Hermione's smile broadened as she thought of the look Snape would have when he found out. Before getting out of bed, Hermione went over the plan once more in her head. She reminded herself repeatedly that the spell would have to be cast one hour before the match. Snape was going to be surprised to see Hermione in the dungeons when she didn't have to be there. Hermione threw her covers over the side of her four-poster bed, stood, and began to dress.  
  
~  
  
"Professor Snape?" Draco Malfoy said, walking to stand in front of Snape's desk. Snape was bent over, his nose close to the piece of homework parchment he was scribbling on furiously. 'Stupid nitwit,' he thought, scratching out another sentence on the parchment. 'How hard is it to write a comprehensive essay?' Snape was so lost in his task that he didn't hear Malfoy speak.  
  
"Professor?" Malfoy repeated, hopping up and down on the balls of his feet. Snape finally noticed him.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said on a sigh, throwing the quill to the side and leaning back in his chair.  
  
"I was just wondering if you were going to be at the Quidditch match?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy. I will be there. Now you best hurry on and prepare yourself. The match is in-" Snape checked the time, "-one hours time." Draco smiled at his favorite professor.  
  
"We'll get the cup this year, sir. I'm sure of it." Snape had to squash the impulse to roll his eyes.  
  
"Yes," he drawled, but said no more. Malfoy stood before him for another few seconds before getting the hint and backing out the door slowly.  
  
"Well, see you at the match then..." He turned and walked quickly from the room, closing the door behind him. Snape smiled (A/N: yes, I said smiled!) to himself. He sometimes was impressed with his own intimidation abilities; even the student who adored him most was a little afraid of him. The slight smile completely vanished when there was a timid knock at the door. Snape really didn't feel like dealing with anyone else at the moment. A slight pounding had started behind his eyes...The knocking sounded again, louder and more insistent.  
  
"Enter," Snape snarled from between his teeth. 'Well,' he thought, 'at least this day can't get any worse...' He immediately regretted his words when who should walk in? None other than the Gryffindor know-it-all herself, Hermione Granger. Snape had to squash another impulse. This one was telling him to smash his head against his desk repeatedly. Instead, he ground his teeth together harder.  
  
"Yes, Miss Granger?" he finally managed to ask once she had come to a stop in front of his desk.  
  
"Professor I-I believe that I turned in the wrong homework the other day. I think I gave you my Transfiguration assignment instead." Snape quirked an eyebrow at her.  
  
"That is not my problem, Miss Granger."  
  
Hermione's courage began to waver a little, but she still managed to sound composed when she said, "Please Professor. I worked really hard on that assignment." Snape stared at her for a moment before sighing heavily and standing up. He turned to face the cabinet behind his desk that was used to hold papers, graded and ungraded. He had just touched the Advanced Potions homework papers when he heard something that sounded like muffled whispering coming from behind him. He then felt something lightly touch the back of his head. Snape whipped around so fast that he knocked most of the papers off the cabinet, sending them flying in all directions. Snape looked around wildly, trying to spot what had touched him. His gaze finally landed on Hermione, who was the only logical explanation.  
  
"What was that?" he asked, looking her directly in the eye. She still looked slightly awestruck at his reaction.  
  
"What was what?" she asked, regaining her voice. Snape said nothing; he only looked at her. Then he became aware of the mess surrounding his feet. The papers were everywhere. Hermione looked at the papers as well.  
  
"Actually, Professor Snape, I just remembered that we turned in the assignment I'm thinking of last week. Sorry for disturbing you." The pounding behind Snape's eyes intensified as Hermione turned and practically ran from the room. He sighed again as he drew out his wand. He gave a flick of his wrist, and the papers flew back into the correct order and back onto the cabinet. Snape sat back in his seat, regretting that he had to make an appearance at the approaching match. If the beginnings of the headache were any indication as to the strength the headache would be once full blown, then he was in for a rough evening.  
  
~  
  
Outside the potions classroom, Hermione was rubbing her hands together evilly and there was a mad glint in her eyes. Yes, everything was going well. Exactly the way she planned...  
  
~  
  
It was almost time for the Quidditch match to start. Severus stood from where he had been sitting behind his desk, straightened his robes, and walked out of his classroom and up the stairs leading out of the dungeons. There were students still walking out of the Entrance Hall and heading toward the Quidditch Pitch. Snape saw from the corner of his eye that some of them stopped mid-step to stare openly at him. He didn't even spare them the time it took to shoot a menacing glare in their direction. He continued walking toward where the game would be held. Along the way, many more students stopped walking and stared at him. Snape was slightly worried by the time he reached his seat with the other professors. It wasn't uncommon for him to get stares from whoever was around him, but those stares usually held great distaste or slight fear. The stares he'd seen while walking here had been ones of...great surprise. Especially the ones from Slytherin and Gryffindor students alike.  
  
The stares didn't stop once he reached his place with the others. In fact, the looks from the different professors were much more intense than the ones from the students. He sent them a look and most turned away, except for Minerva and Albus. They continued to stare, eyes a little wide. Snape sat between them, looking from one to the other.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, eyes landing on McGonagall, who looked very mad.  
  
"Are you mocking me, Severus?" She was beyond mad, she was absolutely livid.  
  
"What would make you think I'm mocking you, Minerva?" She looked at him like she didn't believe him. She opened her mouth to tell him so, but her words were lost when there was a great roaring sound from the Gryffindor side as the members of the team were called out. The sound had barely died away when the Slytherins did the same for their team. Severus clapped politely. Albus and Minerva looked at him again.  
  
"Would someone please tell me what is going on?!" This time, Dumbledore opened his mouth to respond, but was also drowned out by the roar of the crowd when the match began. The score was thirty-twenty in Slytherin's favor when Albus leaned over and whispered in Snape's ear.  
  
"Severus, when was the last time you looked in a mirror?" Snape felt sure that Dumbledore must be joking. He turned to face the headmaster and found complete seriousness in his eyes. The witty response on the tip of Snape's tongue died.  
  
"I do not know, Headmaster. Probably this morning. Why?" Albus smiled slightly, his eyes losing some of that seriousness.  
  
"I assume that you secretly hope Slytherin will take the Quidditch Cup this year?" Severus nodded slightly. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled brightly.  
  
"Well," Albus said, leaning closer to Snape to be heard above the roar of the crowd. Gryffindor just scored, tying the game. "I believe you are the victim of a practical joke." Snape's brow furrowed in confusion.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Your hair, Severus," Dumbledore paused for a moment. "Your hair has changed from it's usual black to red and gold. Gryffindor colors, I believe." Snape's eyes widened with shock. Red and gold? RED AND GOLD?! How had his hair been turned to GRYFFINDOR COLORS?! Snape closed his mouth, which had opened with the shock of it all. He felt very lightheaded suddenly...He excused himself from the match and hurried as fast as he could to the school. Once in his private rooms (decorated in Slytherin colors, of course) Snape hurried into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Dumbledore hadn't lied. His hair was, indeed, red and gold. It wasn't just a few streaks of color here and there, either. His ENTIRE head was red and gold! Snape felt like he was going to pass out...or be sick. Whichever came first.  
  
~  
  
Hermione was sitting in the midst of the Gryffindor pupils during the Quidditch match. Her attention wasn't on the match, however. It had been focused entirely on a certain Potions Master with red and gold hair. Hermione was laughing so hard her sides hurt. It was a pity Ron and Harry hadn't been able to see that. They were, of course, up in the air on their brooms. Harry was still Seeker and Ron was Keeper. They knew what Hermione's plans had been, and they promised that they were going to fly over the section where the professors were sitting to get a look at Snape's hair. 'Mione wasn't sure whether or not they had; she had been intently watching Snape with her magical binoculars as his eyes widened and his mouth hung open after Dumbledore had leaned over the whisper in his ear, no doubt telling Snape about the new color of his hair. It didn't really matter if they flew over the teachers to look at Snape because the spell would last for a good twenty-four hours, and tomorrow they had their double potions lesson. Hermione broke down into a fit of giggles once again. 'Man, this revenge stuff is fun!' she thought as Harry caught the Snitch to win the game for Gryffindor.  
  
~  
  
Snape was, once again, the main topic of conversation at dinner. No one could believe that they had seen the Gryffindor colors within ten yards of Severus Snape, let alone in his hair. Hermione assumed that he was in the dungeons trying to get the colors out when he didn't show up in the Great Hall that night. It became obvious that whatever he had tried the night before didn't work when the trio walked into the Great Hall for breakfast. Snape was sitting in his usual seat at the head table, scowl set in place, but it looked very funny on a man with painfully bright red and gold hair. In fact, it looked as if Snape's entire head was glowing a little.  
  
"Is that part of the spell?" Harry asked Hermione, nodding at Snape. Instead of sitting toward the middle like they usually did, the trio sat at the end of the table, closest to the Great Hall doors. The rest of the Gryffindors were sitting a little farther down. This gave them time to talk without much of a chance of being overheard.  
  
"Actually, it is. The spell intensifies before wearing off completely. By the end of the day, his hair will be as black as ever." The boys looked toward Snape who was glaring at the Ravenclaw table. There were two first year girls laughing and trying to point discreetly toward Snape.  
  
"So his hair is going to get brighter?" Ron asked, sounding a little awed.  
  
"Yep. It should be at its brightest for our potions lesson."  
  
"We'll be so blinded by that light that we won't be able to see anything!" said Harry, reaching for toast. Hermione just smiled. She began eating. She was lost in thought as she chewed on her food, looking at Snape every so often. After a minute, Hermione got one of those "Eureka!" looks and snapped her fingers, pulling the boys out of their own thoughts.  
  
"That will be the perfect time to do something else I've been working on! Snape will have a hard time seeing because of the brightness; it will be our best opportunity to pull it off!"  
  
"Pull what off?" Ron asked. Both he and Harry were looking at her a little confused.  
  
"It's a potion I've been working on. Don't worry about what it does right now. I still need one thing for it to work..." she said, looking hopefully at Harry.  
  
"What?! Why me?" he shouted, backing away from Hermione.  
  
"Because Ron distracted him last time. It's your turn." Hermione said, looking intently at him.  
  
"But...but," Harry stuttered. He leaned in closer to her and whispered, "Hermione, I was a WOMAN the last time. I think that would get me out of distracting Snape a couple more times."  
  
"But Harry, he didn't know that was you. He knew it was Ron who kept him from breakfast and me in the dungeons. It's your turn," she repeated firmly. Harry looked between her and Ron, crestfallen.  
  
"What 'exactly' do I have to do?" he asked, putting extra emphasis on "exactly".  
  
"I need some of Snape's hairs." Harry's mouth dropped.  
  
"How am I supposed to get those? Just go up and ask to borrow a couple?"  
  
"You could get them off his robes. That means you're going to have to touch him, Harry, and he'll have to know about it. Just walking behind him and trying to grab some won't work, considering the fact he walks too fast. You'll have to find some excuse to pat him on the back or something." Harry's mouth dropped again and Ron nearly choked to death from inhaling his cereal. Harry felt sick as breakfast came to a close around them.  
  
"You'll have to do it now, Harry, before Snape reaches the dungeons." Hermione grabbed Harry's bag for him as she and Ron started off toward their first class. Harry swallowed and followed Snape as he walked out the doors and headed in the direction of the dungeons. Then Harry got an idea...Snape didn't have to know it was him. He was a Metamorphmagus, after all. Harry ducked into a dark corner. When he emerged, he looked like a boy with the same height and a similar build, but his hair was a much lighter color. Harry mentally counted to three and...ran right at Snape!  
  
Harry yelled, "Nice hair, Professor!" just before grabbing a handful of Snape's robes and jerking downward. Harry got a few hairs before letting Snape go and taking off again. The force Harry had put into grabbing the Potions Master had left Snape sitting on his rear in the middle of the Entrance Hall, amidst a chorus of laughter. When Harry reached the next empty corridor, he transformed again and ducked into a girl's washroom. The door had just closed behind him when Harry heard loud shouting.  
  
"GET BACK HERE YOU INSOLENT, LITTLE-" the rest of Snape's words, however, were lost as Snape went flying past the girl's washroom, trying to find the boy who had knocked him over. Harry looked down at his fist. He had managed to grab six of Snape's hairs, mostly red from the looks of it. 'This better be enough for Hermione, because I don't think we'll be able to get anymore,' he thought, looking around the washroom. He was alone. Good. Harry stepped out carefully and headed for the Transfiguration classroom.  
  
~  
  
"Harry, why won't you tell us how you got the hairs?" Ron asked Harry again as they walked into the potions classroom.  
  
"Shut up, Ron!" both Harry and Hermione said out of the corner of their mouths. Ron pouted a little, but remained quiet as they took their seats.  
  
"Where is he?" Hermione asked, looking around. Harry didn't have a chance to answer, because Snape came storming in at that moment. Hermione had been right; Snape's head was very bright now. So bright in fact that everyone had to keep their eyes averted from his face. Harry looked at Malfoy instead. The platinum-blonde Slytherin looked like he had been force-fed poison. Draco had seen Snape for the first time at breakfast that morning. He had gone deathly pale at the sight before walking slowly to the Slytherin table and not eating much breakfast. Harry smiled at the memory.  
  
"Just because you cannot look directly at me is no excuse to not pay attention!" Snape interrupted Harry's thoughts. "Your instructions are on the board," Snape waved his wand at the board in the corner. "You have the entire period. Begin." Everyone went to their respective cauldrons to begin the assignment. Then, one by one, they went to the student cupboard to get the ingredients. Hermione also got the necessary items, Harry noticed, but along with a few other things as well. When she began mixing the ingredients, Harry saw that she was also doing that differently. After about an hour, Hermione added Snape's hair strand by strand to the cauldron. Hermione had been right, apparently. With Snape's head being of an almost blinding quality, he couldn't stalk around the room like he usually did, breathing down people's necks. Instead, he stood leaning against the wall in the corner across from the board. Harry thought that he was still watching people carefully, but he couldn't be sure since he couldn't see his eyes. He wasn't even sure Snape could still see them at all!  
  
"Harry, I'm going to blow the cauldron in about ten minutes," Hermione whispered to him. "We all three need to be in the blast like the rest of the class so it doesn't look suspicious. Tell Ron." Harry gave a slight nod of compliance before telling Ron.  
  
"What is it going to do to us?" Ron asked, slightly worried.  
  
"I have no idea, but just trust Hermione. Okay?" Ron nodded. Ten minutes later, Hermione looked at Harry and nodded. Harry then looked at Ron and nodded. They were ready. Hermione put in the tiny drop of dragon's blood needed to make the potion explode. While dragon's blood didn't usually make things explode, Hermione had added a few ingredients to the potion that would react violently with the blood. It only took a few seconds for the potion to begin whistling dangerously. Snape straightened away from the wall.  
  
"What the-" was all he was able to get out before the potion exploded. It took a couple of minutes before everything settled enough for anyone to see. The entire classroom was drenched in the gooey green liquid, including everyone in the classroom. Except Snape, who was out of range. They began to wipe the goo out of their eyes when Snape spoke again.  
  
"Who did-" but he was cut off again. This time, it was because of the spell cast on his hair. Snape closed his eyes tight as it turned its brightest yet, blinding everyone for a moment. Then, it disappeared. The brilliant light was gone, and Snape's hair was back to normal. Snape sighed and opened his eyes. Then he jumped back in shock, his shoulder smacking the wall painfully. What he was looking at was...himself! Snape stared for a moment at what appeared to be an image of himself. No, that can't be right...The image was shorter, younger looking somehow. Snape took a deep breath and pushed off the wall, rubbing his shoulder tenderly. He walked over to the image and took a closer look. No, it couldn't be...  
  
"Professor? What happened?" Snape jumped back in shock again. It was MALFOY!  
  
"Malfoy?" Snape said aloud. Draco nodded. Hair identical to Snape's swung in his face. Malfoy saw it for the first time, got a horrified look on his face, and looked around at the other students. Snape looked around as well. Every one of them looked just like Snape. 'No, not just like,' he thought, taking a closer look. Looking just like him would've taken something like the Polyjuice Potion. But there were others that would allow someone to take on the similar physical characteristics of another. That is what happened, Snape decided. Everyone in the class had Snape's long hair and pale complexion, but other than that, they were still the same. However, brewing something like that potion would've required some of the person they were going to change into. That's when Snape remembered the incident in the Entrance Hall...Some of his hairs could've been pulled then, but was that boy in the room now? If not, how did the potion get brewed right under his nose? Normally, Snape would've made everyone else help with cleaning the classroom, but he flicked his wrist and did it himself instead.  
  
"Who's potion was that?!" Snape roared once everything was cleaned up and back in place. It was rather strange to be yelling at a room full of people who looked just like him...  
  
"Well? Who's was it?" he asked again, looking around at everyone. "I have ways of finding out..." Still, no one moved. It had been a bluff. The potion spreading like it did would make it difficult to tell who's it was. He could try, though...  
  
"Very well. You will all be spending a week in detention. I will talk with Filch and the other professors to work out where you will all go. We will try the original assignment again tomorrow. Dismissed."  
  
"You mean we have to stay like this?" wailed one of the Hufflepuffs. Snape scowled at her. "It should wear off in a couple of days, but yes, you do have to stay like that for now." The Hufflepuff looked near tears.  
  
~  
  
"Okay, Hermione. What was the point of the potion?" Ron asked. They were back inside the Room of Requirement. They couldn't talk in the common room because they kept getting disturbed by other students asking about what happened. They had been like this for barely three hours, and everyone who looked like Snape now had a nickname: Mini-Snape! You could hear it being yelled all throughout the corridors.  
  
"What do you mean 'what was the point'?" Hermione yelled at him. "The point was to get it through Snape's skull that these things are happening for a reason. I think he's beginning to figure it out. He didn't react quite as badly as I thought he would." Hermione looked over at Harry. He was playing with his new hair again.  
  
"Harry, would you please stop that? It's very distracting." Harry looked over at her, a slight blush on his cheeks.  
  
"Sorry, 'Mione," he said.  
  
"Okay," she said, looking back down at "The List." "What we're going to do next is-"  
  
"What?!" yelled Ron. "We're still doing more?"  
  
"Yes, Ron. I believe it has now turned into a race to see if Snape can figure out who we are either before we strike again or before the year is over. I don't intend to lose." Harry and Ron stared at her, the long hair falling in their eyes.  
  
"Please, guys. Don't back out on me now." Harry and Ron looked at each other before looking back at Hermione and nodding. Hermione grinned. 'Okay Snape,' Hermione thought, 'if it's a race you want then a race you shall have...'  
  
********************  
  
That was the longest chapter I have ever written for anything. I hope it was a good enough follow up for the brilliance of Chapter 2. :) Please review and let me know! 


	4. In The Spotlight

A/N: School is starting soon, so I won't be able to update quite as quickly. I am continuing the story, though, so don't worry about that! Just don't expect the updates to occur in a very timely fashion.  
  
Thanks to Lissie89, Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva, and DreamShadow1 for the wonderful reviews!  
  
Big hug to my Beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
*************  
  
Chapter 4 - 'Phase Three'  
  
The trio left Snape alone for the next month. Hermione had been right; Snape was determined to figure out what was going on. It was obvious he suspected the trio more than everyone else who despised him. He watched all three of them constantly. He always had one eye on them during meals, in the classroom, and even in the corridors. Harry and Ron thought that Snape was also following them a little. Hermione, however, was too mad at the professor to notice the stalking. She knew exactly what their next move would be, but Snape's careful watching prevented her from taking action. Goodness knows she had tried, but Snape was always watching his back now. So when opportunity knocked one day, Hermione jumped at the chance to begin 'Phase Three.' Dinner had just ended, and the trio was heading to the common room when a voice rang out behind them.  
  
"Professor Snape! Wait a moment please." Hermione whipped around to see McGonagall and Snape talking in the middle of the Entrance Hall. Snape's back was facing them. Hermione looked around quickly to see if anyone was watching them. There were students heading in every direction, talking loudly. It was perfect...Hermione pulled out her wand and, trying not to be obvious, murmured the spell quickly while her wand tip was pointed at Snape's back. She made sure the spell came in contact with him before turning and continuing up the stairs.  
  
"Hermione, what was that?" Harry asked as they sat in corner chairs in the common room.  
  
"The beginning of 'Phase Three.'" Harry and Ron, slightly wide-eyed, stared at Hermione. "How many 'phases' are there?" asked Ron.  
  
"How ever many there needs to be."  
  
"What spell did you use?" asked Harry.  
  
"You'll just have to wait until breakfast to find out," said Hermione. She stood and stretched. "Well, I'm off to bed. 'Night boys!" They both mumbled a good night as she disappeared up the stairs to the girls dorm.  
  
"Harry?" Ron said after a moment.  
  
"Mm?"  
  
"You don't think Hermione's a little-" he struggled for the right word, "- obsessed, do you?" Harry looked at Ron.  
  
He was completely serious when he said, "I think saying she's obsessed is putting it lightly."  
  
~  
  
Hermione, Ron, and Harry were among the first to arrive at breakfast the next morning. Harry and Ron were eager to see what Hermione had done this time. Snape arrived a few minutes after the trio, looking sullen and irate. Definitely not a force to be reckoned with. Hermione smiled suddenly as she watched Snape out of the corner of her eye. Harry and Ron gave each other worried looks.  
  
"Hermione," Ron said, lowering his voice, "I don't see anything different about him."  
  
"We won't notice anything different until he opens his mouth." Another look passed between Harry and Ron.  
  
"What happens when he opens his mouth?" Harry asked.  
  
"You'll just have to wait and see."  
  
Snape was one of the first to rise and leave the Great Hall after breakfast. The trio was right behind him.  
  
"We have to get him to open his mouth," Hermione said, sounding a little flustered.  
  
"How are we going to do that?" asked Ron.  
  
"One of us will have to talk to him."  
  
"Not me!" shouted Ron.  
  
"No way!" said Harry at the same time. Hermione rolled her eyes at them.  
  
"Fine! I'll do it." She waited until Snape was standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall before calling to him.  
  
"Professor Snape! I have a question, sir!" Snape stopped and turned to watch as Hermione walked quickly to him. Snape (finally) opened his mouth to speak when the strangest thing happened. Snape was suddenly bathed in a pool of bright, white light. He closed his mouth quickly and looked up. There was no light. Hermione had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing at Snape's reaction. He was still staring at the ceiling, like he was trying to discover where the light was now hiding. He looked back at Hermione with narrowed eyes. He opened his mouth again and the light reappeared. This time, Snape kept his mouth open and looked up at the light. Hermione looked up, too. So did the entire Entrance Hall. Everyone had stopped walking and were now staring at Hermione, Snape, and the mysterious heavenly-looking light. You couldn't tell where the light was coming from, only that it started out narrow at the top of Snape's head and formed a big circle around his feet. Snape closed his mouth again and stared at the wall across the room from him, a look of great concentration on his face. It was obvious that he'd completely forgotten about Hermione.  
  
"Err...I'll just be going then, shall I?" Hermione said while slowly backing away. Everyone else had resumed walking to their classes, throwing glances over their shoulders at Snape. Hermione, Harry, and Ron walked past Snape and up the grand staircase. At the top, the trio turned and looked at Snape. He was still standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall, looking up at the ceiling. He began opening and closing his mouth rapidly, making the light appear and then disappear the next moment. Hermione thought he looked like a gaping fish, opening and closing his mouth like that. The trio turned and ran quickly before they died laughing at Snape while he was thirty feet away. They couldn't contain the giggles, however, when they reached Flitwick's room.  
  
"Did you see what he was doing?" said Ron, imitating Snape by opening and closing his mouth rapidly. It made him look like a fish out of water. Harry and Hermione doubled over with another wave of laughter.  
  
"Wait tell you see him after lunch."  
  
"What are you doing to him at lunch?" Harry asked, wiping at his eyes.  
  
"Let's just say that it goes quite nicely with the heavenly light." Hermione smiled evilly as she pulled out her Charms book.  
  
~  
  
When it was twenty minutes until lunch started, Hermione hurriedly told Harry and Ron her plan before faking a bad headache and getting out of McGonagall's class. She ran to her room to get the potion from her trunk. Once the vial was tucked carefully into her robes, she ran out of the room and down to the kitchens. She managed to get the potion in Snape's drink and run to the Great Hall just as the food appeared. Hermione chanced a glance at Snape. He was staring right at her, his mouth in a grim line and his eyes accusatory. Hermione averted her eyes and walked quickly to the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Well?" Ron asked around a mouth full of ham. Hermione smiled.  
  
"I got it into his drink."  
  
"When will we know?" asked Harry.  
  
"Pretty quick. I made the potion stronger than what it really should be, but I don't think it will change the way it works." Hermione shrugged as she picked up a sandwich. They tried to make sure Snape didn't catch them watching him, but he didn't make it easy. He looked straight at them pretty much the entire time. That is, until Dumbledore leaned around McGonagall to say something to him. The scowl on Snape's face deepened before he opened his mouth to respond. The light not only covered Snape entirely, but also half of Flitwick and McGonagall, who were on either side of him. Snape's eyes flicked up at the light, but he otherwise tried to pretend it wasn't there. His colleagues, however, failed horribly at ignoring it. Flitwick snorted into his tea, McGonagall picked up her napkin to hide her grin, and Dumbledore put his chin in his plam and his fingers over his lips. Snape closed his mouth to glare at them for a moment before opening it again to speak. There were a couple of other snorts and a slight giggle when the light reappeared. This time, Snape ignored them.  
  
"Well, Headmaster-" Snape began, but stopped immediately. Did he just sing? The entire Great Hall had hushed and were now staring at Snape, everyone's mouth hanging open slightly. Snape looked at his fellow professors. They were all shaking with suppressed laughter. Snape opened his mouth and tried again.  
  
"Well-" he said, but again stopped. That's when everyone erupted into laughter around him. Snape threw his napkin down and stormed out of the Great Hall, shooting daggers at everyone in his path, but this time the glare had no effect. They were laughing too hard to pay any attention to the glare.  
  
"We knew it was going to make him sing everything, Hermione," Ron said, taking deep breaths to calm down, "but you didn't tell us it would make him sound like that!"  
  
"I didn't know it would make his voice high pitched!" Hermione heaved. "I bet that was the side effect of making it stronger..." Harry was still laughing. Actually, he was practically rolling on the floor.  
  
"Did you hear him?" he asked, holding his sides. "He sounded like a little girl!" All three of them grew quiet, picturing Snape as a little girl with greasy, black pigtails. Then they all doubled over simultaneously, tears running down their faces. In fact, everyone in the Great Hall was laughing hysterically. Even the professors were having trouble keeping the tears from flowing.  
  
"You know," Ron said, having a little trouble breathing, "for once I'm actually looking forward to Advanced Potions."  
  
~  
  
"You have the entire class time to complete the assignment," Snape said before waving his wand at the board in the corner. "Begin." His voice was still extremely high pitched and probably would be for at least two days, considering how strong Hermione had made the potion. She bit down harder on the inside of her cheek as she added the bat wing to her cauldron. Snape had walked in the dungeon classroom, scowling harder than usual, and warned them that if he heard so much as a little squeak of a sneeze, the person responsible would be spending the rest of the year in detention with him. A threat like that coming from Snape usually made the person(s) on the receiving end absolutely terrified, but when it came out of the mouth of someone who sounded like an Opera singer with a bright light over his head, it wasn't quite as frightening... In fact, as soon as he opened his mouth the entire class had done something to try and conceal their smirks or stifle the giggles that threatened to overtake them. Snape was not amused. Hermione almost burst when Snape stopped next to a Ravenclaw in the middle of the lesson to inform him that he was a fool. They never found out why he was a fool, though, because Snape stopped mid-sentence. The word 'fool' had carried on a note that would have made a well-practiced tenor proud. A second later, the entire room was filled with the sound of giggles. Hermione looked around. It seemed as if she was the only one who had been able to smother her laughter. Snape looked around as well, but it was hard to tell who had started the laughter. Instead of searching for the culprit who started it all, his eyes landed on Hermione. She stared right back, unflinchingly.  
  
"Detention, Miss Granger," Snape sang. Hermione looked affronted.  
  
"What for, Professor? I didn't do anything!" Snape's eyes glinted dangerously at her before he strode the length of the room in five steps to stand directly in front of her. Hermione's nose came to his chest, so she had to lean back a little to look at him. Snape, however, bent over slightly to bring them face to face.  
  
"Are you questioning me, Miss Granger?" This usually would've been very intimidating, but the way his voice rose an octave with every word made his normally dangerous tone sound downright silly. It took all of 'Mione's willpower to make her face fairly expressionless. Snape, however, didn't miss the fleeting look of amusement that danced in her eyes before being replaced with a look of loathing.  
  
"I shall repeat myself then. I said you have detention, with me, tonight. Be here at eight sharp or lose all your house points." The humor was completely gone from Hermione's face now. In fact, the look of loathing deepened before responding.  
  
"Yes, sir!" she spat. Snape smirked at her a little before standing and facing the rest of the class. They were still trying to hide their laughter behind their hands. The smirk turned into a frown.  
  
"Cork your vials and set them on my desk before you leave." Snape sat in his chair and steepled his fingers before him. His gaze remained on Hermione the rest of the time. She was absolutely seething. This pleased Snape to no end. He had, in fact, suspected Granger for quite a while now. She was the only one with enough brains to pull off the stunts. The other usual trouble makers had crossed his mind as well. Potter, Weasley, and all that, but Granger stuck out. Some of the pieces still didn't fit, but that would take time. Granger would be hard to break, but if a Snape wanted to know something, nothing was going to stand in their way. Least of all a 17- year-old witch. 'She's a brilliant 17-year-old witch,' he reminded himself. Snape frowned as he watched Hermione put the cork on her potion and bring it up to his desk. Her eyes were on him the entire time. Her face was blank, but her eyes were daring him, in a way. It was definitely a challenge. The frown deepened as he watched her grab her bag and head out the door. A Snape never backed down from a challenge...The frown disappeared as Snape stacked the parchment on his desk. He was thinking about the detention that would take place in a few hours. Then, he smiled. 'It should prove to be an interesting detention,' he thought. 'Far more interesting than they usually are...'  
  
~  
  
Snape could feel a pounding starting to form behind his eyes when he heard a knock at the classroom door. He checked the time. 'Must be Granger,' he thought, feeling slightly better at the thought of the approaching battle of wits. Then a thought hit him...What if she just remained passive? What if she just pretended she didn't know anything about it and sent him one of those 'you're off your rocker' looks? What if she really didn't know anything about who was behind the pranks? The knock sounded again, louder this time. Severus reminded himself that this was no time to second-guess his decisions before telling Hermione to enter (his voice was still at a very high octave and the light had yet to disappear). She came in, looking around nervously. Severus groaned inwardly. It seemed she was going to play the innocent.  
  
"I'm here for my detention, Professor." Snape gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Hermione sat and watched him expectantly. Snape, however, said nothing. He only stared at her. They sat like this for several minutes before Hermione broke the silence.  
  
"Professor? My punishment?" He raised his eyebrows at her.  
  
"Do you know why you're here, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Because you told me to be, sir."  
  
"Cut the sarcasm. You're here because you know," he put an extra emphasis on 'know.' Hermione's eyes narrowed slightly.  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"You know who's behind this," he said, gesturing at the light above him.  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, sir." Snape stood and walked around his desk. He sat on the front of it, directly in her line of vision.  
  
"Oh, I think you do," he whispered, but it came out sounding quite odd in the sing-songy voice. Hermione took no amusement in this whatsoever. She had only done a few pranks and Snape was too close to figuring out it was her already.  
  
"What would give you that idea?"  
  
"You watching me constantly, you always being there when these things seem to take place...There are just too many coincidences for everything to be chance."  
  
"That's a rather weak theory," she said, a challenging tone in her voice. 'So,' Snape thought, 'maybe not so innocent after all...'  
  
"Who says it's just a theory? Maybe I have proof." Hermione nearly snorted, but caught herself at the last moment. 'What the heck,' she thought. 'Time to get a little brave...' She narrowed her eyes at him and set her mouth in a grim, disbelieving line.  
  
"I don't believe you," she said. Snape was rather caught off guard. He hadn't expected that answer.  
  
"Even if I didn't have proof, I could get some."  
  
"I'd like to see you try," Hermione muttered, but Snape heard her.  
  
"You are dismissed, Miss Granger. Get out." Hermione didn't have to be told twice. She got up and practically ran from the room.  
  
~  
  
Back in her dormitory, Hermione threw herself onto her bed and stared up at the canopy. Her conversation with Snape was running through her mind. He knew, or at least suspected. But saying he suspected didn't mean anything. Not everything fit together. Hermione had been very careful, so it was unlikely Snape would find any proof. Even so, she was going to keep as much of an eye on him as he had on the trio when they were together. Hermione decided she was going to be extra careful with her revenge from now on. That meant that things were probably going to go a little slower, but there was no way she was going to stop. This was actually turning out to be a lot more fun than she first thought it would be...Plus, going head-to-head with Snape would be interesting. If she managed to make it to the end of the year without getting caught, then getting the chance to rub it in his face would be absolutely priceless!  
  
***************  
  
Thank you for reading! Now, how about pressing that cute little 'Go' button and leaving a review? I'd really love to know what you think about the chapter!  
  
BTW, go check out Lissie89's stories. They're awesome! 


	5. Oh, To Be Young Again

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long! Please don't kill me! I have many more brilliant ideas to come.  
  
Thanks to Ultimate Creed Fan, tigress12, Lissie89, Lily of the Shadow, Mary Snape, Angelica, Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva, HIEIotsause, Snapecharmer, AngelicPyro, GreekGoddess1, Madam Arianna, midniteblusoccer, s, GypsyGirl, Velvet3, coolcat411, ckat44, La Pamplemousse, Kyra Invictus Black, niffler86, Penny S. P, Lady of the Loch, and Potter-luvver for the wonderful reviews! Please forgive me if I've forgotten someone...  
  
All of you made my last couple of weeks absolutely wonderful. The reviews really helped me to not feel discouraged; especially when the homework got piled on extra high.  
  
~MESSAGES~  
  
Ultimate Creed Fan: Thank you for adding me to your favorites!  
  
Mary Snape: I hate being mean to beloved Sevvie, but I don't have much choice here! Don't worry, though. He starts getting back at Hermione slightly. Starting with this chapter, actually. I'm sorry to say but this story's rating isn't going to rise above PG. Even though I am a bit of an SS/HG shipper, I'm not really aiming for them to wind up together in the end of this story. There is a lot of tension between the two, so hopefully that makes up for it!  
  
HIEIotsause: Thank you very much for the suggestion. I may be able to fit it into the story, but then again I may not. Do I have your permission to use that idea if I can?  
  
Snapecharmer: Thank you for that amazing review. I also thought about having angels sing whenever the light appeared, but I really wanted him to sing with the light still over his head. I had to make a sacrifice somewhere...Thanks again!  
  
GreekGoddess1: You nearly woke your husband? Hehe, I'm sorry. Hermione is set on revenge because Snape wrote a very long and nasty comment on her essay in chapter one. I never wrote what he said, but I could tell you if you really want to know.  
  
midniteblusoccer: I'm sorry if I didn't get this posted before you left on vacation. Hopefully you'll enjoy it all the more when you get back!  
  
GypsyGirl: Heart attack, huh? HAHA! I'm sure she looked at you like you were crazy when you told her you were reading a Fan Fic story. You and I must think alike because I also thought about turning him into a kid. In fact...Well, just read the chapter and you'll see what I mean. ;)  
  
Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva: School hasn't started for you yet?! Lucky!  
  
ckat44: Thanks for adding me to your favorites!  
  
La Pamplemousse: Thanks for adding me to your favorites!  
  
Lady of the Loch: Me? Pull stunts on my teachers?! :) Yeah right! I'm not brave enough to do that. I'm one of those goody two-shoes girls who most people hate throughout all of high school. That gives me something to fantasize about, though. I could just see me putting my dirty gym socks in my Gym teacher's car. Hehe, he wouldn't be able to get rid of the smell for a month! Then he can go through what the entire class goes through whenever we walk into the locker room. Yeah, it's that bad...  
  
Potter-luvver: I will e-mail you to let you know whenever I update the story from now on, not just for this chapter, if that's what you want. Please let me know! If anyone else wants me to do that for them as well, I will be glad to. Just let me know!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new? I also don't own the "Rubber Ducky" song. I lay claim to only two things: the plot and all the evil things Hermione does to Snape. Please ask permission first before using any of these things for your own story!  
  
Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
**************  
  
Chapter 5-'Phase Four'  
  
Hermione was very careful to keep her head down for the next month because Snape was on the war path. Hermione got blamed for every little thing that went wrong. She had already spent three more detentions with Snape since 'putting him in the limelight,' so to speak. The detentions had been spent with Snape on one side of his desk and Hermione on the other, staring at each other for an hour before Snape would tell her to leave. Once, Hermione had felt brave enough to wink at him. He had nearly exploded. Hermione still laughed at the memory of Snape's face growing red and his eyes bulging before shouting at her to get out immediately. Even with the memory of the detention still fresh in her mind, she hungered for a more public form of defiance. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, too. In fact, the potion was ready (it would be too risky to use a spell on him right then). It would have to work overnight, so it had to be added to his drink at dinner. The potion would probably make his drink taste a little tart but that shouldn't be a problem. It was Halloween, after all. Pretty much everyone would be drinking cider. As Hermione flew past classroom doors, she thought about the potion. According to the research she did, it would be a little painful for Snape to go through. He was in for a rough night.  
  
Hermione skidded to a halt outside the Great Hall doors just as the food appeared. She had been delayed by McGonagall and had almost missed the perfect opportunity. Hermione threw a quick glance at the head table before taking her usual seat. She watched as Harry and Ron wolfed down every pastry within reach but barely touched anything herself. Snape had not taken even a sip of his cider, and the meal was nearly over. Hermione breathed a huge sigh of relief when Snape downed his cider in one gulp at the end of the meal. Snape looked at Hermione just before he reached the Great Hall doors. She quickly averted her eyes, but she couldn't contain the smile of pure glee. Snape's step faltered when he spotted the grin. He cursed his long robe somewhere in the back of his mind, but the rest of his thoughts were occupied with the triumphant smile. Snape felt a little worried suddenly. What in the world had she done now? And how could he prove it was her?  
  
~  
  
Severus slept horribly that night. Every time he closed his eyes he saw that Granger girl grinning broadly, and when he did manage to drift off to sleep he woke up drenched in sweat and shaking. If he wasn't any better come morning then he would go see Poppy. Maybe she would have a potion that would help the pounding in his head. When streaming rays of sun penetrated his curtains and found their way to his eyelids, however, he felt remarkably better. The pounding had subsided, and he was no longer sweating profusely, but his vision was a little blurry. That happens a lot when one wakes up from sleep, but this seemed different somehow. Snape threw the covers off of himself and sat up. He threw his legs over the edge of the bed and began rubbing at his eyes, but everything remained blurry. Severus stood up and stretched out his arms, trying to feel his way toward the bathroom. His side came in contact with the night stand, and Snape let out a hiss of pain. It didn't register in his mind that the night stand usually wasn't tall enough to reach his side. It barely came to his thigh as it was.  
  
Snape finally reached the bathroom. He turned automatically toward the mirror above the sink, but he couldn't see the imagine staring back. He turned the water on and splashed several hand fulls onto his face, rubbing again at his eyes. They finally cleared, and Snape looked down at his hands. They were different. The long, elegant fingers were shorter, the palms paler and not quite as calloused. Snape's mouth fell open. 'No,' he thought. 'It couldn't be...' He slowly raised his gaze to the mirror. Staring back were the same black orbs and the long black hair but the face was younger and fuller. It was the face of a youth. Severus Snape started at himself (his much younger self) for another minute before he passed out and fell, hitting the floor hard.  
  
~  
  
"Did you hear about Professor Snape?" one girl asked another.  
  
"Snape? No. What about him?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I heard Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore talking about him as I walked by the Infirmary this morning."  
  
Hermione sat up, her back ramrod straight, and listened intently to the two girls conversing behind the bookcase.  
  
"What did they say?" the other one asked, sounding excited.  
  
"Not much. Dumbledore asked Pomfrey if Snape was doing any better or acting any calmer. Something like that...Anyway, I don't think it was too serious because Dumbledore was smiling. In fact, I think he was on the verge of laughing." The other girl looked pensive for a moment.  
  
"What did Madam Pomfrey say to that?" The other girl shrugged.  
  
"I don't know. I was walking too quickly to hear her response." Both girls then shrugged at each other.  
  
"Did you finish that essay on snap crabs?" Hermione immediately blocked out the rest of their conversation. She smiled to herself as she thought about what Dumbledore's reaction must have been like. Not to mention Snape's. Oh, to have been there! Even though Snape had been acting like Hermione wasn't getting to him, what she had done this time was guaranteed to get some kind of reaction. It was apparently working, too. Hermione pictured in her mind the fit Snape must have thrown. That would explain why Dumbledore had asked if Snape was any calmer. That also explained why the DADA professor had taught the potion classes for the entire day. The potion Snape drank was going to last for at least a week, so he couldn't hide forever. She would see her handiwork eventually. How sweet that would be! Smiling broadly, Hermione threw her books into her bag and practically skipped out of the library, heading toward the common room.  
  
~  
  
"Headmaster," Snape squeaked, "please allow me to remain in the Infirmary for today." Dumbledore looked like he was trying very hard not to smile. Snape ground his teeth together as he waited for the older man's answer.  
  
"I'm afraid, Severus, that you'll have to return to your teaching duties today." Snape felt horror struck.  
  
"Like this?!" he shrieked, gesturing at himself. This time, Dumbledore failed at controlling the grin.  
  
"Regretfully, yes. There is nothing more Poppy can do for you. It will wear off eventually." Snape looked across the room at the full length mirror he was facing. It was himself, only much younger. According to Poppy, Severus Snape was again thirteen-years-old. He recalled the first time he was thirteen, and he sneered at the mirror. Thirteen had been a horrible age. Snape had gone through puberty and all the things that accompanied it. His voice cracked constantly, his hair remained greasy, and it seemed like the pimples never went away. Worse than that, it took forever for him to get a growth spurt (to be exact, he had been and was now slightly over 5'2"). At thirteen, Snape had been a short, greasy-haired, pimply-faced, kid with a high pitched voice. He was not eager to relive that experience, especially since he was now a professor. Who ever heard of a professor who was shorter than everyone else? Feeling defeated, Snape sank onto a cot and put his head in his hands.  
  
"Yes, Headmaster," he mumbled. Dumbledore's grin broadened. "Very good. I believe breakfast starts in a few minutes. Shall we?"  
  
"Breakfast?!" Snape shouted, jumping to his feet. "I will teach my classes, Headmaster, but might I be allowed to eat in my classroom?"  
  
"Very well," Dumbledore said, moving toward the door. "I will have a house elf bring you your meals. Good day, Severus."  
  
"Thank you, Headmaster," Snape said as the door closed behind Dumbledore.  
  
"Poppy," Snape whined when the Nurse came bustling out of her office, "are you sure there's nothing else that can be done?"  
  
"I'm afraid not," she replied, almost failing (like Dumbledore) to control her smile, "but it should wear off soon enough." Snape sighed dramatically as he walked toward the fireplace. He flooed directly to his office. Snape stepped out of his own fireplace and sat down in the closet chair. He replayed the scene from the Infirmary in his mind. 'What's wrong with me?' he asked himself. 'I'm even beginning to act like a whiney teenager!' Snape stood up, cleared his throat importantly, tugged downward on the robes Dumbledore had conjured to fit his smaller frame, and strode into his classroom. These robes didn't billow outward like his others, but they would do for now. Snape sat down behind his desk and steepled his fingers before him. He began plotting exactly what he would do to the first smart mouth foolish enough to comment on his current condition.  
  
~  
  
"Where is he?" Hermione watched as Ron leaned over to whisper to Harry.  
  
"I don't know, Ron. Maybe he's not teaching his classes again today."  
  
"Yes, he is. Did you not hear the other students talking about him when they walked past us?" Harry shrugged.  
  
"No, I didn't." Ron was about to say something else when the classroom door opened. The entire class turned around to look at Snape. Instead of seeing the tall, foreboding Potion's Master, what they did see was a very short kid with black hair hanging just below his ears. His face was slightly chubby with unshed baby fat and a hooked nose dominated his features. Hermione immediately put both hands to her mouth as she tried to laugh as quietly as possible. She wasn't sure how young the potion had turned him (since he was so small). It didn't really matter how old he was; he looked absolutely hilarious standing there in the door of the classroom, staring at everyone in turn. Hermione knew that he was trying to be intimidating, but it wasn't working. A few other people were laughing quietly like herself and the rest of them were biting their bottom lips.  
  
"If I hear any talking whatsoever," Snape said in a slightly high voice, "the entire class will have a month's worth of detentions." He walked to stand in front of the classroom, continuing to watch everyone. This made it difficult to hide the laughter. Hermione thanked her lucky starts that she was sitting behind Harry because he was effectively hiding her from Snape's piercing gaze. She was still laughing hard into her hands.  
  
"You know what to do," Snape said, waving his wand at the board. Hermione took a deep, calming breath as she stood to begin the assignment. She almost lost it when she saw how tall everyone was compared to the professor. Snape was by far the shortest person in the room. Even Hermione stood several inches above him! Instead of sitting like he usually did, Snape remained standing, puffing out his chest to make him look bigger, and he watched as the students gathered the needed ingredients from the cupboard. Hermione was careful to not meet his eyes as she walked past. His usual scowl was in place, but the baby cheeks took away the ferocity of the glare. The rest of class went by pretty uneventfully. Snape made a huge mistake, however, when he began lecturing one student on the thickness of his potion.  
  
"Did you not pay any attention to the instructions, Mr. Raul? Did they not say SPECIFICALLY to add three unicorn tears AFTER stirring it clockwise?! Is that or is that not the reason your potion now looks like this?" Snape asked, using a ladle to scoop some of the potion and letting it splash back into the cauldron. Snape continued this lecture for ten minutes. It was very odd for him to waste his breath like this, but Hermione guessed that he was doing it to make a point. It wasn't working, though. It looked way too funny to see Snape (barely over five feet tall) leaning back to yell up at one of his students instead of down. This wasn't too bad, though. Everyone made sure that Snape couldn't see them laughing. It became too much, however, when Snape's voice cracked toward the end of his lecture. The giggling got only slightly more pronounced at first, but it didn't take long before the entire class was rolling on the floor laughing their guts out. Snape stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched at his sides, looking like the angry teenager he was. His voice shook as he said, "Quit laughing and get back to work." This only spurred the class to laugh harder. "That's it!" he yelled. "I've had it. Everyone in this room will be spending a month in detention with the teacher I choose!" This got everyone's attention. The laughter died away suddenly, leaving the room sounding dead and empty. Slowly, everyone stood, looking sheepishly at the livid Potion's Professor. Snape took a deep breath and unclenched his fists. "Get back to work," he said. The childish voice echoed in the silent room. Without talking, the students went back to their cauldrons and continued the assignment. Snape stalked to his desk and sat down in the chair with some difficulty, since the chair was so tall and teenage Snape was so short. Once he was seated in the chair, he grabbed the edge of the desk and pulled so he slid under it. This hid the fact that his legs dangled several inches above the ground. Under normal circumstances Hermione would have found this all very funny, but she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She knew what was coming, but when would he tell her? Hermione's heart pounded hard in her chest throughout the rest of class. She wasn't surprised when Snape called for her to remain behind at the end of the lesson. She approached his desk while trying to get her heart to slow down.  
  
"You will spend your detention with me, Miss Granger," he announced, not looking at her. This is what Hermione had known was coming.  
  
"Yes sir," she said.  
  
"Very well. Dismissed." Hermione turned and walked from the room, lost in thought. Seeing Snape like that was very funny, but it wasn't enough. She would wait until this potion wore off, of course, before she did anything else, but she was going to do something else to him very soon. Very soon indeed...Until then, Hermione was going to fully enjoy the fact that Snape was now thirteen-years-old. Especially since the potion would make him go through puberty faster than what was normal because it would only last a week. By tomorrow, his face would have a few pimples and his hair would be terribly greasy. His voice would continue to change as well, cracking more often and such. It was sure to make his lectures interesting, at least. Hermione smiled and her step lightened. 'Things are still going very well,' she thought.  
  
~  
  
Snape's eyes snapped opened and he blinked rapidly in the sunlight. Then the memories from yesterday flooded his mind and Snape groaned. Then a thought hit him. Maybe...He looked down at himself. 'No!' he thought. He was still thirteen. How long was he to remain like this? Sighing loudly, he threw the covers off himself and headed to the bathroom. Snape walked past the mirror, stopped, and walked backwards. His mouth fell open as he stared at his image. Was that...? No, it couldn't be! Severus leaned closer to the mirror to get a better look. 'Oh my...' he thought. There was a very large, very red pimple on the end of his crooked nose. Then Snape saw his hair. He cringed as he ran his fingers through it. It was extremely greasy, sticking to his head like a helmet. Contrary to popular belief, Snape's hair was never greasy. He, in fact, washed it every single day. It just looked like it was for some reason.  
  
Snape took one more look at himself before running to his tub and filling it up with hot water. He got in as soon as it was ready and scrubbed his hair throughly. There was nothing he could do about the pimple, though. 'How humiliating,' he thought. He hadn't had a pimple in over thirty years. Then an idea hit Snape. A wonderfully evil idea. An idea so good that it dug in its claws and wouldn't let go. Severus began smiling as he went over what he was going to do in his head. Once he had it all worked out in his mind, Snape began singing as he worked the conditioner into his scalp. In a loud voice, he sang:  
  
"Rubber ducky, you're the one!  
You make bath time lots of fun!  
Rubber ducky, I'm awfully  
Fond of you!"  
  
Snape eyed the rubber duck sitting on the side of the tub. He smiled at it lovingly before repeating the verse:  
  
"Rubber ducky, you're the one!  
You make bath time lots of fun!  
Rubber ducky, I'm awfully  
Fond of you!"  
  
~  
  
"What did the letter say again, Harry?" Hermione asked suspiciously, running slightly to keep up with Harry's and Ron's fast pace. "It just said," Harry began, "that the Slytherin Quidditch team wants to play us in a mock game."  
  
"But why, though?" Hermione asked, worrying her bottom lip.  
  
"We don't know, Hermione," Ron said, also sounding slightly worried.  
  
"It is odd," said Harry. "I mean, they've never done anything like this before. Why now?"  
  
"I think they're plotting something," said Hermione.  
  
"They're Slytherin, 'Mione," Ron said. "Aren't they always up to something?" Hermione, however, didn't respond. She continued to worry her lip as she thought about the Slytherin Quidditch team. What in the world could they possibly be up to? The trio got the shock of their lives when they finally made it to the Quidditch pitch. There was the entire Quidditch team, hovering slightly above the ground on their brooms. This, however, didn't surprise the group. What absolutely floored them was the sight of Professor Snape hovering on his own broom a little ways in front of the other Slytherins. All three of them paled as they stared openly at the Potion's Master, none of them saying anything. Snape watched them for a moment, grinning broadly. Then he looked above their heads. Hermione knew, without turning around, that the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was walking out to meet them. Harry was the first to regain his composure once the rest of the team came to a stop around him.  
  
He closed his mouth, cleared his throat, and asked, "What's going on?" Snape smirked at him.  
  
"Did you not get the letter, Mr. Potter?"  
  
"Yes, I got it," Harry responded. Snape raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
"I would've thought it was pretty self-explanatory." The Slytherin team laughed at this. Harry's face grew red.  
  
"It obviously was not. What are you doing here?" Snape narrowed his eyes at Harry.  
  
"As a professor at Hogwarts and Heard of Slytherin House, I can be anywhere I want at any time I choose without having to explain myself to nosy students." More laughter from the Slytherins. Hermione stepped forward, standing in front of Harry and bringing herself eye to eye with the teen Snape.  
  
"The letter said that the Slytherin team challenges the Gryffindor team to a mock game of Quidditch. Last time I checked, Professor, you were not part of the Slytherin Quidditch team." The Quidditch pitch became so quiet that instead of hearing the proverbial pen drop, you could have heard the dust bunnies breathing.  
  
Snape leaned toward Hermione and whispered dangerously, "I believe that I just informed Mr. Potter of my reasons for being here. In case you are hard of hearing, I will repeat myself. As a professor at Hogwarts I can be anywhere I want at the time of my choosing. I don't need permission from one of my pupils. Is that understood?" Hermione just glared at the boy before her. Snape leaned in closer, practically putting them nose to nose.  
  
"Is that understood, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Yes sir," Hermione said between gritted teeth. Snape smirked at her before leaning back.  
  
"Into the air, all of you," he said, gesturing upward. The entire Quidditch team took off, except for one boy. After getting a closer look, Hermione realized that it was their usual Seeker. 'But that must mean...' she thought, her mouth falling open with understanding. Snape? A Seeker? No way! She had never heard ANYTHING about Snape playing Seeker the entire time he attended Hogwarts. Hermione watched as the regular Slytherin Seeker flew to the middle of the pitch. He reached down into the trunk at his feet and pulled out the Quaffle. Since Harry had his broom with him, he was able to take off right away. Once the rest of the team returned from the locker room with their brooms, they took off as well. Hermione held onto to Ron for a moment so she could speak with him.  
  
"Ron, I believe Snape is going to play Seeker."  
  
"Well, he can't be any better than Harry," Ron said.  
  
"I'm not so sure about that..."  
  
"He looks like he has a third eye growing on the end of his nose. How good can he be?" Ron asked as he mounted his broom and took to the sky.  
  
"But that's not the point!" Hermione yelled. No one heard her, though. They were too focused on what was to take place before them. A whistle sounded somewhere, the Quaffle was released, and the match began. Hermione couldn't believe how fast Snape was! He was a blur as soon as the whistle sounded. When Slytherin was up by fifty points, Snape began dancing circles around Harry and his broom, practically daring poor Harry to do something about it. The rest of the Gryffindor team watched Snape with the upmost loathing as he whipped around and around Harry, laughing his head off. The distraction allowed Slytherin to score three more times. When Hermione saw that this made Snape laugh even harder, she mentally went over the ingredients of the potion, wondering if she accidently put in something that would make Snape go mad. The only good thing about the match was that both Harry and Snape had spotted the Snitch at the same time. Snape, however, had managed to get his grubby fingers around it a second before Harry's hand waved wildly at the spot it had been a moment before. This didn't dampen Snape's mood in the lightest because he knew that even if Harry had gotten the Snitch, Slytherin would have still won. Snape grinned mockingly at the Gryffindor team when everyone landed.  
  
"Good game," he said to the Slytherin team, looking up at them proudly. Then his gaze turned toward the Gryffindors.  
  
In a voice that sounded eerily like Malfoy, Snape said, "Better luck next time." His gaze went from Harry to Hermione. Snape then twirled his broom in one hand, set it on his shoulder, and began to whistle as he walked toward the castle. Hermione, Harry, and Ron, extremely wide-eyed, watched Snape's retreating back.  
  
"Room of Requirement. Now," Hermione commanded, following Snape's steps to the castle.  
  
"I'll be right there," Ron said, walking toward the locker room instead to put his broom away. Once in the Room of Requirement, all three of them paced around and around the table in the middle of the room, thinking hard. Harry was the one to break the silence.  
  
"What the heck was that about?" he asked.  
  
"I have no idea," Ron said, continuing to pace.  
  
"Why would he do that?" Hermione whispered. "What was the point?" Harry thought about that for a moment.  
  
"To show us up," he said.  
  
"Yes," Hermione whispered, "yes..." Ron stopped pacing suddenly. He turned to face 'Mione.  
  
"This was your brilliant idea! Why do you think he did it?"  
  
"I don't know why he did it," Hermione wailed, "but I definitely didn't mean for him to have fun when I put the potion in his drink."  
  
"Well, that's exactly what he's doing, Hermione," Harry said. "He sure looked like he was enjoying himself tonight, anyway." Ron smiled suddenly.  
  
"That huge zit on his nose was pretty funny, though." Harry smiled, too. Then they both began to laugh. Neither one noticed Hermione stop her pacing. "The zit..." she whispered. Then she snapped her fingers, drawing both Harry's and Ron's attention back onto herself. "That's why he did it!" Hermione shrieked.  
  
"What? Why, then?" Ron asked.  
  
"The zit! I bet you anything he felt humiliated. Especially since Dumbledore wouldn't allow him to give the entire class that much detention time at once. Tonight was some form of retaliation." Hermione began pacing again. "Oh, you're very good, Professor Snape. Very good indeed..." Then she stopped moving. "We have to get back at him, boys. As soon at the potion wears off, and he's back to his normal self, we're going to do something that he couldn't possibly enjoy." Harry and Ron looked at each other, but instead of protesting like they usually did, they both smiled.  
  
"So," Harry asked, "what are we going to do?"  
  
**************  
  
Please review and let me know what you think!  
  
For anyone who reviewed at the author's note that was chapter five for a few days: These are just suggestions, but if you want to review for the real chapter five (it would be greatly appreciated!), you could either go back and review for chapter four or e-mail me with your comments. You can find my e-mail address in my bio. Thank you so much!  
  
BTW, I am, again, so sorry this chapter took so long to write! I don't think homework should be allowed for at least the first month of school. I already know what I want to do in chapter six, so I'm hoping it won't take me nearly as long to write. 


	6. This Really Stinks

A/N: I'm sorry the chapter took longer than expected. I've been working on a research paper and piles and piles of other stuff. I HATE HOMEWORK!!!  
  
This chapter is more suspenseful than laugh out loud funny. I hope everyone likes it!  
  
Thanks to La Pamplemousse, Snapecharmer, coolcat411, Mary Snape, fragglerox, Brittany Malfoy, AllStarChaser20, Turelie Telcontar, CAH, Romm, thegoldenphoenix8620, Professor Farfie, sweeTpI, Nu, and HIEIhotsause for the wonderful reviews!  
  
~MESSAGES~  
  
fragglerox: Thank you for the zit cream idea! I used it in this chapter, actually. :)  
  
Brittany Malfoy: Thanks for putting me on your favorites!  
  
AllStarChaser20: Thank you for that wonderful praise! I would love to read the story where you put him in the ballerina outfit if you still have it.  
  
CAH: I completely agree with you, and his revenge starts very soon.  
  
HIEIhotsause: Thanks for putting me on your favorites and for the fudge! What reward do I get for this chapter? :) Thanks for giving me permission to use your idea. I will try my hardest to work it into the story.  
  
Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
*****************  
  
Chapter 6-'Phase Five'  
  
Snape remained thirteen for an entire week. He actually seemed happy to be alive for once, despite the fact that he was covered with pimples and growing rapidly. After the humiliating mock Quidditch match, he was practically skipping through the halls acting like neither a thirteen-year- old nor the dignified, withdrawn professor he usually was. He was, in fact, acting much, much younger. He would laugh joyfully whenever someone added the wrong ingredient or caused a small explosion in the middle of class. Hermione began doing small things on purpose just to analyze his reaction. Once, Snape grinned for an hour after Hermione added too much powered bicorn horn and her potion began whistling like a kettle. She even got the entire class to leave one hundred tubes of extra strength zit cream on his desk one day. Even this didn't cause Snape to blow up! He actually sent everyone a personal thank you note for the zit cream.  
  
After that, the trio followed him around Hogwarts, watching how he acted toward the other professors and students. Maybe not giving a student detention for stepping on his robe wasn't such a drastic change in attitude, but Hermione nearly fainted when they watched Snape laugh at one of Flitwick's jokes. The near-heart attack came when they walked around a corner and all three of them were suddenly touching the ground with their noses. Upon looking up, Hermione, Harry, and Ron had discovered a beaming Severus Snape with wand in hand. He had laughed like a mad-man as he walked away from the three still lying on the floor from shock.  
  
Regardless of the outward appearance of enjoying himself, Severus had been absolutely seething on the inside. He still hadn't been able to find any evidence whatsoever that pointed to Hermione Granger being the culprit. As the back-to-normal Snape paced in his rooms one night, wringing his hands together, he thought about the troublesome three. You never saw one without the other two close by anymore. It was like they were trying to protect each other. Still pacing, Snape smiled suddenly. 'They're protecting each other from me,' he thought. After a few more minutes of pacing, Snape came to an abrupt halt. His eyes narrowed as he thought over all that had happened to him since the start of the year. Hermione had been first and foremost in his mind, but what if it was all three of them instead? 'No,' he finally decided. Potter and Weasley were fairly intelligent, but Hermione surpassed them both with sickening ease. Hermione was definitely the brains behind the whole thing, but what role did Potter and Weasley play? 'Well,' Snape thought, 'all that changes is that I'll get to expel three bothersome brats instead of one.'  
  
Unbeknownst to Snape, Hermione was also pacing back and forth, back and forth in the Room of Requirement. She would stop every so often to jot something down on the piece of parchment before her. Harry and Ron were sitting at the table, watching Hermione pace. After ten more minutes of this, Ron broke the silence.  
  
"Well," he said, "what are we waiting for? I thought we were going to get started tonight." "We are," Hermione said, distracted. She was again writing on the parchment. Harry craned his neck forward slightly.  
  
"What do you keep writing, 'Mione?" She put the quill down and slid everything toward Harry. As he took the parchment from her, Hermione picked up the Marauders Map and began to study it. Harry looked down at the paper before him. It had words on it like homemade bread, smelly feet, onions/garlic...The second to last word made Harry stop.  
  
"Vomit?" he asked. He looked up at Hermione. Ron's eyes grew wide as he looked up at Hermione, too. "Where...?" Harry began, but Hermione cut him off.  
  
"In the dungeons," she said. She stopped staring at the map and looked at the boys, slightly fearful of their reaction. Even though they had been more than willing to help her a week ago, it was possible they had changed their minds. Her fears melted away completely when Harry smiled at her.  
  
"That's brilliant Hermione," Harry said. Ron, eyes still wide with awe, grinned and nodded his agreement. Hermione's cheeks turned slightly red from the praise.  
  
"Now," she said, all business once more, "Mrs. Norris is on the third floor and Filch is lurking around the Trophy Room." She was silent for a second, watching the moving dots on the page. She tapped the page suddenly, a triumphant look in her eyes. "And Snape has just left his rooms!" Hermione folded up the map and tucked it inside her robes. She pulled out her wand and reached for the Invisibility Cloak.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll see you later," she said as she walked toward the door.  
  
"Hold it, Hermione," Ron said as he and Harry walked toward her. She stopped and looked back at them.  
  
"We want to be a bigger part of this, remember?" Ron said.  
  
"Yeah," said Harry, "so that means we're coming with you." Hermione looked from one to the other, surprise written plainly on her face.  
  
"But there's only one cloak. You'll both get caught!" Harry smiled and pulled out his wand.  
  
"We don't need the cloak," he said as he tapped Ron on the head. Ron looked like he was shivering slightly before he disappeared completely. Hermione's jaw dropped as she watched Harry do the same thing to himself.  
  
"A Disillusionment Charm?" she asked. "Harry, that's brilliant!" She was sure that if she could have seen Harry, he would have been smiling at her.  
  
"Okay, what I want you two to do is..." She quickly told each of them what she needed them to do.  
  
"Ready?" she asked the air.  
  
"Yes," came the two different replies from right in front of her.  
  
"That's going to take some getting used to..." she mumbled as she checked the map once more before throwing the cloak over herself.  
  
"Let's go," she whispered before stepping out into the darkened corridor.  
  
~  
  
Hermione walked through the corridors, holding the cloak slightly away from her face and breathing as quietly as possible. She was looking for a tall man dressed from head to foot in black with cold eyes and a piercing gaze. She had already taken care of the Great Hall and the dungeons. Ron's task had been the easiest; all he had to do was go to places where Snape might be during the day and cast random Smell Spells. Harry's task was harder than Ron's (he had to track down both Filch and Mrs. Norris), but Hermione's was definitely the hardest. She had to find Professor Snape and cast the final part of the spell without him knowing she had ever been there.  
  
Hermione rounded a corner and had to stifle a screech of surprise. There was Snape, walking along the corridor with hands behind his back. Taking a deep, calming (quiet) breath, Hermione slid backward so the corner was hiding her slightly but so she could still see Snape's back. Hermione stuck her wand out from under the cloak slightly, muttered the incantation, and watched as the silvery substance touched Snape. She pulled her wand back and leaned against the wall just as Snape whipped around. His eyes narrowed as he looked from one wall to the other, trying to spot the foul thing that had disturbed the silence. Hardly breathing, Hermione took a tiny step away from the wall and began walking in the opposite direction. To her horror, Snape decided to walk the exact same way. He rounded the corner and walked slightly past Hermione before stopping, still searching the corridors. His back went ramrod straight the next second while his eyes grew wide with sudden realization. He turned around slowly, following the wall with his eyes.  
  
"Miss Granger?" he whispered somewhat dangerously. Hermione could no longer breathe. It seemed her throat had closed in on itself. "Under that blasted cloak, no doubt," he said, still talking in a whisper. "If that is you, Miss Granger, this will be your only warning. You and your friends need to back away before you get burned." With that, he turned and continued walking down the corridor. A second later, he was gone. Hermione let go of the breath she had been holding and slumped over from relief-weak knees. Once her heart had slowed down considerably, she straightened and returned to the dorm.  
  
~  
  
"Isn't the first one supposed to be this morning?" Ron asked as the trio took their usual seats as the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Yep," Hermione said. "The first one isn't going to be that bad, though, but the smells will get worse later in the day." Harry and Ron smiled at the thought of how the smells would progress. The best thing about it was that Hermione said the spells would last for at least 48 hours. So, to add insult to injury, Hermione had something else planned for the dearest professor for the next day. The boy's dreamy smiles disappeared when Snape walked into the Great Hall. He stopped just inside the doors and stared at the Gryffindor table. Harry and Ron seemed to shrink a little under his gaze, but Hermione sat up straighter and smiled at him proudly. Snape narrowed his eyes at her but otherwise didn't move. Hermione realized immediately that this had become a contest, and she stared back unflinchingly. Snape suddenly became aware of the questioning stares from his colleagues already seated at the head table. His face suddenly took on a little more color; first from anger at having to concede this round to the Granger girl and second from embarrassment at being caught in a staring contest with the brat. He looked away from her and continued on to the table, completely ignoring the other professors. Thoughts of what Hermione was up to this time disappeared completely as breakfast appeared before him.  
  
A very pleasant smell had just tickled his nose, and Snape was looking up and down the table for the source of the tantalizing aroma. He hadn't smelled homemade bread like that in years. Finding none, he piled eggs onto his plate and plunged his fork into them but chewed unenthusiastically and swallowed without tasting them. His mouth was watering for that bread, wherever it was hiding. The fact that the smell got stronger as the meal went on didn't help matters. Snape was in a very sour mood as he left the Great Hall. Filch calling out to him only nursed that bad mood.  
  
"Professor!" he called, limping toward Snape in his stooped over way. Snape mentally rolled his eyes as he turned around to face the Caretaker. His nostrils flared as a very pungent smell slammed into him. Gone was the sweet smell of bread, and in its place was the almost overwhelming smell of ammonia. Snape's eyes flicked toward the gaggle of second years passing by. They were smiling and talking happily. The smell didn't seem to be bothering them. They either couldn't smell anything at all (improbable), didn't want to be mean and point it out to Filch (impossible), or Snape's sense of smell was very acute that morning and it wasn't affecting everyone else nearly as bad. He returned his attention to Filch and thus didn't notice the Gryffindor trio walk by, all biting the insides of their cheeks to keep from laughing at Snape's flared nose and disapproving eyes. The Potions Master struggled to regain control over his features by breathing through his mouth.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Filch?" he asked.  
  
"I just wanted to let you know that I'm giving that Oliver boy another detention tonight," Filch heaved. Snape became desperate to get away from the smell.  
  
"Very well, very well," he said before turning on his heel and walking quickly toward the dungeons. He could no longer smell the strong disinfectant once he reached the bottom of the stairs. Snape released a grateful sigh for being away from the noisy students and once again in his quiet lair. He wasn't due to teach a class for a couple of hours, but he still liked to work during his free time. With no talking chatter boxes to muffle the noise, Snape's clip-clop steps echoed throughout the corridor. It was just the way he liked it; the dungeons were quiet and dark and there were no overpowering smells attacking your senses. Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks.  
  
'I've spoken too soon,' he thought as a new smell wafted toward him. It wasn't strong enough to really tell what it was. He steeled himself for the worst as he continued to his office. By the time Snape stopped in front of the secret passage to his office, he was pinching his nose together to ward off the smell of dead fish as much as possible. Snape looked up and down the corridor, trying to find the cause. A mewing sound rose up to his ears from somewhere around his feet, and Snape looked down to find Mrs. Norris staring up at him with bright red eyes. Snape furrowed his brow at her before taping the wall and entering his office.  
  
"Stupid cat probably got into something that oaf Hagrid left out," he mumbled as the wall closed behind him. Snape stopped in the middle of his office before inhaling deeply. It smelled musty (as all closed in spaces do), but above that smell was the smoky scent of oak firewood and the rich, sweet smell of tobacco from the pipes of the generations of professors past. Finding that everything smelled as it should in his sanctuary, Snape continued on to the classroom. He walked in and looked around before he repeated the process of inhaling deeply. There was...something. Snape breathed deeply again. Whatever it was, there wasn't much of it. He dismissed it as one of the smells that goes along with brewing multiple potions daily. Snape went about preparing the lessons and getting the student cupboard ready for the day's activities. He turned to go back to his office when he caught a whiff of something that shouldn't have been there. Snape faced the room once more and mentally braced himself. He breathed deeply and immediately began coughing and gagging slightly from the smell.  
  
"Oh no," he whispered once the coughing fit had ended.  
  
~  
  
"Are you sure we have to go in there?" Harry asked, looking pointedly at the classroom door.  
  
"We don't have much choice," Hermione said, about to enter the classroom. She stopped and looked around. Seeing no one, she pulled out her wand and cast a quick spell on all three of them that would help block out the smell.  
  
"Let's wait for someone else to go in first to see how they react," Hermione said, leading the boys away from the door. Two Ravenclaw students rounded the corner and pushed the door open. The smell was only into its first few hours and was already apparently really strong. The two Ravenclaws looked like they were going to be sick before covering their mouths and noses with their hands and entering the room.  
  
"What did you say it smells like again, Hermione?" Ron asked once the students disappeared inside.  
  
"Vomit," she said before faking a disgusted look and walking into the room. Harry and Ron followed suit. Everyone in the classroom looked sick to their stomachs from the stench of the place. Snape, however, was nowhere to be found. Hermione was beginning to wonder if he was going to show at all when a door in the corner opened and the man in question emerged. Hermione turned around to look at him but immediately turned back, afraid she would start laughing and wouldn't be able to stop. Snape was giving the entire class the most menacing look he could muster with a huge clothes pin on his nose. Hermione had cast a combination of two spells on him the night he had nearly caught her. One spell was the final part of the Smell Spell and the other was one that prevented him from being able to cast a spell that would block most of the smells (like the one Hermione had cast on herself, Harry, and Ron). Even though Snape was the only one who could smell most of the things the trio had cast spells on, Hermione wanted everyone to be able to smell the Potion's classroom.  
  
Snape gave the class their assignment before taking a seat behind his desk, practically daring anyone to complain about the smell. Hermione also got the hidden message behind the way he stalked to his desk and looked at her after he sat down. He was telling her that it wasn't going to be that easy to drive him out of his domain. Hermione completed the potion without meeting his eyes once. She thought Snape was actually going to let her off the hook when the end of class came. However, Snape called to her just as she reached the door.  
  
"Stay behind, Miss Granger," he said. Hermione pulled her bag higher on her shoulder as she backtracked to stand in front of him. Snape remained seated, studying her for a moment before speaking.  
  
"Did I or did I not warn you about your behavior?" he asked. Hermione jutted her chin forward.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, sir," she said.  
  
"Don't play games with me, you silly girl," he yelled, standing suddenly. He startled Hermione with his sudden outburst, and she took a step back. Snape visibly (and with much effort) calmed down before speaking again.  
  
"You are the one responsible for this," he said, waving at the classroom in general, "and I'm assuming you were in the corridor the other night to complete whatever plan you have now." Snape rounded the desk suddenly and stood in front of Hermione.  
  
"I won't lie down and take it this time, Miss Granger. You and your two friends had better start watching each other's backs a lot more carefully." Snape pointed his wand at the classroom door, which flew open and slammed into the wall behind.  
  
"Get out," he said. Hermione turned and ran from the room. Snape watched her disappear from sight before he sat behind his desk and began plotting his own revenge against Gryffindor House's golden three.  
  
~  
  
"Hermione, you can't be serious!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Oh, yes I can be," Hermione responded, already reaching for the cloak. Harry stood up and walked to her, putting his hand on the cloak to prevent her from picking it up.  
  
"After what he said to you," Ron said, walking around the table to join Harry and Hermione, "you're still going to cast another spell on him? You have to be joking! Do you have any idea what he would do to you if he caught you again?"  
  
"What do you mean 'again'?" Hermione asked, rounding on Ron. "He didn't catch me the last time. He only thought I was there."  
  
"Yeah," Harry said, "and he was right. He's not stupid, Hermione. He let you go then, but he won't next time."  
  
"He's got it coming to him," she said, jerking on the cloak that Harry held. "Besides, I can handle myself. Now let me GO!" Reluctantly, Harry released the cloak and watched as she threw it over herself and disappeared into the darkened castle.  
  
"We can't let her go alone," Ron said. Harry nodded his agreement and, for the second time in two days, cast the Disillusionment Charm on Ron and himself.  
  
~  
  
'Where is he?' Hermione thought, looking up and down every corridor. 'Where is he?' She finally found him on the second floor, walking very slowly and listening for the slightest sound. There were no convenient corners to hide behind, and it seemed that he had planned it this way. He would walk a few feet in one direction before turning and walking the other way. It was like he was waiting for her to show up. Hermione, hiding in the shadows, clenched her teeth together in a determined way before taking a step closer and pulling out her wand. She had just drawn a breath to say the spell when Snape whipped around and pointed his wand at the shadows, yelling something Hermione didn't quite catch because of the shock she was feeling. The cloak was blown away, exposing her entirely to Snape. She was frozen in place, unable to move even though her mind was screaming at her to run.  
  
Snape had just started casting another spell when someone yelled and someone else muttered a counter curse. Harry and Ron appeared on either side of Hermione, both of their wands pointed at Snape. Ron sent a tickling spell at Snape, but he moved sideways at just the right moment so the spell missed him. Snape in turn sent a stunning spell at Harry, but he also missed. Hermione's brain began working again, and she cast the spell she had intended to cast from the beginning. This time, a spell finally hit its mark. This caused Snape's attention to focus on Hermione. Both Harry and Ron threw spells at him at the same time, but he ducked them both and threw one of his own. It hit Hermione square in the chest. Ron threw another spell at Snape, which he easily ducked, but wasn't quite so fortunate with Harry's spell. It was similar to the body-binding spell, but it instead froze the person for thirty minutes. Hermione, Harry, and Ron ran all the way back to the Room of Requirement. Hermione walked in first and set the cloak on the table.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered. "I don't know what I would have done if you two hadn't shown up."  
  
"Just promise us something," said Ron.  
  
"Anything," said Hermione, looking from one to the other.  
  
"Don't ever refuse our help like that again," said Harry. Hermione smiled before nodding.  
  
"Okay." They gathered their stuff before leaving the Room of Requirement and sneaking back to the Common Room.  
  
Once the portrait closed behind them, Ron said, "Hermione, what spell did Snape hit you with?" Hermione shrugged.  
  
"I don't know," she said, heading to the girls' dorm, "but I guess we'll find out soon enough."  
  
****************  
  
Please review and let me know what you think! I'm open to any kind of feedback, suggestions...Whatever you feel like telling me.  
  
BTW, I'm going to explain why Snape hasn't gone straight to Dumbledore yet in the next chapter. 


	7. Personality Changes

A/N: Sorry this chapter took longer than usual! I've had a pile of homework, club activities, midterms, and I had to take the PSAT. I miss summer...  
  
Thanks to Lissie89, HIEIhotsause, ckat44, Kyra Invictus Black, HunnySnowBunny, Potter-luvver, La Pamplemousse, Lily of the Shadow, Slytherian Angel, Jade Kirk and Max LBC, Mary Snape, KrazyKate, Daxi, Sammy Rettop Malfoy, Carlin, Draco-Malfoy-Severus-Luva, and midniteblusoccer for the wonderful reviews! Forgive me if I've forgotten anyone. :)  
  
~MESSAGES~  
  
HIEIhotsause: Thanks for the earrings! Aren't they beautiful? :) What's my next reward?  
  
HunnySnowBunny: I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not planning on making it a SS/HG fic, but If anybody wants me to, I can write two endings to the story. One where they end up together and one where they don't. What do you think?  
  
Mary Snape: I know Snape is a very powerful wizard, and he could kick their butts with both hands tied behind his back, but this is just for fun. I think of it as Harry's, Ron's, and Hermione's fantasy. And Snape does get some revenge on the trio, but it's mostly about them getting back at him. If you have any suggestions about what he could do to them, I would love to hear them (because between you and me, I'm starting to run on empty in the "idea" department)!  
  
KrazyKate: At this point in time, I'm not planning on making it SS/HG. I could, however, write two endings: one where they end up together and one where they don't. What do you think?  
  
Daxi: Thank you for telling me to take my time. I usually try to post a new chapter in at least three weeks, but I've had a lot going on lately so it's taken longer.  
  
midniteblusoccer: I actually didn't have to take the SAT (yet) just the PSAT, but it still sucks. We find out our scores in December, and I'm dreading it. I did fairly well on my midterms, though, so they kind of made up for the PSAT.  
  
Big hug to my beta, Lissie! Isn't she the best?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
**********  
  
Chapter 7- 'Phase Five' continued  
  
Hermione rolled over and opened her eyes. The curtains around her four- poster were drawn closed, but the rising sun had managed to find just the right sliver to pass through to reach 'Mione's eyes. She blinked rapidly for a moment before bringing a hand to her face to rub the last of sleep away. Then her memory flooded with the thoughts of spells, dark corridors, and a Potion's Master. When the memory of the spell hit, Hermione sat up immediately and threw the curtains aside. She half-ran, half-stumbled across the seventh-year girls' dorm to the bathroom, not even bothering to keep quiet so she wouldn't wake the other sleeping girls. She had to know what Snape had done. When Hermione reached the bathroom, she turned toward the mirror. What she saw was...absolutely nothing. She could see herself, of course. Her bushy, brown hair was spread in every direction from tossing and turning all night, and she was squinting her eyes sleepily. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Hermione ran a hand through her curly mane in an exasperated manner before leaving the bathroom to prepare for the approaching day. The other girls were already beginning to stir, so Hermione grabbed her clothes quickly and returned to the bathroom.  
  
Thirty minutes later, Hermione threw her bag under the Gryffindor House table in the Great Hall and plopped down next to Harry with Ron sitting across from them. Both looked Hermione over closely, looking for the slightest abnormality. Finding none, they returned their questioning gazes to her face. Hermione shrugged.  
  
"I don't know what he did, but I found nothing unusual when I woke up this morning."  
  
"Do you think it didn't work?" asked Ron.  
  
"I highly doubt it," Hermione responded, pulling a plate a bacon toward her. "It just might take a few days for us to see whatever effect it's supposed to have."  
  
"I wonder what spell it was?" Harry said.  
  
"I would like that question answered myself," Hermione said, "because I have a feeling that whatever it is, it's going to highly embarrass me. But there's really no way to know, is there? Short of asking Snape himself, I mean. Besides, I don't remember the incantation he used. I guess we'll just have to wait and see." At that moment, all three Gryffindors turned slowly and looked at the teacher's table. Professor Snape was sitting in his usual spot. There was food on his plate, and he was pushing it around with a fork, but he wasn't paying any attention to it. His gaze was on the trio. His eyes were narrowed, and his mouth was turned up slightly at the corners. Even though the cloths pin was still firmly in place, he looked quite foreboding. Hermione, who normally would have taken this opportunity to grin or even wink in a sarcastic/evil manner at Snape, looked slightly sick all of a sudden. She pushed her plate away and slumped over, looking defeated. Harry and Ron looked at her, concern shining brightly in their eyes.  
  
"Are you okay?" Ron asked. Hermione didn't even attempt to mumble a response.  
  
"No matter what Snape did to you, remember that you got him, too," Ron said. Hermione smiled a little at him.  
  
"True," she said, brightening slightly. "Plus, the spell I cast starts working within the next few minutes while it seems his will take some time." Feeling better, Hermione pulled her plate back in front of her and started eating. They ate their breakfast for several minutes in silence, with Hermione throwing gleeful glances at Snape every so often. She was looking so much happier that Harry felt very reluctant to tell her what had just occurred to him. He sighed heavily before speaking.  
  
"Did you ever think that now he knows for sure it's us doing this to him, he'll go to Dumbledore?" Hermione's fork was halfway to her mouth, but it never made it. She set it back down with a clang and threw a frightened look at Dumbledore sitting in the middle of the teachers' table. Harry and Ron looked at him, too. He didn't look at all angry; quite the contrary, actually. He was laughing at something McGonagall had just said.  
  
Unbeknownst to the trio, Snape saw the way they were looking at the Headmaster. He knew exactly why they were looking at Dumbledore like that, too. They were worried that Snape had gone running to the Headmaster, complaining that a group of students were picking on him. Severus snorted. 'Not hardly,' he thought. Snape, in fact, had not gone to Dumbledore and told him about what his three precious students had been up to since the start of school. Oh, he had been planning on talking to Dumbledore about his suspicions, but then he decided to wait until he had proof. But now...He kept thinking he would go to Dumbledore by the end of the day, but in the back of his mind he knew he wouldn't. That would mean admitting defeat and giving up, and there was no way Severus was going to let those...those children win the war. Suddenly, Snape smiled evilly. Soon, very soon, the spell he had cast on Hermione would begin working. If it hadn't already, that is. Snape swiped his napkin across his pale lips before throwing it onto the table next to his plate and standing up. Even though he had the clothespin firmly in place, he could still smell the stink of a pigsty. His appetite had deserted him the moment he had walked into the Great Hall, but he had stayed anyway to prove a point. Now he could return to his office for a couple of hours of peace before the first horde of students invaded his space.  
  
As Severus walked the familiar path behind the rest of the professors seated at the Head Table, his mind had already moved on to other matters. He went over the first lesson plan in his head as he walked down the three steps leading from the raised platform the Head Table sat on. 'First,' he thought, 'they will prepare the ingredients for the fairly weak truth potion. Second-' Snape made it to step three of the lesson plan (and ten steps away from the platform) when, suddenly, someone tackled him from behind. It was such a shock that he barely had time to put his arms in front of his face. His elbows hit the floor first, and pain shot through his arms as the rest of his body followed, making a loud THUD sound. His nose hit the back of his arm, breaking the clothespin and flooding his senses with a smell worse than the vomit. Snape buried his face in his arms in an attempt to block out the odor, but the weight of something still wrapped around his legs made him lift up his head to look. He was still in the Great Hall, surrounded by the entire student body, all of whom where laughing their hardest. Embarrassment caused the anger to flow even hotter in his blood as hundreds of the perfect curses he could use on whoever was still wrapped around his legs ran through his mind.  
  
Snape whipped his head around furiously, preparing to curse whoever it was to the eighth level of hell. Who he saw was...no one. There was no student still holding on to his legs, no student standing above him glowing with pride from having taken down the Potions Master. But it felt like someone was still hanging on to him, and this was a very confusing feeling. Ignoring the laughter, Snape tried to move the lower part of his body. It was then he discovered why it felt like there was an anchor on his legs. His cloak was wrapped around him so tightly it was almost to the point of cutting off circulation. Snape began moving his legs rapidly, trying to disentangle himself from the cloak. After about a minute, Dumbledore came to his rescue, albeit with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Just be still for a moment, Severus," he said. "I believe it will loosen shortly." So, Snape stopped moving and laid perfectly still on the floor of the Great Hall. Most of the laughter had quieted, but some students were still smiling broadly in Snape's direction. He didn't look at any of them, though. He counted the floor tiles around him instead. Then Dumbledore was proved correct. The cloak went limp, releasing his legs. Dumbledore helped Snape to his feet and held onto his arm to keep him from toppling over. Satisfied Snape wasn't going to fall again, Dumbledore let go of his arm.  
  
"Thank you, Headmaster," Snape said while straightening his cloak. He had just turned to leave when a very high-pitched giggle rang out, followed by, "Oh my God, that was totally awesome!" Snape froze as the rest of the Great Hall turned in the direction of the Gryffindor table, no doubt looking for either that Parkinson or Patil girl because it had sounded just like them. Snape knew exactly who it was, though, without even having to look. 'And it's about bloody time,' he thought. Following the rest of the Great Hall, Snape turned his head to look at the Gryffindors. His eyes immediately landed on the source of the outburst: Hermione Granger. Her eyes were wide with shock , her face pale. Both hands were covering her mouth which, Snape was sure, was wide open under the palms. The only other two people staring at Hermione (as far as Snape could tell) were sitting across the table from her; namely Potter and Weasley. Both of their mouths were wide open, too. Snape smiled evilly. The spell was finally beginning to work. By the end of the week, Hermione would be the one thing she hated most: a flirtatious swallow valley-girl. Then the smile disappeared as a thought hit him. Snape looked down at his robe, up at Hermione, then at his robe once more. 'That's it,' he thought. Hermione must have charmed his robes to wrap around his legs in an attempt to trip him. It was a fairly clever spell, especially when he wasn't expecting it the first time. It would probably take a few tries (and a few falls) before he figured out how many steps it took for the robe to wrap around him and how to remain standing upright once it did. After that, however, it would be fairly easy to muddle through the day until the spell wore off. In the back of his mind, he was a little disappointed. He had hoped that Hermione's spell would have been more of a challenge. 'Oh well,' he thought as he returned his gaze to Hermione. She no longer looked like she was going to pass out, but she still looked ill. Suddenly, she caught Snape's eye.  
  
His evil grin returned as he walked out of the Great Hall, counting steps along the way. The Entrance Hall was deserted which, in Snape's mind, was a good thing. There would be no one around to witness his robes wrap around his legs again, most likely causing him to fall. Thirty steps outside of the Great Hall, the same sensation of someone tackling him happened too quickly to prevent the following fall. Luckily, however, Snape had enough warning that he was able to twist his body so he would land on his back instead of his face. He laid in the middle of the Entrance Hall for exactly two minutes before the robes lost their strength. He stood and continued on to the dungeons. He fell again thirty steps later, but was able to catch himself the second time before he finally made it to his classroom. Snape had the door halfway closed when a force on the other side stopped it. He pulled the door open once more and was shocked to find Hermione standing there, her eyes flashing fire and one hand pressing on the door so hard her knuckles were white.  
  
Snape struggled to keep the shock from his face as he said, "Come in, Miss Granger." Hermione walked past him and into the classroom, positively shaking with suppressed anger. She released a little bit of it, however, when she threw her bag down furiously. Snape slowly closed the door and counted the steps to the chair behind his desk. The distance was one short of his robes attacking him again. He sat down and turned to face Hermione, who was pacing in front of his desk.  
  
"What do you want?" he asked after a moment.  
  
"I wanted to ask you a question," she said, still pacing. Snape remained quiet, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't after several minutes, he spoke again.  
  
"Well? Are you going to ask me or are you going to continue wearing a hole in my floor?" Hermione came to a stop in front of his desk and turned to face him.  
  
"What the heck did you DO to me?" she yelled, slamming her hands on his desk and making an even louder sound than Snape himself had made the first time he'd fallen.  
  
"You're not that dim-witted, Miss Granger," he said, absolutely nonplused at her outburst. "Surely you've figured it out by now."  
  
"You've turned me into one of those frumpy twits with no brains!" Snape kept his face passive and made no comment. "They care more about hair and make-up than about actually passing an exam! How well I do in school is important to me, Professor Snape." This time, Snape raised his eyebrows in a sarcastic 'No kidding?' look. Hermione ignored him. Sighing heavily, she said, "Not that I actually think you're going to tell me, but how long will the spell last?" Snape shrugged dramatically.  
  
"I have no idea, Miss Granger." Hermione nodded slowly.  
  
"I expected that," she whispered. Then she straightened to her fullest height and stuck her chin out in that determined way Snape had come to know and slightly admire. "Then so be it," she said before grabbing her bag and walking briskly out the door, snapping it shut behind her. Snape smiled his first genuine smile in weeks before turning his attention to the several stacks of paper on his desk.  
  
~  
  
Over the next week, the spell on Hermione steadily progressed. It went from being an occasional "totally" or "like, whatever" to an hour's long "she said, then I said, then she said" conversation with Harry. Poor Harry was tempted to jump off one of the towers after that. Usually Hermione would realize what she had done right afterward, but it was like she had a whole new personality by the end of the week. On Friday, she arrived in the Great Hall twenty minutes late. She was wearing make-up, her hair was pulled back, and her school robe was open several more inches than what it usually was. She threw her bag under the table as she took a seat next to Ron. She smiled at the boys before smacking her gum in an incredibly annoying manner.  
  
"Uh, good morning, Hermione," Ron said, looking hesitant.  
  
"Morning," she said. She looked around the Great Hall for a moment before her eyes grew wide. "Oh! Did you hear about Patrick Thomas? He got caught cheating! I wonder what Dumbledore's going to do to him? Do you think he'll get expelled? Wouldn't that be terrible! He's only a first year, you know. I hope Dumbledore goes easy on him. Oh! Christie is sitting next to Mark! I wonder what's going on with those two? She's had a crush on him for the longest time, you know. I'm going to ask her. 'Bye guys!" All of this was said on practically one breath, but Hermione didn't look winded. Quite the contrary, actually. Her cheeks were tinted red and her eyes bright with the prospect of gossiping with a girlfriend. It was Harry and Ron who looked winded even though they never got the chance to respond to any of Hermione's questions/comments.  
  
"Harry," Ron said meekly.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"When is Hermione going to be back to normal? This new Hermione is about to drive me insane!"  
  
"I have no idea, Ron. We can only hope that the spell wears off during the day." But it didn't. Hermione continued to act like Harry's and Ron's worst nightmare. She smacked her gum so loudly in McGonagall's class that she was asked (very curtly) to spit it out. Her response of, "Chill lady," got her "excused" for the rest of the lesson. The only teacher who wasn't punishing Hermione for her behavior was Snape. He actually seemed to be enjoying it when she lazily raised her hand to answer a question but got it wrong (her only reaction to that was shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly) or when she dropped her entire handful of newt's eyes and darted around the room yelling, "I'll get them! I'll get them!"  
  
"Of course he's enjoying it. He's twisted!" hissed Ron as they worked on their individual potions.  
  
"I know that, Ron," said Harry. He looked at Hermione and sighed. "It's been a week already! You would think the spell would be gone by know. I just hope it doesn't last too much longer or else I will wind up jumping off of that tower." A small chuckle issued from behind them. Harry and Ron turned around and found Snape standing there, a small smile on his lips.  
  
"Not enjoying Miss Granger's new personality?" Neither one of them moved. Snape looked in Hermione's direction. "I think it's a major improvement. I may cast it on her again so it will last longer." He looked back at the boys and absolutely delighted in the fact that they had horror-struck expressions at that last statement. Snape's smile became a little more prominent before he walked away. Harry heard Ron mutter, "evil, evil, evil" over and over again, but Harry blocked him out as his mind worked feverishly on a plan to get revenge for Hermione. He thought of and discarded plan after plan. None of them were good enough. Hermione had been humiliated this week, so whatever they did in retaliation had to be good. Then, a thought hit Harry. A wonderful, evilly brilliant plan formed in his mind as they were released from their last class. Harry grabbed Ron immediately and took him to the Room of Requirement. Harry told Ron his plan, and Ron feigned jealously over not having come up with it himself.  
  
~  
  
Snape was on duty that night, Harry knew. It was the perfect opportunity to get him back for what he had done to Hermione. Under the cover of the Disillusionment Charm, Harry and Ron set out after Snape. They found him patrolling a corridor on the second floor. The boys split up; Harry would approach from behind and Ron was going around to distract Snape and get him to turn his back to Harry. Suddenly, Ron yelled, "Yo! Professor Snape!" As planned, Snape turned to face the voice, giving Harry full access to his back. Harry quickly cast the spell as Ron shot off green sparks. Realizing they were on different sides of him, Snape pressed his back against the wall and looked from one end to the other.  
  
"Getting me back for your friend, boys?" he asked. "This is a very cowardly manner in which to do it. I can't even see you to defend myself properly." Harry and Ron immediately got rid of the charm so Snape could see them. Snape fired one spell at Harry and one at Ron. Harry got hit and was propelled backward into the wall, stunning him slightly. Ron was left to defend himself against Snape. He threw charm after charm at the Potions Master, but each one missed. Snape managed to hit Ron with a charm of his own between Ron's spells. Ron doubled over and stumbled backward from shock.  
  
"There," he said, putting his wand away. "Now I suggest you and Potter get back to the common room before I give you a detention for being out of bed after hours." Ron stood and walked quickly to Harry. After helping Harry to his feet, they ran like crazy to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
"He let us go, Harry. Can you believe it? He let us go!" Ron said once the portrait closed.  
  
"I know," Harry said, still slightly shocked.  
  
"But why did he let us go? We were out of bed after hours and we hit him with a spell. He should be expelling us right now!"  
  
"Keep your voice down, Ron! I know he should be expelling us as we speak." They both grew quiet for a moment, thinking.  
  
"Maybe," Ron said, looking scared, "maybe the spell he got me with is worse than getting expelled. Maybe he thinks it will be punishment enough! Oh Merlin!" Ron sank weakly onto the overstuffed sofa.  
  
"No, I don't think that's it. I know this sounds crazy, Ron, but I think he's actually enjoying this. The way he's been smiling lately and stuff...Have you ever seen that man smile in the over six years we've been here? I sure haven't! And now he let us go after we were caught out of bed AND after we ambushed him! There's no other explanation..." Ron looked slightly pale, but he nodded in agreement.  
  
"Listen, Ron, there's no use worrying about it. Let's just go to bed, and we'll deal with whatever happens when it happens. Okay?" Ron nodded before standing. As he and Harry walked up the stairs leading to their dorm, Ron felt like he was going to be sick.  
  
*************************  
  
I know this chapter wasn't very funny, but the next one will be! Just wait until you see what I've got in mind for Snape this time. :)  
  
I need suggestions for what Snape could do to the trio because I'm running out of stuff. Right now, I'm only planning on maybe two more chapters. Unless I get suggestions, that is. Come on, people! Put on your thinking caps and help me out!  
  
~IMPORTANT!~ I meant no offence to anyone with my descriptions of valley-girls. I just thought that this is most likely Hermione's opinion on the subject anyway and had her act accordingly. 


	8. Things, They Are a'Changin'

A/N: This has been the longest it has ever taken me to update a story. A lot has been going on, and I haven't had much time to write. I am so glad Christmas break is right around the corner. Anyway, I hope this chapter was worth the wait!  
  
Thanks to Professor Farfie, HIEIhotsause, wildchild8, Luva, MedNar, Tropic Of Scorpio, La Pamplemousse, Lissie89, :), Linda E., and RivanKnight.  
  
Thanks to everyone who suggested things for me to do to the trio! The suggestions have been very helpful, and you have no idea how much I appreciate all of them!  
  
~MESSAGES~  
  
Professor Farfie: That's a great idea! I'm going to try to use that in the next chapter.  
  
HIEIhotsause: I love your idea for switching their minds. In fact...Oh, never mind. Just read the chapter and you'll see what I mean! The gifts keep getting better. Thanks for the bunny. He's really sweet! I haven't come up with a name, yet, though. What do you think about cotton? :) I can't wait for my next gift!  
  
Luva: You're the first to say anything about his warped sense of humor. I'm glad you enjoy it. It's so much fun to write! When I started this fic, I wasn't planning on ending it with Snape and Hermione together, but I may write an alternative ending where they do end up together. We'll just have to see, though. :)  
  
MedNar: LOL! Yeah, they scare me a lot, too. You'll just have to wait until I write the end of the story to see what happens (I'm not even sure what's going to happen myself). Do you mean will Hermione and Snape wind up together in the end? At this point in time, no. I may, however, write an alternative ending in which they do. We'll just have to see... :)  
  
Lissie89: Hehe, I'm glad the story is keeping you on the edge of your seat. Hmm...I really like the Quidditch match idea. Thanks!  
  
Linda E.: Thanks for all the great ideas! I don't know what I'm going to do in the next chapter because of all the great ideas people have given me!  
  
RivanKnight: I'm glad you like the story! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with Hermione and Snape in the end because I wasn't necessarily aiming for them to wind up together. I may write an alternative ending, though, in which they do. I guess we'll see... :)  
  
I bow down to the best beta in the world: Lissie!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
**********  
  
Chapter 8 - 'Phase Six'  
  
Harry and Ron woke up simultaneously and fought with the curtains surrounding each of their beds to get loose. They came face to face for the first time since getting hit with Snape's spells. They looked themselves over first before looking at each other. Neither one of them felt or looked any different. Harry sighed and rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair, making it stand on end.  
  
"I hate the waiting," Harry said.  
  
"Yeah," mumbled Ron. "What do you think he did?"  
  
"There's no telling," said Harry, staring at the floor. They were silent for a moment before Harry chuckled slightly.  
  
"What?" asked Ron.  
  
"I can't wait until the spell we got him with starts working," he said. This cheered Ron up, and he chuckled slightly, too. Then both boys turned to their trunks to find their clothes.  
  
~  
  
"Have you seen Hermione?" Ron asked Ginny once he and Harry were seated at Gryffindor's House Table.  
  
"Not since yesterday," she said. "What's been up with her this week? Practically all she's talked about is hair and makeup, and I don't think she opened even one of her books this weekend. Do you two know what's going on?" Harry only shrugged as Ron's face fell. They had avoided Hermione all weekend, hoping that they wouldn't have to talk to her again until the spell wore off. Neither Harry nor Ron were eager to listen to any more gossip. Suddenly, the girl in question appeared in the doorway. Ron jabbed Harry in the side and motioned toward the door. The boys breathed a sigh of relief as they looked at her. Hermione looked normal, thank goodness. Her hair hung in an unruly mess around her shoulders, and it didn't look like she had used any makeup to cover the bags under her eyes. She yawned sleepily as she joined the boys at the table and threw her bag down.  
  
"Good morning," they whispered quietly. Hermione merely mumbled as she pulled food toward her.  
  
She finally woke up after a few minutes and asked the boys, "Was this past week absolutely horrible?" Harry and Ron shot each other worried looks.  
  
"You don't remember?" Harry asked. Hermione narrowed her eyes as if in thought.  
  
"Vaguely but not much. Everybody has been giving me really weird looks this morning. What did I do?"  
  
"What did you do? You went all girly on us," said Ron. "Hair, makeup, gum smacking...You didn't even stop to breathe when you spoke. I'm surprised McGonagall didn't kill you when you told her to "chill lady" on Friday after she told you to spit your gum out." Hermione's mouth had fallen open as she stared at Ron with a look of pure horror.  
  
"I did WHAT?!" she shrieked.  
  
"Shh!" said Harry. "Keep your voice down."  
  
"Snape! Oh, I'm going to give that man a piece of my mind right now," she said, standing up and started toward the Head Table. Ron reached up and grabbed her robe, yanking on it slightly to make her sit. She plopped down next to him.  
  
"You can't, Hermione. He could still get us into a lot of trouble," Harry said, trying to reason with her. Hermione looked crestfallen.  
  
"I know something that will cheer you up, though. We"-he nodded toward Ron- "got him back for you." This bit of news did cheer her up.  
  
"What did you do?" she asked while looking at Snape. Harry and Ron smiled.  
  
"You'll see soon enough," Ron said. "Only..." Hermione looked at him sharply. "What?"  
  
"He got Harry and me with something. We don't know what yet." Hermione made a noise in her throat and looked back at Snape. The professor caught her eye and raised his glass to her in a salute before drinking deeply.  
  
"Tell me that whatever you two did to him is going to be really bad." Harry and Ron smiled evilly.  
  
"Trust us, Hermione," said Ron.  
  
"It's worse than bad," said Harry.  
  
~  
  
Hermione felt much better after Harry's and Ron's repeated reassurances that Snape's payback was going to be wonderful. Well, wonderful for the trio anyway. Hermione smiled happily (albeit sleepily) as they left the Great Hall for their first class. She was a little caught off guard, however, when Snape's silky voice rang out behind them.  
  
"Miss Granger," he called. The trio stopped and turned to face him. "Come with me, please." He didn't even break his stride as he continued past the three and on toward the dungeons. Hermione fell into step behind him after telling the boys to inform Flitwick of her whereabouts. Snape didn't say another word to Hermione until he was seated behind his desk in the classroom.  
  
"Back to normal, are we?" he asked in a sarcastic manner. Hermione narrowed her eyes at him.  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"I'm sure Potter and Weasley were glad when they saw you this morning," he said. This time, Hermione didn't respond at all.  
  
There was silence for a moment or two before Snape said, "Very well. You may go." He reached across his desk and grabbed a stack of papers. "That's all?" Hermione asked. "That's what you brought me here for? Just to comment on my being back to normal?" It was Snape's turn to remain silent. He flipped through the papers, completely ignoring the girl standing before him. Hermione sighed in an aggravated manner before turning to leave. As soon as her hand touched the door, Snape stood and pointed his wand at her. He said the incantation quickly before slipping the wand back into his robes. Hermione felt the spell more than heard it, and she whipped around to face the professor, feeling quite shocked.  
  
"What was THAT?" she yelled. Snape raised his eyebrows in an innocent way.  
  
"I have no idea what you are yelling about, Miss Granger. Now, you really should get to your first class. I have a lot to prepare." Hermione remained frozen, clutching the doorknob hard.  
  
"What did you just do to me?" This time, she was whispering. Doing away with the innocent act, Snape smiled at her.  
  
"We shall see soon enough, won't we? Now," he said, walking around his desk and toward Hermione, "leave me be and go to class." He reached above her head and grabbed the door, pulling it open. "Go," he repeated, a bit more sternly when she didn't move. Hermione looked up at him before stepping into the empty corridor and walking slowly toward Charms class. Hermione's foot was on the first step leading out of the dungeons when she heard something very strange. She turned around and strained her ears, trying to figure out what that sound was. After a moment, she understood. It was laughter; very deep, loud laughter, and it was coming from the potion's classroom. Snape was the only one in the potion's classroom. Hermione's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and she came to the conclusion right then and there that Snape was insane, and there was no telling what he had done to her this time. Hermione hurriedly left the dungeons and practically ran to Flitwick's class. She didn't get a chance to tell Harry and Ron what had happened until they were seated in DADA class.  
  
"He got you with a spell?" Ron said, even more horrified than Hermione.  
  
"That means he got all three of us at once," said Harry, also shocked.  
  
"Just like that? As you were leaving the room?" continued Ron.  
  
"I know, Harry," said Hermione. "I wonder if we got our own forms of embarrassment or if all of our spells are connected somehow?"  
  
"No warning at all? I mean, your hand is on the door and poof"-Ron threw his hands in the air-"you're hit?"  
  
"Yes, Ron," Hermione growled.  
  
"That's a good question, Hermione," whispered Harry. "My question is: When do we find that out?"  
  
"Probably by tomorrow morning," said Hermione.  
  
"Great. Lots of restful sleep for me tonight," said Ron, smacking his head against his desk with a loud THUD!  
  
~  
  
(A/N: This next section gets a little confusing. From now on, when I refer to either Harry, Ron, or Hermione, I am usually referring to their mind/personality and not their body, unless they are talking to each other around other people. You'll see what I mean in a minute. I'm sorry if anyone gets confused!)  
  
Hermione didn't sleep well that night. Every time she managed to fall asleep, she would dream of all the awful things Snape could have done and would wake up with a racing heart and shallow breath. She finally fell asleep from sheer exhaustion around four and slept fitfully until a little past dawn. Hermione was tempted to skip all of her classes and sleep in, but the thought of failing those classes finally convinced her to open her eyes. The first thing that came to her was that the bed felt weird. Not weird in an uncomfortable way, but it was definitely not her bed. Hermione sat straight up, confused and a little frightened. The curtains around the bed were too thick to see out of, so she began looking for the opening. Once she found it, she very carefully drew them apart so she could peak out. Even though things were a little blurry, she could tell that she wasn't even in the girls' dorm anymore. She was sleeping in a bed in the boys' dorm.  
  
Hermione got out of the bed quickly and looked around. No matter how many times she blinked and rubbed at her eyes everything remained blurry. However, from the many times she had spent there, she knew she had been sleeping in Harry's bed. When Hermione went to rub her eyes again, she put both hands entirely on her face and immediately stopped moving. It didn't feel like her face. She took the hands and ran them down the alien face, over the neck, and onto the chest. 'Oh my god,' she thought, looking down. 'Oh my god!' It wasn't her body! The room began spinning and Hermione thought she was going to faint. To keep from doing just that, she sat on the edge of Harry's bed and put the unknown head between the knees. She sat like this for five minutes with her eyes closed, trying not to think about anything.  
  
When she was a little calmer, Hermione leaned over the bed and felt around on the night stand. Finding the desired glasses, she put them on, and the room came into focus. Hermione got up slowly and made her way to the bathroom. She wasn't very surprised to find Harry staring at her out of the mirror. As Hermione had been trying not to pass out, she couldn't help but think about her predicament and try to figure out how she had gotten this way. Pretty much the only possible cause was Snape. 'So,' she thought, staring at her new self, 'he's switched our minds. Good grief.' Hermione turned and made her way to Ron's bed, wondering if she would find Ron in an entirely different situation or if it would be Harry. 'If he switched all of our minds,' she continued to muse, 'then this will be Harry and Ron is in my body.' At this thought, she groaned very loudly. She knew Ron would freak out horribly when he woke up, and probably wake the whole castle with his screaming. Hermione reached the bed and pulled the curtains aside. There was Ron's body, lying face down in the pillow with red hair sticking up at odd angles. But was it Ron's or Harry's mind occupying the body? Hermione opted for the latter.  
  
"Harry?" she whispered, then stopped. She had fully expected to hear Harry's voice when she spoke, but it was just weird to hear it like that for the first time. She cleared her throat.  
  
"Harry?" she said again, shaking Ron's shoulder. 'This is going to get so confusing,' she thought. Harry (or was it Ron?) mumbled something into the pillow. "Harry!" Her voice was slightly louder this time as she shook Ron's shoulder a little harder.  
  
"Wha'?" came the muffled reply. Ron's body turned over and blinked rapidly for a moment before turning his eyes toward Hermione. Then he screamed, startled. Hermione immediately put her hand to his mouth. 'It's Harry alright,' she thought.  
  
"Shh! Harry it's me, Hermione. Snape has switched all of our brains." Harry had quit screaming into Hermione's palm, but his eyes were incredibly wide. Hermione removed her hand.  
  
"Hermione?" Harry said, starting wide-eyed at himself. "Then that means Ron- "  
  
"-is in my body, yeah," Hermione finished for him. Harry ran a hand through the bright red hair before throwing his legs over the side of the bed.  
  
"We have to go get him before he wakes up and freaks out," he said, heading for the door. Hermione fell into step right behind him. They made it to the stairs leading to the girls' dorm when a thought occurred to Hermione.  
  
"Harry?" she said, eyeing the stairs. "Boys can't go up those stairs, remember? They'll turn into a big slide." Harry stopped with a foot on the first step. He stood there thinking for a moment before he backed up several steps and ran at the stairs. He was airborne for a few seconds before he landed fairly far up. He reached out and grabbed the banister a second before the stairs disappeared and were replaced with a giant slide. Harry struggled for a few seconds before getting his feet underneath him and using the banister to help himself the rest of the way up. Poor Hermione had to use the banister at the very beginning of the slide. Harry held out his hand to her once she was close enough, and he pulled her the rest of the way up. Together they approached Hermione's bed, the occupant of which was snoring loudly.  
  
"I didn't know you snored," whispered Harry, smiling a little. Hermione's cheeks turned red.  
  
"I do not! That's one of Ron's habits that he has now transferred to my body!" Hermione wasn't even sure if that was possible, but she knew that she did not snore! Harry said nothing in response. 'Very wise, Potter,' she thought darkly, still embarrassed. Once they reached the bed, Hermione pulled the curtains aside to expose her sleeping form.  
  
"I see now why you screamed when you first saw me," she said to Harry. "This is creepy."  
  
"Just wait until you start talking to yourself," he said, reaching down to shake who was surely Ron. The sleeping form stirred slightly, but didn't wake.  
  
"Get ready to stop the screaming," Harry commanded, reaching down to shake Ron again. This time, the eyes flew open. Then, like Harry, Ron screamed when he caught sight of himself. Hermione repeated the action of covering the screaming mouth with her hand. Only this time, it was her own mouth she covered. Everything was feeling more surreal by the minute.  
  
"Shh!" said Harry, looking around the dorm quickly. "You don't want to have everyone running up here to see what's wrong, do you?"  
  
"Ron," Hermione said, "it's Hermione and Harry. Snape has switched our brains. I'm in Harry's body, Harry is in your body, and you are in my body." Her own eyes stared at her fearfully.  
  
"Look down and see for yourself." She took her hand off the mouth and stepped back. She watched as Ron looked down at the baby-blue pajamas before using his hands up to feel his new face and bushy hair.  
  
"Oh Merlin," he whispered before looking up into his own face. "Harry?"  
  
"Yeah. Weird feeling, isn't it?"  
  
"Okay," Hermione said, starting toward the stairs, "we each need to get dressed and meet in the Common Room in ten minutes."  
  
"Get dressed?" whispered Ron feebly. Hermione stopped in her tracks. 'Oh no,' she thought, turning to face Harry and Ron. It hadn't occurred to her until now that there was no telling how long they were going to be in each other's bodies. Going to the bathroom, taking showers, changing clothes...One problem after another suddenly presented itself. Nothing had changed for Harry, but Ron and Hermione were both in completely unfamiliar territory.  
  
"Oh God," she said, putting a hand to her forehead. "Harry, go get changed while I help Ron." She looked at him under her hand. He seemed to find this whole situation very amusing because he was smiling. Hermione would have killed him outright if he dared to laugh. He didn't, though; he only struggled to control the smile as he walked past her. She scowled at him, but he didn't seem to notice. Then she looked back at Ron. His cheeks were on fire and he wasn't looking at her.  
  
"Okay, Ron," she said, taking a step closer. Ron stopped picking at the cover and looked at her. She sighed. "Stand up."  
  
~  
  
Harry was sitting in a chair in the Common Room by the time Hermione and Ron slid down the slide to join him. Both of their faces were bright red. It was the most embarrassing situation of Hermione's entire life, and she was sure it was the same for Ron. Harry was still smiling like the fiend he was. Hermione scowled at him again.  
  
"I'm going to change. I'll be right back," she said, bounding up the stairs to the boys' dorm. Harry smiled brightly at Ron, who looked like he was going to be sick.  
  
"Are you okay...Hermione?" he asked, glancing around carefully for eavesdroppers. Ron nodded weakly. Hermione rejoined them a few minutes later and motioned for them to follow her out the portrait hole. They made it to the Room of Requirement without meeting very many people because breakfast had already started. As soon as the door closed, Ron sank into a chair and put his head in his hands.  
  
"Oh my God," he said.  
  
"I know, Ron," Hermione said, patting his shoulder. "I know."  
  
"Well," said Harry cheerfully, "look on the bright side. The spell on Snape should be working today, too." Hermione looked a little happier with that news but not Ron.  
  
"I don't care," he said, looking up at Harry. "Look at me. I'm a girl! I'm Hermione!" Harry narrowed his eyes at Ron.  
  
"I've been a girl before, too, Ron. Remember that little episode in the Three Broomsticks? Remember how amusing you thought that was? At least you're not going to draw any attention like I did." Hermione looked at him sharply, but she decided not to take that as an insult. Not this time, at least. Ron also said nothing.  
  
"Oh, cheer up, Ron," said Hermione, looking back at Ron. "Harry's right. We get to see whatever you two did to Snape today. At least that will make up for this a little." Still, Ron said nothing.  
  
"Oh, come on!" Harry said, grabbing Ron's wrist and pulling him out of the chair. "I'm hungry. It's time for breakfast. We can stop by the Common Room and grab our stuff." And so, they filed out of the Room of Requirement; Ron's body with Harry's mind leading, a pale Hermione with Ron's mind in the middle, and an excited Harry with Hermione's mind bringing up the rear.  
  
~ The Great Hall was bustling with activity when the trio arrived a few minutes later. As they each took their seat, they looked at the head table; no Snape anywhere. Harry smiled and laughed slightly as a thought hit him.  
  
"What?" Hermione (A/N: in Harry's body) asked, grabbing a plate of bacon.  
  
"He probably took a little extra time to get ready this morning," Harry said, the smile growing wider. For the first time all morning, Ron smiled. It was a little timid at first, but it soon grew to the same size as Harry's smile. Hermione couldn't stand the anticipation anymore and had just opened her mouth to say so when the Great Hall doors burst open. Ron, Harry, and Hermione turned to see what was going on. Hermione nearly fell off her seat at the sight before her.  
  
There stood the pale, feared, temperamental, and very powerful Potions Master. On his head was a wide-brimmed purple hat covered with wild flowers, and he was wearing a purple dress that would have been extremely clingy on a woman. The dress had slits on each side that reached a little above his knees. A pair of black shoes completed the outfit. One of the most shocking things about Snape's appearance , however, had nothing to do with the large hat or purple dress. Snape was wearing makeup: very red blush, very red lipstick, and eye shadow. Hermione was so distracted by his pose, though, that she didn't even bother to wonder why (or how) Snape had access to makeup. Snape's right hand was behind his head, on the back of his hat, and his left hand was on his left hip. The lower half of his body was turned to the side, but the upper half was facing the Great Hall. His chin was thrust up slightly, his nose in the air. Then Hermione saw how his right leg was positioned. Both of his legs were bent slightly, but the right knee was turned out some; so much so that the slit couldn't keep it fully covered. There stood Professor Snape, in the doors of the Great Hall, wearing makeup and a hat covered with flowers, and everyone could very clearly see his pale, hairy leg, right up to the knee.  
  
"Hello all,"he said in a deep, husky voice. This time, Hermione really did fall off of her seat.  
  
***********  
  
I've almost made it to a hundred reviews, so please REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! It would really make my day if I actually did reach a hundred with this chapter. And thanks again to everyone who gave me suggestions. More would be greatly appreciated, so keep those suggestions coming! 


	9. Shades of the Shell Game

A/N: This is the quickest I've updated the story in quite a while! This is why we should get holidays from school more often. :)  
  
Thanks to Gryffindor 620, ckat44, La Pamplemousse, gaia-moore, lilbutterfly, dav, Ptter-luvver, Brittany Malfoy, Tiani Lunaris, AlastrionaSnape, Denara, MedNar, Lil Nena, fragmentpieces, wildchild8, MM&AD4ever, Kyra Invictus Black, Mab, PotionsGoddess, Daxi, RivanKnight, Lahna, Tin, Bindi, Professor Farfie, Lissie89, Jade Kirk and Max LBC, Lady Shadowlight, Lady Fortune, HIEIhotsause, Elza, midniteblusoccer, Sphinxey, and mystic for the WONDERFUL reviews! I have gotten more reviews for the past chapter than I've ever gotten for any of the others.  
  
I made it to 100! You have no idea how excited I was when I signed on to ff.net and found all of those fantastic review. You guys are the best! Thank you so much!  
  
~MESSAGES~  
  
Gryffindor620: Even if I hadn't reached 100 reviews, I would have still updated the story. It's just too much fun to write! :) I'm glad you're enjoying reading it! And thank you for reviewing!  
  
La Pamplemousse: LOL, your review had me rolling on the floor! No, Snape doesn't know how he's acting, but whether or not he likes it...I have no idea. I agree with you, though, but it's still a disturbing thought. *shudders*  
  
gaia-moore: I promise I'll help Ron out soon, but I have yet to decide if he will be humiliated first. :)  
  
lilbutterfly: I hope your floor isn't too hard. :)  
  
Tiani Lunaris: LOL! "Genius" is way too kind of you to say, but thank you anyway! That mental image of Draco is really funny, too. Do you remember what story that was?  
  
AlastrionaSnape: I haven't decided how long the spell is going to last on the trio yet. It depends on whether or not I have to humiliate Ron. :)  
  
Denara: You spit water all over your computer? *smiles sheepishly* Sorry...I've done that before, so you're not alone. :) I'm glad you liked the description of Snape. It honestly hit me at the last second.  
  
MedNar: I'm glad you're enjoying to story! Snape has been given a woman's personality. Basically, he thinks he's a woman. *grins* And it doesn't last for very long. It ends in this chapter actually. I'm glad you like the idea of an alternate ending. I'm still just toying with it, but I'm liking the idea of it more and more myself.  
  
Lil Nena: Thank you so much for adding me to your favorites! I'm glad you like the story that much. What would you think about two endings? The original one I was intending to write (in which Hermione and Snape do not wind up together) and one in which they do.  
  
fragmentpieces: Thank you for the suggestion! That would be pretty funny. :) Thank you again for reviewing!  
  
wildchild8: I'm glad you liked the chapter. Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Kyra Invictus Black: Thank you for the suggestion! And thank you for reviewing!  
  
Mab: You fell off your bed? LOL! I'm sorry...Um, get a tight grip on the edge of your bed or something before you read the first couple of pages of this chapter. :)  
  
PotionsGoddess: I wasn't planning on making this a Hermione/Snape story when I started it, but there are many people who want it to be. So what I was thinking what I would do is write two endings; the original ending I was planning on and an alternate one in which they do wind up together. What do you think? Snape is being mean to the trio because he isn't going to let them (a bunch of kids) make a fool out of him. Someone once told me in a review that they are glad Snape is having fun with this "revenge" stuff because his life has been very dark and there was never a lot of time for fun. That's the way I see it, too.  
  
Daxi: LOL! Dragqueen is a good guess, but not quite. He...um, he thinks he's a woman. :) And yes, I have thought about making it a romance fic, but I'm still not sure. Just keep encouraging me!  
  
Lahnu: I'm so happy it made your day!  
  
Lissie89: I'm glad you like this story so much! Thank you for that wonderful review!  
  
Lady Shadowlight: I'm so glad it made your day!  
  
LadyFortune: Thank you for the wonderful suggestions!  
  
HIEIhotsause: LOL!  
  
Elza: Wow, I have never gotten such a wonderful review. Thank you so much! And I completely agree with you about Snape enjoying the revenge. He hasn't had many opportunities in his life to be happy, but I think he's sure enjoying himself now! Don't worry, I'm still definitely still thinking about an alternate ending. I'm liking the idea more and more myself. :) Thanks again!  
  
midniteblusoccer: Thank you for the suggestion! I am going to do something to humiliate poor Ron, but I haven't decided what yet...  
  
Sphinxey: I don't know if I'm really a "genius" or not, but thank you for saying so!  
  
I bow down to the best beta in the world: Lissie!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J. K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new?  
  
~PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER~  
  
Snape has not been changed into a dragqueen. He has a women's personality. In other words, he actually thinks he's a woman!  
  
********  
  
Chapter Nine - 'Phase Six' continued  
  
THUD! The only sound that could be heard in the Great Hall was that of Hermione hitting the floor. No one seemed to notice, however; not even Harry and Ron. They were too busy staring at their handiwork, who seemed to be the only one who had heard the noise Hermione had made. He stopped posing for the Great Hall suddenly, got a worried look on his face, and clip-clopped in his high-heels from the Great Hall doors to where Hermione (A/N: Remember! In Harry's body!) sat on the floor, legs still on the bench, fingers splayed at her sides.  
  
"Oh dear," Snape said, with a huskiness Hermione had never noticed before. She guessed that it was supposed to sound sultry and sexy, in a sense, but it wasn't working. "That was quite a nasty fall," he continued, offering his hand to Hermione. "Are you okay, dear?" All Hermione could do in response was make a noise in her throat before taking the offered hand and getting her legs back under her to stand.  
  
"There you go," said Snape, patting Hermione on the head before continuing on to the Head Table, swinging his hips as he walked. Hermione's mouth fell open as she sat down again on the bench next to Ron. The entire Great Hall was watching Snape's every move as he walked up the three steps and along the Head Table toward Dumbledore.  
  
"Albus Dumbledore," Snape purred once he reached the Headmaster. Dumbledore's mouth was in the shape of a small "O", and his eyes looked owlish behind his glasses. He looked Snape head-to-toe before the look of shock disappeared and he cleared his throat to speak.  
  
"Please," he said, looking out into the sea of staring eyes, "continue on with your meal. Breakfast is very important, you know." He gave an uncomfortable chuckle before sliding his seat back and standing up. Dumbledore looked at the students again.  
  
"Go on," he repeated when no one moved. They did this time, slowly at first but laughter and surprised chit-chat soon filled the Great Hall with noise. The professors, however, were all still frozen with shock as they continued to stare at Snape.  
  
"Severus," Dumbledore said, lowering his voice considerably, "come with me, please." Dumbledore took Snape by the elbow and led him through a hidden door behind the Head Table.  
  
"Where are we going?" whispered Snape.  
  
"To my office," answered the Headmaster.  
  
"I didn't know this door led to your office."  
  
"It leads wherever you want it to lead."  
  
"Then why are we going to your office? Why don't we go someplace a bit more cozy?" Dumbledore stopped in his tracks and looked at Snape, eyebrows raised. "Oh Dumbledore!" Snape exclaimed, resting his hands on the Headmaster's chest. "Don't play coy with me! You and I both know that there has been something going on between us for months, you sly devil you." Snape wagged his finger at Dumbledore's nose.  
  
"What?" whispered Dumbledore, taken aback.  
  
"I'm just saying that I think we should go someplace a bit more comfortable..." Snape leaned slightly toward the other man. Dumbledore regained his composure finally. With the back of his head pressed against the wall behind him, Dumbledore reached up and gingerly took Snape's hands off of his chest.  
  
He was very calm as he said, "Why don't we continue this conversation in my office?" Without waiting for a reply, he took Snape by the elbow again and continued to steer him in the direction of the door at the end of the corridor. Snape protested a little more, but Dumbledore kept his grip firm. As promised, the Headmaster's office opened up before them at the end of the corridor. His office was always warm and inviting, but Dumbledore was too distracted to pay any attention. He sat Snape (whose hat wobbled dangerously from all the movement) down in an overstuffed chair in front of his desk before conjuring up a pot of tea, cups, and some lemon tarts.  
  
"Tea, Severus?" Dumbledore asked in a slightly high voice. Snape shifted in his seat before crossing one hairy (and highly visible) leg over the other.  
  
"Yes please," he purred. Now that Dumbledore was over the shock of seeing Snape for the first time, he looked the Potion's Master over a bit more closely as he handed Snape a cup. His appearance, although disturbing in many ways, was actually quite amusing. Dumbledore knew for a fact (A/N: Dumbledore knows everything; except, of course, who is responsible for Snape's sudden change.) that Severus did not dress that way in private. So, there was some other explanation. But what was it? As Dumbledore was walking back to his desk, he glanced at Fawkes. The beautiful phoenix usually remained calm and completely unflappable in any given situation. Snape's appearance, however, obviously disturbed the bird. He was absolutely still on his perch, staring at Snape with wide eyes. Dumbledore finally smiled about the situation.  
  
"So," he said, sitting down. He didn't say anything while Snape removed his hat. His hair had been teased to twice its normal size, framing his face like a lion's mane. "This is...an interesting change, Severus."  
  
"Oh, I'm so glad you like my new hairdo," he said, fluffing it up on either side of his face. Their chit-chat preceded in this manner for more than an hour, with Dumbledore asking questions and receiving very feminine answers from Snape. By the end of their discussion, Dumbledore had come to the conclusion that Snape was the victim of a string of practical jokes. His personality had been completely altered; he was bright and happy, and he smiled and laughed at every funny thing Dumbledore said. He also now, very obviously, had a woman's personality. And he was actually being nice; not something one experienced very often from Severus Snape. Dumbledore, however, decided that despite these changes, there was no reason Severus shouldn't continue to teach his classes.  
  
He even told Snape so, and the response he got was, "Why Albus! Why would I not teach my classes? It's not like I'm completely different, you know." Snape chuckled at his own statement before standing up. Dumbledore tired very hard to not laugh out loud as he stood to escort Snape from the room. "That was such a wonderful chat! We must do it again sometime. But for now, I have a class to teach in five minutes." Severus was beginning to lean in to kiss Dumbledore's cheek, but the Headmaster quickly took Snape's hand and kissed the back of it.  
  
"Yes, we must," he said, releasing Snape's hand. Severus smiled sweetly at the Headmaster before exiting his office and closing the door behind him. Dumbledore stared at the door, feeling extremely surreal. After a moment or two, he turned and walked to his desk. He laid a couple of fingers on the old wood, as if assuring himself that it wasn't a dream. He released the desk and walked to Fawkes. He patted the phoenix lightly on the head before facing the door once more. Suddenly, the image of Snape standing in the doorway of the Great Hall, chin thrust into the air, one leg exposed to the knee, large purple hat covered in flowers, rushed back into Dumbledore's mind, and the Headmaster began to laugh.  
  
Dumbledore was still laughing several minutes later, sitting on the edge of his desk with tears running down his face. Once he had calmed down slightly, he looked at Fawkes. The poor phoenix was staring at Dumbledore the same way he had been staring at Snape the first time he had come into the office. Dumbledore smiled apologetically at the bird. He would have begun laughing again if he hadn't been already gasping for breath. 'Whoever did that to Severus,' thought Dumbledore, removing his glasses to wipe his eyes, 'is very, very brave, because once that spell wears off, he is going to be very, very mad.' ~ Snape's classes changed dramatically over the next couple of days. He encouraged the students to laugh, talk, and help each other with their potions. And speaking of potions, the kind of potions they were assigned changed, too. On Monday, they made one that would conceal gray hairs, and Tuesday's assignment had been to make your own shades of fingernail polish, even for the boys. Snape would walk around the room while they were working and start up a conversation with each of them in turn. He also made jokes and offered constructive criticism. When he wasn't doing that, he was sitting behind his desk filing his long red nails. Draco Malfoy had a hard time keeping his jaw from hitting the floor whenever Snape would laugh in a high-pitched squeak at someone's joke. The most disturbing thing of all was that Snape would flirt with Dumbledore, whether it was during a meal or a chance meeting in a corridor. The rest of the professors thought this was hilarious, and even Dumbledore's eyes would twinkle in amusement. The one professor who had a hard time finding humor in the situation was McGonagall. She would watch Snape constantly during meals, mouth slightly open. Her shock over the whole situation disappeared completely when Snape stuck his tongue out at her during breakfast Tuesday morning. Everyone half expected to see steam coming out of her ears after that.  
  
The trio thought all of this was extremely amusing, but two out of the three were having their own problems with being in each other's bodies. Hermione was highly embarrassed that Ron refused to answer a single question during classes, and she was getting sick and tired of all the attention she got being Harry. She could hardly walk five feet without drawing hundreds of pairs of eyes from younger students. Ron complained constantly of not getting enough sleep because the other girls in the dorm wouldn't stop talking and giggling. Harry, however, appeared to have no problems being Ron. The main reason was that he didn't have eyes always watching him, and that was a feeling he hadn't had in quite a while. Everything got worse for Hermione when Harry gave her some extremely disturbing news Wednesday morning before breakfast.  
  
"What? There's going to be a Quidditch Match on Friday? This Friday?" she asked, staring wide-eyed at Harry.  
  
"Yes. Uh...Did you not remember that, Harry?" he asked, looking pointedly at a couple of second year Ravenclaws who had turned around at the mention of Harry's name. Hermione saw them and was quiet. She started again, however, once they were seated in the Great Hall.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked Harry. "If I had been given a little more warning, I would be more prepared for it."  
  
"I'm sorry, Hermione," said Harry, reaching for a biscuit. "I've been a little preoccupied lately."  
  
"Well so am I, Harry," she huffed, "and I don't have time to worry about Quidditch." Harry and Ron looked at her quickly.  
  
"You don't have much choice, Hermione," said Ron. "I mean, unless you break a bone or something within the next couple of days."  
  
"I haven't had any practice being a Seeker," she whispered shrilly. Harry was just about to say something when the Great Hall doors opened. Everyone turned to look, fully expecting to see Snape in another outlandish outfit and smiling sweetly (it had become apparent in the last couple of days that Snape enjoyed making a late entrance). What they did see, however, came as a bit of a surprise. It was Snape standing in the doorway, but it was the old Snape. His hair was once again greasy and hanging limply around his shoulders; he was wearing his usual black billowy robe, and there wasn't a spot of makeup on his face, not even to cover the bags under his eyes. His pose, however, wasn't his usual no-nonsense stance. Instead of standing tall, hair out of his face, hands clasped tightly behind his back, Severus Snape was hunched over slightly, hands balled into fists at his sides, and his hair hung in his face, hiding most of his eyes. It was the angriest Harry thought he had ever seen Snape. Apparently, the entire Great Hall agreed; no one said a word. Snape looked from table to table, staring hard at each cluster of students. He had just directed his gaze toward the Head Table when Dumbledore stood.  
  
"Severus," he said cheerfully, obviously happy to see the Potion's Master back to normal, "nice to have you back. Please, join us." With that, he motioned toward Snape's usual seat and sat back down in his own. Everyone in the Great Hall held their breath, waiting for Snape's reaction. Slowly, Snape walked across the Great Hall and to the Head Table. He didn't look at anyone along the way. Once he was seated, everyone else went back to their breakfast but continued to watch Snape. Harry noticed that Snape didn't touch a thing during breakfast nor did he speak to any of his colleges. He just stared at the trio the whole time, and it was making them more than a little nervous. As soon as breakfast was over, they grabbed their bags and ran out of the Great Hall quickly. They had just reached the stairs when they heard a sound that stopped them in their tracks.  
  
"You three, come with me," said Snape striding past them. Feeling the bottoms fall out of their stomachs, they turned and followed Snape in the direction of the Potion's classroom.  
  
"Why is he back to normal so soon?" whispered Hermione as quietly as possible.  
  
"I guess the spell wasn't as strong as I thought," whispered Harry while Ron shrugged his shoulders. Snape didn't seem to notice their quiet conversing as he walked quickly through the dungeons. He shoved the classroom door open and walked to his desk. He had just sat down when Hermione, Harry, and Ron walked in. Snape used his wand to close the door and to conjure three chairs directly in front of his desk. The trio sat, watching Snape anxiously.  
  
"So," he said, looking at each one in turn, "have you three been enjoying the little show you caused the last couple of days?" All three furrowed their brows in confusion.  
  
"How did you know about that?" asked Harry (in Ron's body).  
  
"Well Mr. Potter, I wouldn't have known anything about it if I hadn't met Sir Nicholas by chance this morning. He said something about how good it was to see me back to normal, right before he made some comment about my fingernail polish not matching my outfit on Tuesday. Naturally, I was confused, so I asked him..." The trio, however, didn't pay any attention to the rest of his words. They were all stuck on something he had said in his first sentence.  
  
' "Mr. Potter"?' thought Hermione. 'How had he known that it was Harry?' She suddenly realized that Snape was still talking and refocused on his words immediately.  
  
"...and I thought that he had to be joking. So I look down and sure enough- " Snape held up his hands "-red fingernail polish. Unfortunately, I didn't have the pleasure of hearing the rest of his story because of the pounding in my head." He smiled in a sarcastic manner at them.  
  
"Excuse me, sir," said Hermione, "but I believe you called Ron "Mr. Potter" at the beginning of your story."  
  
"Miss Granger, are you getting your friends confused already? That- " he said, pointing to Ron, "-is Mr. Potter, and that -" he said, pointing at Hermione, "-is Mr. Weasley. I managed to keep them straight..." He looked back at Hermione, grinning slightly.  
  
"So the spell you cast wasn't random! You purposely put us in these specific bodies," Hermione said, leaning forward in her seat. "Why?" Snape shrugged at her question.  
  
"Much more amusing this way," he said. They were all quiet for a minute before Ron spoke up.  
  
"So...are we getting detention or something?"  
  
"Not this time, Mr. Weasley. What gave you that idea?"  
  
"Well," Harry said, "you did bring us here for a reason, right?"  
  
"Of course! I wanted you three to realize that I am perfectly aware of your last little prank and that I am, at this very moment, working on something...very special." He grinned evilly at Hermione. Both she and Harry sat straight up in their chairs at the look on his face.  
  
"Professor!" protested Harry. "I'm the one you got you with the spell! Whatever it is you're going to do, do it to me."  
  
"Oh, but I am, Mr. Potter," said Snape. Harry and Hermione looked at him, confused.  
  
"That's what makes this situation so perfect, you see. Everyone will see you, Mr. Potter, and it will be you who has to suffer the consequences, but it will be Miss Granger's mind. She will experience it and be perfectly aware of what is going on, but she will have no way to stop it. Two for the price of one." Snape curled his lip at their appalled expressions.  
  
"Now, I believe it is time for you to return to your class." He stood and used his wand to open the door. The trio gathered their stuff and started out of the classroom.  
  
"Oh, Miss Granger," Snape called just as Hermione reached the doorway. "Good luck on Friday." Hermione's eyes widened as she looked at Snape, trying to read his face. His features were virtually unreadable, but his eyes glinted challengingly. Hermione couldn't respond at all, so she closed the door without a word. She told Harry and Ron about it as they were leaving the dungeons.  
  
"Good luck? Good luck for what?" asked Ron. Hermione only shrugged.  
  
"Well," said Harry, "he could mean good luck for either the Quidditch match or for whatever it is he's planning."  
  
"I know," said Hermione, "and both of those possibilities are beginning to scare me." ~  
  
"Harry," whispered Hermione, "I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"But Hermione," said Harry, taking his broom off of his shoulder, "you did...great when we practiced last night." Hermione knew that that was a lie. She had been so shaky that it was a miracle she had stayed on Harry's broom. Nevertheless, she felt a surge of gratitude toward Harry for trying to make her feel better. Oh, she had done fine Wednesday when they had gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to practice at the Quidditch Pitch. By the light of their wands, Hermione had caught the Snitch within thirty minutes every time. But that had been Wednesday night. It had felt like she had an eternity to practice before she would actually have to play. Thursday night, however, her nerves had caught up with her. She had caught the Snitch only once, even though they had practiced late into the night. Hermione, however, was too wound up to be tired. She smiled slightly at Harry.  
  
"Thanks," she said. Harry smiled reassuringly at her. Then the Gryffindor team left the locker room and walked out onto the pitch. Hermione had never before been on the field when the stands were full. The roaring of the crowd was almost deafening at times, but the pounding of Hermione's heart seemed louder to her. The Slytherin team had just walked out of their own locker room across the field from the Gryffindors. Hermione kept her gaze on Draco Malfoy (the captain) because she was sure she would get nauseous if she looked at the crowd.  
  
"Alright, shake hands captains," said Madam Hooch when the teams met in the center of the field. Hermione and Malfoy stepped forward. She tried to keep her face passive as she offered her hand.  
  
"Okay, into the air," said Madam Hooch, releasing the two Bludgers and picking up the Quaffle. Once the players were in position, a whistle was blown somewhere and the Quaffle was thrown into the air. Hermione immediately flew high into the air to keep a better watch on the action below. Harry's broom was the newest model (WindRacer 3500) and it seemed as if it could read Hermione's mind; she felt like she was floating on air instead of riding a broom. Even though Malfoy's broom wasn't as new as the one Hermione was riding, he didn't seem too worried about it as he followed Hermione into the air and stopped barely fifteen feet from where she was hovering. She sneered at him.  
  
"Still can't find the Snitch on your own, Malfoy?"  
  
"Shut it, Potter," he responded, watching who he thought was Harry closely. Hermione turned away from him and watched as the real Harry protected the three goals exceptionally well. In fact, Slytherin hadn't scored at all while Gryffindor was already up by thirty points. The Beaters from the Slytherin team were repeatedly hitting the bludgers toward Harry, trying to knock him off his broom. They never managed to actually hit him, but he had to duck once at the last second, leaving the far right goal unprotected long enough for Slytherin to score. Suddenly, Malfoy took off in the opposite direction. He was lying as close to his broom as possible, barreling toward the other end of the pitch. A murmur of excitement rose from the crowd, but Hermione didn't move. She watched as Malfoy slowed down to turn at the at the end of the field. Malfoy sat back a little on his broom as he continued to glide along the other side of the field. He stopped when he was directly across from Hermione. They sat there glaring at each other. Hermione hadn't chased Malfoy because Harry had warned her that he would probably try something like that. Breaking eye contact, Hermione shot even higher into the air. She was several feet above the stands and was able to see every inch of the Quidditch Pitch. It was a truly breathtaking sight. The score was announced, and Gryffindor was still ahead but Slytherin was quickly catching up. Hermione began looking for the Snitch. Forty minutes later, she was feeling very frustrated. There was no sign of the Snitch. Hermione could tell that Malfoy was feeling the same way. He moved restlessly from one end of the field to the other. Hermione stopped traveling like Malfoy and hovered near the Gryffindor goal posts instead. Hermione watched as Harry used the end of Ron's broom to knock the Quaffle away from the middle post. He saw Hermione watching him, and he smiled at her. He looked tired from guarding the posts for over an hour, but he also looked like he was having fun.  
  
Suddenly, Harry got a very strange look on his face. He looked from the field to Hermione and back. He pointed to the middle of the field and yelled her name. Hermione followed his gaze. What she saw nearly stopped her heart. Malfoy was lying low on his broom again, a look of upmost concentration on his face. Then Hermione saw the glint of gold in the middle of the field. It was the Snitch! Hermione molded herself to the broom handle and took off like a bullet. Malfoy had a major head start, but maybe, just maybe, she could beat him to it. The next few seconds seemed to pass in slow motion. Hermione stretched out her hand as much as possible just as Malfoy did the same. The speed of the broom had mostly made up for lost time, but Hermione was afraid it wouldn't be enough.  
  
'Almost,' she thought, stretching out her fingers a little more. 'Almost...'  
  
Meanwhile, in the kitchens, a man with a hooked nose took a vial of bright blue liquid from his black robes and walked toward the Gryffindor table...  
  
~  
  
"Hermione, you have to eat something," said Harry, shaking Hermione's arm.  
  
"I'm not hungry," she said quietly.  
  
"It's not the end of the world, you know," continued Harry.  
  
"Yeah," agreed Ron, "we lost by only twenty-five points. And then you accidently hit Malfoy when you missed the Snitch! His bloody nose more than makes up for it." Harry and Ron looked toward the Slytherin table. Malfoy was there, discussing Slytherin's victory very loudly.  
  
"Stupid Potter can't see straight," Malfoy said, grinning at what he thought was Harry's slumped over form. Ron and the real Harry glared at him.  
  
"Ignore him," said Ron. "He has no business calling anyone "stupid" anyway." Hermione lifted her head slightly and smiled at Ron.  
  
"Are you sure you're not mad at me?" she asked, looking from Ron to Harry.  
  
"Of course not, Hermione!" exclaimed Harry. "Besides, even if we were, it disappeared completely when we saw your hand connect with Malfoy's nose." Ron nodded in agreement.  
  
"Thanks," she whispered.  
  
"You can thank us," said Ron, grabbing a basket of rolls, "by eating something." He offered the basket to her, and she took one. Her appetite finally came back to her, and she ate her fill of chicken, rolls, and potatoes.  
  
"I'm glad you're feeling better," said Harry, watching her drink deeply from her cup. She set it back down and nodded at him. A piece of a roll was on its way to her mouth when she got a strange look on her face. Her eyes widened and her features stilled. She set the roll back onto her plate and stood up.  
  
"Hermione?" whispered Harry and Ron together. She didn't seem to hear them, though. She just stood next to the table, not really looking at anything. A thought hit Harry and he looked at the Head Table. Snape was watching Hermione closely, a smile on his face. Harry looked back at Hermione, feeling slightly frightened. Harry didn't know what was going to happen, but he knew that it was Snape's revenge.  
  
"Oh no," he whispered. Suddenly, Hermione stepped onto the top of the table. The Great Hall got quiet as everyone caught sight of who they thought was Harry. After a moment, Hermione turned slowly toward the Slytherin table.  
  
"Draco Malfoy!" she shouted.  
  
***********  
  
Please review and let me know what you think! And while you're at it, check out stories by my beta, Lissie89. She is absolutely brilliant! Especially with the one shots she has been writing lately! 


	10. The Secret Lives of Gryffindors

A/N: School starts back on Tuesday, so I won't have as much time to write for a while. I'll still be continuing the story, of course, but I don't know how often I'll be able to update. I have geometry next semester, and I just know that class is going to kill me.  
  
Thanks to ema, ckat44, dav, RivanKnight, Lady Shadowlight, Gryffindor620, La Pamplemousse, crazyone17, Daxi, Summner, HIEIhotsause, Stupid_Girl_of_Cold, Lily of the Shadow, Panther Queen, Professor Farfie, Elza, MedNar, Potter-luvver, LadyFortune, Romm, Tiani Lunaris, AllStarChaser20, Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, Paula, and hyz for the wonderful reviews!  
  
And thanks to Gryffindor620, KDarkMaiden, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco-Malfoy-Severus-luva for reviewing at my author's note and helping me out by giving me wonderful ideas!  
  
~MESSAGES!~  
  
ema: Wow. Thank you for that amazing review! I'm glad you enjoyed chapter nine so much, and I hope chapter ten makes you laugh just as hard! Sev doesn't know about him hitting on Dumbledore, but he does know that he was dressed as a woman. There is no way Snape is going to let the trio get by with that, so of course he has retaliation in mind! Except that this time, he gets back at them individually. ;) I thought hard about what McGonagall's reaction was going to be to Snape hittin' on her Albie, and I was tempted to have her just slap Snape outright for trying to move in on her territory. In the end, though, I figured the way I wound up writing it was best for now. Who knows? In chapters to come Snape may do something like that again, and McGonagall may very well slap him the next time! Can you just imagine the look on Dumbledore's face? :)  
  
dav: No, Snape doesn't have a crush on Dumbledore. At least, as far as I know he doesn't. :) It was just, like you said, the influence of Harry's spell.  
  
RivanKnight: I'm so glad chapter nine made your day! The idea for Snape hitting on Dumbledore honestly hit me at the last second. I hope you enjoy chapter ten as much!  
  
Lady Shadowlight: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! In answer to your question, Snape has switched the minds of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Harry's mind or personality or whatever you want to call it is now in Ron's body, Ron's mind/personality is now in Hermione's body, and Hermione's mind/personality is now in Harry's body. It gets confusing to both write and read, but it's not going to last much longer.  
  
Daxi: Okay, okay! You win! I'm going to write the alternate ending. :) Please, please, no more applause! J/K, LOL!  
  
HIEIhotsause: LOL! Very good guess, but you'll just have to read the chapter to find out. ;)  
  
Stupid_Girl_of_Cold: I'm really glad you like the story!  
  
Panther Queen: LOL! I'm sorry you hit your head. ;) Um, you might want to back away from your computer a few feet before you read the next chapter, then. You know, just in case.  
  
Professor Farfie: At first, I was just going to have Snape's revenge against Harry just involve Draco somehow for a short time and let that be the end of it. But your review got me thinking, and then I wound up plotting and planning. So now Draco is going to be more involved than I ever imagined he'd be, all thanks to your review.  
  
Elza: Wow, another amazing review. You're going to spoil me if you're not careful, Elza. :) I hadn't thought about having to do several alternate chapters before, so I'm glad you pointed it out to me. How about this: Hermione and Snape develop a mutual respect for each other, but neither really wants to admit it. In the end, though, Snape somehow comes to realize that his feelings for Hermione have grown from respect to (do we dare say it?) love. Hehe, I'm glad you liked the "man with a hooked nose" sentence. I wanted something really mysterious-sounding, and that sentence just kind of hit me. I've never read Cluedo. Is it a murder mystery series? And thank you again for your wonderful praise!  
  
MedNar: Nope, you'll just have to read the chapter. :) I don't want to spoil it! But I will say that Draco winds up on the floor. Oh, and I have decided that I am definitely going to write an alternate ending!  
  
Potter-luvver: I've had one heck of a time keeping whose brain/personality in whose body straight while I'm writing, so I know it must be confusing to read. I'm sorry! It's not going to last much longer, though.  
  
LadyFortune: Thank you for the suggestion of a striptease or lapdance! I'm planning on having Snape do something very similar to a striptease in the next chapter. No, I've said to much! Shush, tell no one! ;)  
  
Tiani Lunaris: Thank you for telling me the name of the story! Hehe, I'm sorry you hate cliffies, but how else can I keep you on the edge of your seat? Just thanks for being patient with me!  
  
AllStarChaser20: It's no problem you haven't reviewed in a while. I'm just glad you came back! :) I know for being such a Rickman fan that my actions against Snape are a little odd, but I can't help it! Even though I love Severus Snape dearly, he's just so much fun to torture!  
  
Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape: Thank you again for bouncing around ideas with me!  
  
Paula: Thank you for saying that. I'm so glad you're enjoying it!  
  
hyz: I'm so glad you like the story!  
  
To Gryffindor620, Professor Farfie, HunnySnowBunny, ~ANON~, and Draco- Malfoy-Severus-luva: You all suggested that Ron experience Hermione's period or PMS while he's in her body, so that's exactly what's going to happen. The thought of doing that had crossed my mind, but I was afraid it wouldn't go over well. So thank you all for reviewing and telling me so, because I think that part in the chapter is one of the funnier parts. :)  
  
!TROPIC OF SCORPIO! I'm honored that you mentioned me and this story in your bio. Thank you very much!  
  
I bow down to the best beta in the world: Lissie89! Go check out her stories; they're awesome!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing; J.K. Rowling owns everything. So what's new? I also don't own the "I'm A Little Teapot" song or "Oops! I Did It Again".  
  
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE YOU READ THE CHAPTER! I know it's long, but some of it's important...I think.  
  
I had several people suggest that Ron experience menstruation or at least PMS while he's in Hermione's body, so I hope I wrote it with enough humor that it doesn't come across in bad taste. Even though what we females go through on a monthly basis is anything but humorous in my opinion, I tired to make it funny.  
  
Oh, there's also singing in this chapter. I wasn't really sure how to write that, so I wrote it as sentences. If anybody knows of a better way to write singing, please let me know!  
  
The first part of this chapter is in Draco's POV, so I refer to the trio as he sees them. I have their names in '', but don't forget whose brain is in whose body! :)  
  
HG/SS shippers: I have an important announcement: *clears throat* I have decided that I AM going to write an alternate ending! Yaaa! But even before that, Severus and Hermione are going to develop a mutual respect for each other. Starting...now.  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, who gave me several wonderful ideas for this chapter and the next and even let me work out some of my own. Thank you!  
  
Okay, on to the story...  
  
**********  
  
Chapter Ten - 'Phase Six' continued - plotting for 'Phase Seven'  
  
Draco Malfoy, who had been greedily stuffing his face at the Slytherin table, stopped eating and stared at who everyone thought was Harry.  
  
'What does he want?' Draco wondered. He narrowed his eyes at 'Harry' but didn't respond. Suddenly, 'Harry' got a very dreamy look on his face.  
  
"Oh, Draco," he said, "when you look at me that way, my knees go weak." 'Harry' put his hands over his heart and continued to look intently at Draco. "You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?" 'Harry' threw his hands out to his sides and looked around the Great Hall. "I bet no one here knew that whenever I catch even the slightest glimpse of that gorgeous and very sexy-" 'Harry' threw a wink in Malfoy's direction "-blonde Slytherin, that my heart speeds up and beats ten times faster than normal.  
  
"My precious," 'Harry' said, turning back around to face the ashen-faced Malfoy, "I've been in love with you since the day we met." At this very blunt statement, Draco spit his partially-chewed food four feet across the Great Hall. At the same time, 'Ron Weasley' fell backward off his seat and landed very painfully on the Great Hall floor. He stared up at 'Harry' with his mouth open. No one else in the Great Hall made a sound. If, however, someone had looked at the Head Table, they would have seen Professor Severus Snape leaning precariously forward in his seat with his chin in his palm and a big smile on his face. No one was paying the Potions Master any attention, though, because the scene unfolding before them was much more interesting. 'Harry Potter' was slowly making his way down the Gryffindor table, hands still thrown out at his sides, and his eyes never left the face of Draco.  
  
And speaking of the blonde Slytherin, he seemed to have frozen in place. His mouth was hanging open in shock, and he was slumped over slightly. He was watching 'Harry' with wide, surprised eyes but seemed unable to respond to the declarations.  
  
"Draco, my love," 'Harry' said, finally stepping down from the Gryffindor House Table and starting toward the Slytherins, "won't you say anything? I know you return my feelings, and now is our time to tell the world how much in love we are!" 'Harry' spun in a circle to include the entire Great Hall as he shouted the last couple of words of that sentence. Snape began to discreetly laugh behind his hand as Crabbe and Goyle looked from 'Harry' to Draco and back with wide eyes. They then watched the leader of their group for some kind of cue as to what they should do about 'Harry', but Draco didn't seem to know that they even existed. Suddenly, 'Harry' rushed toward the Slytherin table and jumped on top of it. Everyone gasped, and Draco had to grab the edge of the table to keep from falling backward, but other than Malfoy no one moved. The Slytherins sitting next to Draco had to duck, however, when 'Harry' kicked Draco's plate out of the way. He sat down and grasped Draco's head in his hands. Malfoy stared at Harry in shock and horror as 'Harry' leaned close to him.  
  
"That's okay, my sweet," he whispered. "You don't have to say anything. I know what your feelings for me are. You're as much in love with me as I am with you." 'Harry' was in the process of leaning toward Draco again when he was grabbed roughly from behind and dragged across the table, across the Great Hall, and out the door. Everyone stared in silence at the door as they listened to 'Harry's' fading shouts of, "Let me go!" Once 'Harry' could no longer be heard, the entire Great Hall began talking at once.  
  
"Oh my God!"  
  
"Can you believe that?"  
  
"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy? Together? But they hate each other!"  
  
"Oh, that was just wrong!"  
  
Draco heard none of this. His mouth was still hanging open slightly as he stared straight ahead at nothing. When other students began to laugh, Draco passed out and slid from his seat to the floor.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Hermione!" the real Harry shouted as he and Ron dragged Hermione into an empty classroom and set her on one of the desks. Hermione, however, would not be stopped.  
  
She kept struggling and shouting, "Let me go back to Draco!"  
  
"Hermione, please snap out of this," Ron said as he and Harry held tightly onto her hands. Harry suddenly jumped in front of Hermione and grabbed her shoulders.  
  
He shook her as he said, "Hermione, I have just been made a fool of in front of the entire school over something that you started in the first place. If you don't quit struggling this very second then so help me God I will slap you." Hermione quit fighting to get away, and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. Harry released her and took a step back.  
  
"I want to go back to Draco," she said, pouting.  
  
"Tough luck," said Harry, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair.  
  
"Harry, I..." Ron started but then hesitated. Harry looked at him. "I can't believe Snape did that. That was horrible."  
  
"Well," Harry said, staring at the wall across the room, "it's Snape. What else can you expect?" Hermione suddenly launched herself at Harry and caught him around his neck. Harry thought she was attacking him, but as he made to hit her he realized that she was hugging him.  
  
"Oh Harry," she sobbed, "I couldn't stop it. I tried, but it was like I didn't have control of my actions anymore. I'm so sorry, Harry. I tired, I promise I tried." Hermione hugged him a little tighter as she waited for his response.  
  
"It's okay, Hermione," Harry said. Hermione released him and stepped back.  
  
"Harry, I tired so hard to stop it." Hermione looked near tears.  
  
"I know you did, and there's nothing any of us could have done to stop it. What's done is done. I hope Snape enjoyed that," Harry said with a good bit of venom in his voice.  
  
"Oh, but I did, Mr. Potter," came the silky voice from the doorway. "But I don't think Mr. Malfoy enjoyed it nearly as much. He's just been taken to the infirmary." The trio turned slowly around to face Snape, and they all looked at him with pure hate. Snape, however, was grinning at them in an extremely amused manner.  
  
"You..." whispered Harry as his hands curled into fists at his sides. Snape raised an eyebrow at him and replaced the amused smile with a challenging smirk.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at Snape while his fists shook with suppressed anger. Snape smiled at him again. "An eye for an eye," he whispered, "but don't begin to think that this makes us even. One down and two to go." The trio exchanged worried looks.  
  
"What?" Hermione and Ron whispered.  
  
"I thought you were just coming after me," Harry said, stepping forward.  
  
"Well," Snape said, clasping his hands together, "that was my original plan, yes, but I just enjoyed that so much that I'm going to...oh, you don't have to worry about that. All you have to know is-" he looked at Ron "-your, shall we say humiliation is next, Mr. Weasley." Both boys' eyes widened.  
  
"And I guess I'm after Ron," Hermione whispered, crestfallen. Snape nodded. Everyone remained quiet for a moment while the trio digested this news.  
  
"Well," Snape said, starting toward the door, "I have a class to teach. I hope you three are looking forward to the next few days as much as I am." Snape smiled at them once more before he walked out of the classroom and closed the door behind him.  
  
~  
  
The next two days were rough for Ron because he couldn't stop worrying about what was going to happen. They were even worse for Hermione, though. Friday night, it took two hours of talking for her to convince Neville, Seamus, and Dean that what she did was the result of a dare and that 'Harry' was not in love with one Draco Malfoy. Even though they all said they believed her at the end of the two hours, she still heard them casting wards around their beds before they went to sleep.  
  
The next day there were whispers and stares in the corridors, and the smirks and outlandish comments started during classes on Monday. The worst of it came from the Slytherins. They backed off, though, when someone wrote "Harry + Draco Forever" over the Great Hall doors, and they realized that their precious Draco didn't find any of it amusing. The one good thing that came out of all of this was that Draco was avoiding Hermione at all costs. He wouldn't look at her if they passed in a corridor, and he made sure that someone very large was sitting across from him at all meals. But whether they were supposed to block 'Harry' from Draco's view or act as bodyguard should 'Harry' decide to rush Draco again, Hermione didn't know and she didn't care.  
  
The next day dawned bright and sunny, but the moods of Harry, Ron, and Hermione were anything but bright. Harry and Ron didn't eat breakfast at all, and Hermione only picked at her plate. Their moods didn't improve as the day wore on, either. None of them could concentrate during class, and for the first time ever Hermione wasn't quietly encouraging Ron to answer questions.  
  
"I'm ready for this day to be over," Ron moaned as they took their seats for dinner.  
  
"Yeah, me too," agreed Harry. He had just reached for a basket of rolls when Hermione grabbed his hand.  
  
"I'm not so sure eating is a good idea, Harry," Hermione said, nodding toward Snape. The other two looked at him, and Snape quickly looked away. "I bet he's put something your food. That's how he got me on Friday."  
  
"But I ate last night," said Harry.  
  
"I know, but Snape wasn't watching us at dinner last night." Harry looked very put out about the whole situation. "Look, you can either go ahead and eat and be performing a strip tease for the entire school in about five minutes, or you can wait and sneak down to the kitchens later tonight," Hermione said, still holding onto his wrist. Ron looked at Harry pleadingly at the mention of the possibility of a strip tease.  
  
"Okay," Harry said, standing up. "But I'm not passing up this." Harry grabbed his glass and gulped down the rich, smooth, chocolate drink that got served only every so often. Hermione looked at Harry with disapproval while Ron watched in horror.  
  
"There won't be any left later," he said, defending his actions as he set the cup back on the table. "And besides, if he did put something in my food or drink and somehow I didn't get it, you know it would just make him really mad and possibly make what he's going to do that much worse."  
  
"Yes," Hermione ground out between her teeth, "I realize this, and that's the only reason Ron and I aren't pounding you into the ground right now." Harry threw his bag over his shoulder, winked at them, and walked out the Great Hall doors.  
  
"Hermione," Ron whispered fearfully, "do you think that Snape put something in the drink?" Hermione sighed.  
  
"Honestly, Ron, I think he did." Ron didn't say anything. He only pushed his plate away and laid his head on the table. Hermione laid her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"If it makes you feel any better, I really can't think of anything worse than what happened Friday."  
  
"Really?" Ron asked, lifting his head up. Hermione nodded and this cheered Ron up a little. He pulled his plate back to him and continued eating. About five minutes later, the Great Hall doors burst open. Murmurs, shouts, and whistles immediately rose from the students, and Hermione and Ron mentally braced themselves before they turned to look.  
  
Both of their mouths fell open.  
  
Standing in the doorway was Harry, but to everyone else it was Ron Weasley. He was dressed in a skin-tight pink leotard, a fluffy pink tutu, pink ballet shoes, and a silver tiara. His hands were clasped above his head, and he was standing on his tip-toes.  
  
"Oh," he said, as if preparing to sing. Suddenly, Harry (in Ron's body) began twirling in place. "I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout." Harry stopped twirling and put one hand on his hip and held his other arm straight out. "When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Just tip me over and pour me out." Harry leaned toward the side that was the spout. A round of applause began the moment Harry stopped singing. He bowed deeply at the waist and continued dancing around the room. He spun several times and even did a split in the air. He received many whistles for that; the loudest of which came from Severus Snape. As Harry was making his way toward the Head Table, the real Ron Weasley was slowly sinking to the floor of the Great Hall. In fact, if anyone had looked, all they would have been able to see of 'Hermione Granger' was her forehead, and it would have been blood red. Harry finally came to a stop in front of the room, and he turned to face the sea of students. He put his handle and spout in their correct places before he continued singing.  
  
"I'm a clever teapot, yes it's true. Here's an example of what I can do. I can change my handle to my spout." Harry switched his arms and leaned toward the side that was now the spout. Somewhere in the crowd, a camera shutter clicked quietly and went unnoticed. "Just tip me over and pour me out." Another round of clapping began at the completion of his performance. Harry bowed deeply again, and many students began to rise, giving Harry a standing ovation. Suddenly, Harry lifted his head slowly up. The whistles and shouts started up again as Harry ran as fast as he could from the Great Hall.  
  
"Come on," Hermione said, grabbing Ron's shoulder. The entire student body was rolling on the floor in laughter. Hermione glanced at Ron as they stepped over various people. Ron looked ready to kill someone.  
  
"Now, now," said Dumbledore, standing up, "let's try to calm down, everyone." He put his hand over the stitch he had gotten in his side from laughing so hard. "We must remember to thank Mr. Weasley later for providing that amusing entertainment and for making all of us smile." Ron balled his hands into fists and ran through the doors, across the Entrance Hall, and up the Grand Staircase.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione whispered shrilly. She looked around quickly to make sure Harry hadn't darted into a nearby classroom before she followed Ron's path. It led her to the boys' dorm in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ron was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, and Harry (back in normal dress) was sitting across from him on his own trunk.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ron," said Harry. "There was nothing I could do."  
  
"Where did the...outfit come from?" asked Ron, not lifting his head.  
  
"The clothes were on the bed when I got up here," said Harry, rubbing his hands together absentmindedly. "Next thing I knew, I was changing into them, and I couldn't stop myself. I've thrown them out already."  
  
"Oh, Ron," said Hermione, rushing to sit next to him. She couldn't think of anything to say, so she patted his shoulder comfortingly.  
  
"Snape," hissed Ron. Hermione and Harry remained quiet.  
  
After a moment, Ron lifted his head and asked, "What are we going to do to get back at him?" Hermione looked at Ron, surprised.  
  
"But I thought...You mean you actually want to keep going with this?" she asked.  
  
"Oh yes," said Ron, standing up. He began to pace the room. "We can't let him get away with this. We have to do something to get back at him. I don't know what but something."  
  
"Our lists are in the Room of Requirement," said Hermione as she and Harry stood. "And we'd have less of a chance of being overheard there."  
  
"Well," said Ron, starting down the stairs leading from the boys' dorm, "let's go, then." Ron led the trio through the Common Room and out the portrait hole. They had just turned in the direction of the Room of Requirement when someone began to clap. All three knew who it was before they even turned around.  
  
"Bravo, Mr. Potter, bravo. I think I enjoyed that even more than Miss Granger's...announcement." Snape stopped clapping and instead clasped his hands together. "Especially when you did that marvelous split in the air." He looked from Harry to Ron. The latter was glowering at him furiously. "Did you not enjoy it, Mr. Weasley? Pity. But I'm sure you'll find much more amusement in Miss Granger's humiliation, even though you'll be experiencing it." With this statement, he looked at Hermione.  
  
"I'm not even going to ask when that's going to happen," said Hermione, "because I know you won't tell us. So what do you want?" Snape raised his eyebrows slightly at the bold tone in her voice, but her tone didn't come as much of a surprise to him as it should have. He was actually beginning to respect her will and determination, however scary that thought was. Snape chuckled before answering.  
  
"Just to tell you that tomorrow it will be your turn, Miss Granger, and skipping meals will do Mr. Weasley no good whatsoever." Hermione widened her eyes at his being so straight forward with her.  
  
"Then how do you expect Ron to drink the potion?" Might as well see how straight forward he's willing to be.  
  
"He's already drunk the potion," he said, then smiled at their confused expressions. "I made that potion a little different than the other two. He ingested it during lunch today, actually, and has got it in his system as we speak, but it won't take affect for another twenty-four hours." Ron looked at Snape in pure horror, and Hermione looked crushed. "Have a nice night," was his parting shot before he left the trio.  
  
"Let's go," Hermione said, leading the rest of the way to the Room of Requirement. As soon as they reached the room, Harry sat down, Hermione began gathering the various lists they had written over the last couple of months, and Ron paced.  
  
"Okay," Hermione said, pulling the lists in front of her as she sat down, "I say we wait for a couple of weeks before we do anything. How about we embarrass the fool out of him the day before everyone goes home for Christmas?"  
  
"That's not good enough," said Ron, pacing around and around the table.  
  
"Well then, Ron," said Hermione with a bit of annoyance, "what would you suggest?"  
  
"Tomorrow, we have to do something tomorrow."  
  
"We can't get anything ready by tomorrow," said Harry, looking a little surprised at Ron.  
  
"Well little miss know-it-all over there," said Ron, stopping in the middle of the floor and pointing toward Hermione, "needs to work a little bit harder on it, doesn't she?" Hermione looked quite taken aback at his tone as Harry shot to his feet.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Ten minutes ago you were all excited and happy that we were even talking about getting back at Snape. Where do you get off yelling at Hermione?" Ron sighed deeply as he sank into the remaining chair.  
  
"I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry, Hermione." He looked at her, and she nodded. "I guess I'm just worried about tomorrow."  
  
"I don't see what you have to worry about," said Harry, taking his seat again. "It will be Hermione who has to suffer the long-term consequences for whatever it is. You know, provided we get back to normal within the next year."  
  
"Maybe after tomorrow," Hermione mused, "Snape will be satisfied with his revenge against us, and we can return to our own bodies." Harry and Ron looked at her.  
  
"You don't think Snape is doing something to make the spell last this long, do you?" asked Harry.  
  
"I don't know, but it is a possibility. I mean, we've been like this for over two weeks."  
  
"That jerk!" Ron yelled, standing suddenly and sending his chair flying backward. Hermione and Harry jumped in surprise. "Oh, I can't believe he's doing stuff to keep us like this." Ron kicked the bottom of his chair angrily and sent it crashing into the wall. "That man is evil. How much lower could he possibly get?"  
  
"Good grief, Ron," said Harry, standing up once more and starting toward Ron. "What is wrong with you tonight? One minute you're happy, the next you're yelling at Hermione, and now you've kicked your chair into the wall."  
  
"Yeah, everything is always my fault, isn't it? You two never screw up, so when something goes wrong, let's everybody blame Ron," said Ron, throwing his hands in the air dramatically.  
  
"Stop it," said Harry, taking hold of Ron's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "I don't know what your problem is but you need to snap out of it." Suddenly, Ron started sobbing. Harry released him and jumped back in shock.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harry," Ron said, wiping at the tears running down his face. He plopped back in his seat and sniffed very loudly. Harry looked at him like he was crazy. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Ron suddenly wailed with despair, and Harry backed into the door. Hermione's eyes widened with understanding as she handed Ron a tissue.  
  
"Ron, listen to me," she said. "Has your stomach felt at all weird the last couple of days?"  
  
"Yeah, a little," he sniffed. "But what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"Um, Harry? Do you think you could give Ron and me a few minutes? We'll make a decision about what we're going to do later." Harry nodded and fled from the room. Hermione looked back at Ron.  
  
"Ron, I'm about to teach you more about the female anatomy than you ever wanted to know."  
  
~  
  
"Hermione, how do you live like this?" Ron whispered as they filed into the Great Hall for dinner the next day. "I've been in pain all day." Hermione had to fight to suppress her smile. Last night had been awkward when she tried to explain all about a woman's, shall we say, menstruation cycle, and what Ron would have to do while he was going through it.  
  
"Oh my God," he had whispered. "And this lasts for maybe two days, right?" Hermione couldn't help but laugh, and it had lightened the mood considerably.  
  
"Didn't you go to the infirmary, like I told you to?" she asked now. "Madam Pomfrey has a potion that helps with the cramps."  
  
"No, I forgot."  
  
"Well," Hermione said, pushing him away from her, "go now, and then you can eat." Hermione smiled as she watched Ron disappear around a corner. She was sure he was going to have a whole new respect for the female race once he was back in his own body. She became slightly worried, however, by the time thirty minutes passed and there was no sign of him.  
  
"Harry, do you think he's alright?"  
  
"I'm sure he's fine, Hermione. He's probably just dawdling."  
  
"But during a meal? That's not like Ron."  
  
"Maybe it's taking Madam Pomfrey a while to find the potion." Suddenly, Hermione looked very scared.  
  
"Harry, Snape's revenge against me; my 'humiliation'. It's supposed to happen during dinner today." Harry and Hermione looked toward Snape. The professor was grinning evilly at them.  
  
"One of these days," Harry said, "I'm going to walk right up to him and wipe that smirk off his face." Hermione continued pushing peas around her plate. She had just started to say something when BANG! The Great Hall doors burst open. Harry and Hermione, like everyone else in the room, looked immediately at the doorway. Hermione dropped her fork and Harry dropped his cup. The first year student he spilled it on, though, didn't even notice. Standing there was Ron, but to everyone else it was Hermione Granger standing in the doorway, with a pose very similar to Snape's when he had showed up dressed as a woman. The outfit Ron was wearing, though, was very different from Snape's  
  
'Hermione Granger' was wearing knee-high socks, a short plaid skirt, a white button up shirt (which had several buttons open, revealing a white undershirt), and her hair had been teased to slightly larger than its normal size. She was also wearing makeup: blush, blue eyeshadow, and rep lipstick. Professor Snape discreetly waved his wand in the air, and music began to play (A/N: I don't know if that's even possible, but let's just go with it).  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," 'Hermione' sang, moving her shoulder up and down with each 'yeah'. 'Hermione' walked toward the Gryffindor table and stepped on top of it. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," she repeated. 'Hermione' began stepping over plates, cups, and different dishes as she sang.  
  
"I think I did it again. I made you believe we're more than just friends." Ron stopped in front of Hermione (to everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Harry). He bent down and rubbed his hand along Hermione's cheek. All the real Hermione could do was stare with large eyes at her own form dancing in front of her. "Oh baby. It might seem like a crush. But it doesn't mean that I'm serious. 'Cause to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Oh baby, baby." Ron stood back up and began dancing around on the table. The male students from each table stood and began whistling.  
  
"Oops! I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game." At this, Ron fell to his knees on the table in front of Seamus. A camera shutter once again clicked unnoticed. "Oh baby, baby. Oops! You think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above." Seamus started to lean toward 'Hermione', but Ron put his hand on his face and pushed him away. "I'm not that innocent." Ron stood back up and danced around on the table some more. Then he started walking toward Harry. He stopped in front of Harry (everyone else: Hermione stopped in front of Ron - A/N: I keep doing that to remind everyone what it looks like to others. I'm sorry if it's annoying, but this can get pretty confusing!) just like he had with Hermione. He bent down and rubbed Harry's cheek.  
  
"You see my problem is this. I'm dreaming away. Wishing that heroes, they truly exist. I cry, watching the days. Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways." Harry seemed to be as dumbstruck as Hermione. He couldn't do anything, either, except sit there while Ron rubbed his cheek. "But to lose all my senses. That is just so typically me. Baby, oh." Ron stood back up and continued down the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he sang. Then he stopped in front of Neville and sat down. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," he repeated. Neville passed out when 'Hermione' started to shimmy in front of him. Ron stood back up and continued on down the table as he sang.  
  
"Oops! I did it again to your heart. Got lost in this game." When Ron reached the end of the table, he jumped off and came to a stop in the middle of the room directly in front of the Head Table. "Oops! You think that I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent." Ron bent one knee, threw his head back, and threw his hands in the air at the end of the song. It was all male students who stood up and applauded, whistled, and shouted. The professors, however, were all sitting stock still in their seats, shocked at 'Hermione Granger's' actions. Professor Snape was a different matter entirely. He was trying hard to hold in his smile as he looked up and down the table at his colleagues' expressions. In his opinion, the looks on their faces weren't nearly as amusing as the look on the real Hermione's face. It could only be described as shocked, appalled, and vengeful all rolled into one. Suddenly, Hermione rushed forward and grabbed Ron by the arm. She began dragging him toward the doors, and Harry fell into step behind them.  
  
"But they love me!" Ron shouted, waving at the clapping crowd as he tried to get out of Hermione's hold. She only tightened her grip on Ron's arm as she and Harry forced him into an empty classroom. Ron continued to dance around the room as he hummed the tune he had just finished singing. Harry continued to watch Ron with wide eyes as Hermione sat down in one of the desks.  
  
"Oh my God," she said, putting her head in her hands, "I'm going to get expelled!"  
  
"Hermione," Harry said, finally looking away from the twirling Ron, "Dumbledore's not going to expel you."  
  
"You saw what just happened! I danced on a table, with my shirt only half way buttoned. I'm not going to be allowed to stay here after that." Harry sat down in the desk next to her.  
  
"If Dumbledore didn't expel me for...what happened, and he didn't expel Ron for being a ballerina, then he's not going to expel you. Seriously, Hermione, you should try not to worry about it."  
  
"That's kind of hard," she grumbled.  
  
"I know, but it gets easier in a couple of days. Trust me on that." Hermione finally smiled.  
  
"Thanks," she said.  
  
"Miss Granger," said Snape from the doorway, "Mr. Potter is correct, you don't have to worry about getting expelled. As he pointed out- " he indicated Harry with his hand "-you didn't get Mr. Potter expelled, and Mr. Potter didn't get Mr. Weasley kicked out of school." Ron just then danced past Snape, apparently listening to music only he could hear. Snape looked at Ron with an amused expression before he returned his gaze to Harry and Hermione.  
  
Hermione had no idea why Snape was trying to reassure her, and even though it did make her feel better, there was no way she was going to let the most hated teacher in all of Hogwarts see that.  
  
"How would you know?" she demanded, challenging him to back up his words. Before Snape could answer, Ron stopped dancing and got this horrified look on his face.  
  
"Merlin," Ron said looking down at himself. Then he caught sight of Hermione and saw the anger glinting in her eyes.  
  
"Hermione," Ron said, taking a step toward her, "I'm sorry. The clothes were on the bed in the girls' dorm. It was the weirdest feeling. I couldn't control anything, and it was like I was in a dream."  
  
"We're all glad to have you back to normal, I'm sure," said Snape sarcastically. Ron jumped in surprise; he hadn't noticed Snape.  
  
"I'll repeat my question, then. How would you know I'm not getting expelled?"  
  
"Expelled?" came a new voice from behind Snape. This time, everyone jumped as Albus Dumbledore emerged from behind Snape. "Why would you think you're getting expelled, Harry?"  
  
"Umm...I meant Hermione," Hermione covered quickly as she nodded toward Ron. "I'm afraid Hermione will get expelled."  
  
"Not today," said Dumbledore, smiling reassuringly at Ron. "But I would like to know what has gotten into you three lately? First you, Harry,-" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at Hermione, "-then Ron,- " his eyes twinkled even brighter at Harry as he tried not to smile, "-and now Hermione."  
  
"They were dares," Harry said immediately. "We were all dared. When we found out what we were supposed to do, though, we wanted to back out. But there really wasn't a graceful way to do so." Hermione and Ron nodded their agreement.  
  
"I see," said Dumbledore, but he looked like he knew something was being left out of their story. However, he didn't push the matter. Instead, he said, "Well, even though these last couple of days have given me the best laugh I've had in years, what do you say to laying off of dares for a little while?" All three nodded together.  
  
"Good, good," he said, turning back to the door, but before he reached it, he turned around to face them once more. "One more question, what are you going to do in retaliation to the people who dared you?" Harry and Ron looked at Snape while Hermione only smiled.  
  
"We haven't decided yet, Professor Dumbledore," she said. Snape raised his eyebrows at the expression on her face.  
  
"I get the feeling that this year is going to be much more interesting than last," he said, nodding his head. "Actually, it already has been." He turned toward Snape. "Well Severus, what do you say we go back to our meal?" Dumbledore put his hand on Snape's shoulder to lead him out. Just before Snape disappeared though the door, he threw one last fleeting glance over his shoulder at the trio and was gone.  
  
"Feel better, Hermione?" Harry asked. Hermione nodded. They were quiet for a moment before Ron spoke up.  
  
"Can we go now, please? I really want to change. This skirt is too short," he said, tugging at the end of the skirt. Hermione and Harry began to laugh.  
  
~  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in much better moods the next day. Hermione was a little steamed that guys kept approaching them to ask for her autograph. Well, actually they were asking Ron. The first time, he had almost said yes to a third year Hufflepuff, but Hermione had kicked him under the table. After that, he would rub his shin as he said, "No, I'm afraid not." It seemed as if what 'Hermione' had done made everyone forget about 'Harry's' and 'Ron's' actions. That's what Harry and Ron thought; at least, up until the time they left breakfast.  
  
"Here, take one," said Crabbe, thrusting a piece of parchment into the hand of a Ravenclaw.  
  
"Have a paper," said Goyle, handing one to a Hufflepuff.  
  
"Come and get it!" said Draco Malfoy from where he, Crabbe, and Goyle were standing at the bottom of the Grand Staircase. They each were holding a small packet of parchment in one hand and handing out the papers to everyone who walked by.  
  
"Potter, Weasley, Granger," said Malfoy, catching sight of the trio, "you three will want to see this." He nodded at Goyle, who was closest to them. Goyle walked to the trio and handed each of them a paper before he returned to his original place. They looked down at the parchment they each held and read in shock. The title was "Exposed: The Secret Lives of Gryffindors", and below that were two pictures. One was of Ron tipping over as the little tea pot, and the other was of Hermione dancing on her knees on the Gryffindor table. The following paragraph read:  
  
"It has long been suspected that Gryffindor House's star pupils Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger are not as angelic as they appear to be. Over the last week, this theory has been proved correct. Starting last Friday, Harry Potter threw himself at the feet of Draco Malfoy,-"  
  
"Threw myself!" exclaimed Harry, "Why I ought to- "  
  
"Just keep reading," interrupted Hermione. Harry grudgingly looked back at the parchment.  
  
"-the most sought-after single at Hogwarts. Potter was naturally crushed when Mr. Malfoy rejected him. Then on the following Monday, Ron Weasley disturbed the last meal of the evening to finally 'come out of his closet,' as it were. He appeared in the Great Hall wearing a pink ballerina outfit (tutu and tiara included) and confirmed many suspicions that he is, in fact, a cross-dresser."  
  
"Cross-dresser!" shouted Ron, causing many people to look at him.  
  
"Quiet!" commanded Hermione. Ron continued reading the parchment.  
  
"But the real shock came the next day. Hermione Granger, some say the smartest student at Hogwarts who can never pass up an opportunity to show how much she knows, intruded upon dinner in much the same fashion as Weasley. Except that Granger's outfit and following performance raised a few eyebrows. 'Where did she learn how to do that' you ask? Many think Granger picked up her moves from highlighting at an after-hours bar in Hogsmeade. My question for her is: When does she find time to study?"  
  
Hermione drew a sharp intake of breath as she crushed the parchment in her fist. Malfoy saw 'Harry' crushing the parchment and laughed.  
  
"Don't like it, Potter? I'm hurt," he said, putting his hand over his heart, "I put many hours into this project last night."  
  
"Where did the pictures come from?" the real Harry asked through clenched teeth.  
  
"I took them myself, actually. After Friday, I heard talk about dares. I assumed that if Potter had been dared, then so had you two. I carried a camera with me all weekend and all day Monday. I wasn't surprised when I was proved correct by the Weasel's appearance." Suddenly, who Malfoy thought was Hermione launched herself at him. Malfoy jumped back in surprise just as the real Hermione and Harry grabbed Ron's robes.  
  
"Let's go," he said to Crabbe and Goyle, and they disappeared up the Grand Staircase.  
  
"I'm going to murder him," said Ron, struggling against Harry's and Hermione's hold.  
  
"Calm down," said Harry, grabbing his shoulder. "We can't do anything about it now. We'll get him back, though. I promise we'll get him back." Ron stopped struggling, and both he and Hermione turned to look at Harry.  
  
"What are we going to do?" asked Ron.  
  
"I don't know," said Harry, "but whatever we do to Snape, Malfoy will share it."  
  
****************  
  
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took me so long, but I think (repeat: think) it turned out to be one of the funniest chapters I've written in a while. Please let me know by leaving a review! Thanks!  
  
IMPORTANT!  
  
Everyone who guessed that 'Harry' was going to profess his undying love for Draco, you guys are very, very good. I hope I'm not becoming predictable! *shudder* That's the one thing I can't stand being, so I guess I'm just going to have to work harder to keep you guys on your toes. :) 


	11. Same ol' Song And Dance Routine

A/N: I'm soooooo sorry it's taken me forever to write this chapter! Geometry has been my absolute worst nightmare! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!  
  
I just want to thank you all for your continued patience. I appreciate it so much! I just hope this chapter was worth the wait!  
  
Thanks to Paula, Gryffindor620, ckat44, KDarkMaiden, Mistress-Genari, Lady Shadowlight, F75, Daxi, mystic, fitsoflaughcramps, citrinecastle, hyz, Sammy Rettop Malfoy Snape, GeekGoddess1, Sparky22424, La Pamplemousse, Silver Queen, Professor Farfie, Patatia, Velvetina, flattenedowl, xSnapeLoverx, RivanKnight, Valerie, Captain-Emily, BaYer04rulz, Elza, Kira R. Chan, Lissie89, nadia, Lyn Me, serena, Ashes Kittyhawk, Desert-Rose6, AllStarSeeker21, Autumn le Moone, creamy1, metsallanna, poetrychik, MedNar, ScarletSparrow, felinefairy911, Gelsey Greeneyes, Lady Shadowlight, Yoshi, Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure, LuciusAndSnapeRock, alicat999, lark277, potts, Lily of the Shadow, Hermie, Darkening Sky, and levans for the absolutely AMAZING reviews!  
  
I'm over 200! THANK YOU SOOOO VERY MUCH!!  
  
MESSAGES!  
  
Mistress-Genari: Thanks for adding me to your favorites! I know their revenges have been tame, but I'm having problems coming up with really good stuff. I have no earthly idea what in the world I'm going to do for the last chapter! Hopefully this chapter is a good followup for the last. And if you have any ideas, please don't hesitate to let me know!  
  
Lady Shadowlight: I'm glad your confusion is all cleared up! It was so confusing to write, so I'm sure it was as equally confusing to read. But not to worry! They're getting their bodies back!  
  
Daxi: LOL! I agree with you! What could be worse than being forced to pretend you're Brittany Spears? :)  
  
fitsoflaughcramps: I'm glad you like the story so much! I hope the pillows didn't hurt! :) Yes, I have heard of Estonia, but I have no idea where it is or anything. Feel free to enlighten me! :)  
  
citrinecastle: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Snape with breasts?!! Can you imagine? HAHAHA! I will definitely give that some thought!  
  
hyz: Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not becoming predicable! And yes, that made perfect sense! Oh, I wish I had the guts to carry out pranks like that. Unfortunately, I don't. sigh I guess that's why I let my imagination run wild.  
  
GeekGoddess1: I'm glad you love the story so much! Actually, they switch back in this chapter. I know it's mean of him to keep them like that, but that's why I love him! :)  
  
Sparky22424: I have no idea why the story cut off like that! Were you ever able to finish it? If not, I can always send the rest to you! Thanks for your wonderful review!  
  
La Pamplemousse: Thank you so much for saying that! You have no idea how much I appreciate your feedback!  
  
Silver Queen: Thank you for that suggestion! That actually has occurred to me before; the only thing stopping me is I think it would be a little hard to write. I may change my mind, though!  
  
Patatia: Thanks for telling me about the website! I visited there and it's an awesome site! I think I'm going to wait, though, until I finish the story. Thanks again!  
  
flattenedowl: LOL! Thank you so much for that great review!  
  
Valerie: Thank you so much for your amazing review, and for inspiring me in this next chapter!  
  
BaYer04rulz: Thank you for your suggestion! I would have done it, but I think everyone feels that it's about time Hermione, Harry, and Ron got put to rights. If you have anymore suggestions, please let me know!  
  
Elza: I just can't get over how WONDERFUL your reviews are. You are an author's dream!! :) I'm glad you liked the last chapter so much. And you're extremely perceptive. Yes, I subtly had Hermione beginning to respect Snape as well because her feelings for him are beginning to change. But I don't outright say that, except in the alternate chapter. LOL! Could you imagine Snape sitting in his office, listening to Brittany Spears? That's an extremely funny thought! Thank you for your amazing feedback!  
  
Lissie89: Thank you, Lis! You are such a good friend!  
  
Serena: Wow, a million reviews? That would give me a heart attack! Thank you for saying so!  
  
AllStarSeeker21: No, no one is going to die. I promise! Snape may wind up knocking one of them out, though, but certainly not kill them! :) Well, since Hermione was in Harry's body, she had to play Seeker, and Harry had to play Keeper since he was in Ron's body. I know it's confusing but they get their own bodies back in this chapter!  
  
Gryffindor620: Yeah, geometry really, really, really sucks. I am so glad it's over! I've been counting down the days 'till summer for what seems like months now. AND IT'S FINALLY HERE!!  
  
metsallanna: Proofs were tough, you're right. In fact, I thought all of it was just downright horrible. I am sooooo glad I never have to take geometry again!  
  
poetrychik: A love potion? Hmm...I will definitely think about it. Thanks for the suggestion!  
  
felinefairy91: Thanks for adding me to your favs! Sorry for the extremely long wait!  
  
Gesley Greeneyes: Actually, I just joined WIKTT, but I haven't had much of a chance to look around yet. Could I still submit it?  
  
LuciusAndSnapeRock: No, please don't delete me! I'm still breathing! I've just had an extremely rough semester and I'm so glad it's over! Thank you for your patience!  
  
alicat999: I know, I'm a terrible person. I would live in front of my computer if my mom didn't keep dragging me away to make me eat, go to school, and do homework. It's her fault, not mine! :)  
  
Hermie: The reason it said I updated is because I added an author's note to explain why I hadn't made contact in so long. But it got removed! I'm sorry for any confusion it caused! Please continue to review.  
  
levans: I'm glad it made you laugh so hard. Thank you for the suggestion! That sounds like it would definitely be interesting. :) You take care, too, and I hope everything is going well!  
  
This chapter is dedicated to Valerie, for giving me some awesome ideas, and to Linda and ckat44, my newest friends. You all rock!  
  
I have the best beta in the world!! You're just awesome, girl!  
  
Disclaimer: No matter how many times I've wished for it, the characters are still not mine! Only the plot. I also don't own "Crazy In Love" or "Lady Marmalade". walks away, sniffing back tears  
  
IMPORTANT! There is a ball in this chapter, and Harry and Hermione wind up going together, but there is nothing going on between them! They are just the best of friends, and Hermione is going to wind up with dearest Sevvie in the alternate ending, so don't worry!

* * *

Chapter 11 – 'Phase Seven'  
  
Hermione rolled over in her four-poster bed and was immediately attacked by the early-morning sunlight. She yawned sleepily as she rubbed her hand over her eyes. Suddenly, she stopped moving. Something was...different. Hermione's eyes snapped open as she sat straight up. Her vision was clear, not blurry at all, and the bed was her own. Hermione threw the covers over the side of the bed and yanked hard on the curtains. She took in her surroundings with awe and delight. She was finally back in the girls' dorm, and, most importantly, back in her own body.  
  
So as not to disturb her still-sleeping roommates, Hermione threw her fists in the air and whispered quietly, "Yes." She tip-toed across the room and down the stairs. She had to wake Harry and Ron because they, too, would be excited. Hermione knew the boys' dorm very well by now and could even find her way around in the dark quite easily, so as soon as she reached the top of the stairs she headed straight for Ron's bed.  
  
"Ron," she said, shaking his shoulder. She paused for a second, finding great joy in once again hearing her own voice as she spoke. The muffled mumble coming from deep inside the pillow drew her from her thoughts. "Ron," she tried again.  
  
"Wha'?" Ron asked, rolling over. When he saw Hermione, he yelped and jumped in surprise.  
  
"Oh Ron, isn't it wonderful?" Hermione asked, stepping away from his bed. "We're back in our own bodies, just like I said!"  
  
"We are?" he asked as if unable to believe it. He looked at her for another second before looking down at himself. "We are!" he yelled.  
  
"Sshhh!" said Hermione, throwing a glance at the other beds. "Let's wake Harry." Ron hopped out of bed and followed Hermione across the room. Hermione drew the curtains around Harry's bed aside, and Ron leaned down to shake him roughly.  
  
"Harry, wake up," he said. Harry sat straight up.  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" He looked from Ron to Hermione wildly, trying to discover the problem. He brought a hand to his face to rub his eyes but stopped moving a second later. Slowly, he reached across the bed and grabbed his glasses. Once they were in place, he looked at his two best friends.  
  
"Well," he said, "all I can say is, it's about time that spell wore off." All three laughed happily.  
  
"Oh!" Hermione said, starting toward the stairs, "I have to get dressed and head to the Great Hall. It's always deserted on Saturday morning." She winked at the boys before disappearing down the stairway.  
  
"Wanna play a game of Wizard's Chess?" Ron asked, turning to his bed to grab his clothes.  
  
"Sure," said Harry, jumping out of bed.  
  
"Looking forward to the Christmas ball tonight?" asked Harry, pulling his shirt over his head.  
  
"I sure am," said Ron, grabbing a couple of socks from under his bed.  
  
"Who are you going with again?"  
  
"Ginny's friend from Ravenclaw. Her name's Melissa-something."  
  
"She cute?"  
  
"Oh yeah," responded Ron, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.  
  
"I'm surprised Hermione agreed to it at all when Ginny asked her about it," said Harry, pulling on his socks.  
  
"She wouldn't have if she hadn't been so sure the spell was going to wear off by today. If it didn't for some reason, she was going to fake sick."  
  
"Oh," said Harry as he and Ron followed Hermione's path down the stairs and into the Common Room. Harry pulled two overstuffed recliners close together as Ron set up the chess board.  
  
"Are you going with anyone?" Ron asked as he put the pieces in place.  
  
"Nah," said Harry, sitting down in one of the chairs. "I'm not much for dancing." Ron nodded distractedly as he prodded one of his pawns forward to make its first move.  
  
"Is Hermione going with anyone?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged.  
  
"How should I know? Of the two of us, it'd be you who's more likely to know about that. You know, considering..." Ron turned red.  
  
"Please let's not talk about that," asked Ron, staring intently at the board. Harry smiled slightly.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I was going to say," started Ron, still staring at the board, "that if Hermione isn't going with anyone you could ask her to dance." Harry thought about that for a moment.  
  
"Yeah, I might," said Harry, nudging a chess piece forward.  
  
"So, Hermione's taking care of Snape, right?" asked Ron, changing the subject. "When are you getting Malfoy?"  
  
"Right after breakfast. Crabbe and Goyle usually lag behind at the table to finish whatever's left."  
  
"But how are you going to catch him off guard?" asked Ron, confused. Harry smiled evilly.  
  
"Let's just say that precious little Malfoy won't see it coming until it's too late." Ron matched Harry's mischievous smirk, then both boys grew quiet as the game intensified.  
  
A few minutes later, Harry asked, "Feels good to be back to normal, doesn't it?"  
  
"Oh, you have no idea Harry," said Ron as his knight overtook Harry's king. "Believe me, you have no idea."

* * *

"Aren't you two finished yet?" Draco whined at Crabbe and Goyle for the hundredth time in ten minutes. As was usual, breakfast had already ended and students were leaving the Great Hall in search of activities to keep them busy while Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco were still sitting at the Slytherin table. Crabbe and Goyle ignored Draco as they continued to swipe at and wolf down the contents of any bowl or plate that happened to be near. Draco sighed in exasperation.  
  
"I'm going to the Common Room," he said, standing up. "Come find me when you're finally done." Still no response from the other Slytherins. Draco rolled his eyes and walked out of the Great Hall. Most of the students had left ages ago but there were a few stragglers left, and Draco wound up walking behind a couple of fourth year Hufflepuff girls.  
  
"How are you wearing your hair?" one asked.  
  
"Oh I don't know," the other responded, flipping the subject of their discussion over her shoulder. "I was thinking of leaving it down." Draco had about had enough. He had just opened his mouth to tell them to move when a voice called out to him.  
  
"Drrraaacccooo," Draco stopped cold in the middle of the Entrance Hall. He looked around quickly but saw no one. He looked once more at the Hufflepuff girls. They had already reached the top of the Grand Staircase and were still talking about their choice of hair styles for the ball later that night. Apparently they hadn't heard the disembodied voice calling out to the platinum-blonde Slytherin standing stock still in the middle of the room. Draco didn't even breathe as he strained his ears, almost willing the voice to speak to him again. After a moment, he continued breathing as he took a step toward the staircase.  
  
"Over here," the voice called. Draco spun around wildly and watched, wide- eyed, as the hem of a cloak disappeared into a doorway and a shadow danced across the only wall he could see of the room. Draco's heart was hammering inside his chest but he didn't let that stop him. He took a determined step forward and followed that with another and another until he reached the doorway. He slowly craned his neck forward and looked into the room. It was a classroom, one that Draco hadn't even known was there. The sun was shining in brightly through the only window, glinting off the tops of the desks. Suddenly, Draco saw movement out of the corner of his eye. The same cloak was vanishing into another room. Draco swallowed hard as his heart sped up yet again. He breathed deeply and puffed out his chest before he walked to the door and looked inside. There was no window in this room; it was dark and dank and he was sure there were cobwebs in every corner and spiders crawling across the ceiling. Draco suppressed a shiver as he stepped inside. Someone (or something) was trying to get his attention.  
  
'Well,' he thought, 'they've certainly got it now.' Draco stepped into the room a little more as a single torch lit up unexpectedly and the door behind him snapped shut. Draco yelped from fright and spun around. Who he saw surprised him but only slightly. He wiped the fright from his face and sneered at the person before him.  
  
"Potter," he hissed, "what is the meaning of this?"  
  
"Well, Malfoy," Harry said, straightening away from the wall and taking a step toward Draco, "I wanted to tell you again how funny I thought that little article of yours was." Draco's brows drew together in confusion.  
  
"Oh yes, I thought it was hilarious. In fact, all three of us stayed up late rereading it and laughing about it every single night for the next week." Harry walked toward Draco and didn't stop until his nose was practically touching the other boy's. "The entire school thought it was even funnier. 'Best prank pulled in quite a while,' lots of people said." Draco's sneer was long gone, and he felt a bead of sweat start from his forehead and roll down the tip if his nose.  
  
"You know what, Malfoy? I lied. I didn't think it was funny at all; neither did Ron nor Hermione. And we're going to get you back. You're not going to see it coming, you won't know what's going to happen to you, and you won't be able to stop it." Harry walked back to the door and pulled it open, but instead of leaving the room he paused in the doorway.  
  
"Even though I didn't think your prank was very funny, I will find much pleasure in this." Harry whipped around and pointed his wand straight at Draco. He yelled an incantation and Draco watched, horrified, as baby-blue sparks shot out of the end of the wand and hit him in the chest. Harry slowly pocketed his wand and smiled at Draco.  
  
"I hope you find as much pleasure in our little prank as we did in yours." And with that, Harry was gone, leaving Draco all alone in the dark little room.

* * *

"Oh Hermione!" screeched Ginny. "You look soooo pretty!" Hermione's cheeks were suddenly tinted with red as she smiled sheepishly at Ginny.  
  
"Thanks," she said. "You look really pretty, too." In fact, both girls looked drop-dead gorgeous. Hermione was wearing a pale purple dress robe with the hems done in a deeper purple, her makeup was perfect, and she had used a spell on her hair to take out most (but not all) of the curls. She had left her hair down, and the small curls laid on her shoulders and brushed against her cheeks delicately. Ginny's dress robe was a pastel pink color, and her hair had been done in a very attractive up-do.  
  
"Thanks," Ginny said, and it was her turn to blush. "Oh, I feel so nervous. I hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of Dean tonight." Ginny and Dean had been dating for about two months.  
  
"Ginny," Hermione started as she walked to her bed to grab both of their handbags, "try not to worry. Tonight's going to be wonderful."  
  
"But how do you know?"  
  
"Just trust me," Hermione said, handing Ginny her bag. As the girls turned toward the stairs leading to the Common Room, Hermione smiled as she imagined the show in store for everyone.  
  
"Nice of Dumbledore to throw a ball for everyone before we leave for Christmas holidays, isn't it?" asked Ginny.  
  
"Yes it is," responded Hermione. "I've heard a rumor that we're also having one on Valentine's day."  
  
"Really?" Ginny asked, sounding a little excited.  
  
"Yeah," said Hermione as she and Ginny entered the Common Room. The room was crowded with students waiting to be released to the Great Hall, and even though most people were talking or moving from one side of the room to the other, they still managed to capture the attention of more than half the people in the room. Both girls blushed again, and Ginny's blush got even deeper as she caught sight of Dean moving toward her from the middle of the room. His eyes were wide and a small smile was playing across his lips.  
  
"Wow," he whispered once he had reached her. He took both of her hands in his. "You look amazing."  
  
"Thanks," Ginny whispered back. Hermione began to move away from them so as not to intrude upon their moment. She scanned the crowd for Harry and Ron and finally spotted them near the portrait hole.  
  
"Hi guys," she said as she stepped up to them.  
  
"Hey," Ron said distractedly as he ran a hand through his hair and straightened his robes.  
  
"You look really nice, Hermione," Harry said.  
  
"Thanks. You both look nice, too."  
  
"Thanks," said Harry. Ron was still messing with his hair. "Oh Ron, stop that. You've been messing with your hair for an hour." Ron looked sheepishly at Harry and dropped his hands. Then he looked at Hermione.  
  
"Wow, 'Mione. You look really nice," said Ron. Hermione smiled up at him.  
  
"Thanks," she responded as the students began to file out of the Common Room. The torches in the hallways burned red and green as little snowflakes fell from the ceiling onto the crowd of students below. There were also little fully decorated Christmas trees on almost every available surface. Hermione looked up to watch the falling snow and felt as several little flakes landed on her eyelashes and nose. She smiled as she blinked the snow away and looked back at the Great Hall doors. They were closed, and the students gathered in the Entrance Hall began moving around to find either their date or their friends. Ron moved away from Hermione and Harry to find Melissa Thatcher, Ginny's friend and Ron's date for the ball. Of course, Hermione seriously doubted Ron even remembered the girl's last name. He had gotten a really goofy grin on his face and had completely tuned Hermione out when she had pointed Melissa out to him. Even though 'Mione had been a little put out with Ron for ignoring her, she couldn't help but be happy for him.  
  
"You waiting for anyone?" Harry asked, pulling Hermione from her thoughts.  
  
"Nope," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Are you?"  
  
"Nah," said Harry, shaking his head. Suddenly, music began to play. Hermione looked back at the Great Hall doors and narrowed her eyes as she concentrated on the tune. She smiled as she recognized "White Christmas" playing softly from behind the closed doors. Harry tapped her shoulder.  
  
"What?" she asked, looking at him again. Harry nodded toward one side of the room, and as Hermione followed his gaze she caught sight of Ron standing with Melissa. They were holding hands and looking at each other adoringly. Hermione was a little surprised at Ron (since he was usually pretty shy), but she guessed that the past few weeks had more of an impact on him than she thought.  
  
"I don't think we'll be seeing much of him this evening," Harry said, also looking at Ron. "What do you say if we make a pact to stick together tonight?" Hermione smiled at him just as the Great Hall doors burst open.  
  
"Sounds good to me," she said, and she and Harry followed the rest of the students into the Great Hall. Hermione sucked in a breath at the sight before her. The usual House Tables were gone, replaced with many small tables draped in deep green cloths and surrounded with up to six chairs apiece. Each table had either a red or white candle in the center with a wreath acting as the base of the candle. There was also glitter spread along each table top and across the floor but it didn't move when you touched it or walked across it. As the light from the candles hit the glitter, the entire room seemed to glow. In Hermione's opinion, the Great Hall looked amazing. Apparently Harry shared her opinion. He whistled softly as he looked around the room. Hermione smiled as she started toward a table sitting next to the farthest wall. She put her purse on the table top and sat down. Harry waved to someone across the room and told 'Mione he would be right back.  
  
"Okay," she said, leaning back in her chair. As Harry left to mingle, Hermione looked at the Head Table. There was Hagrid (wearing a shaggy black suit 'Mione had never seen before), Sprout, Flitwick, McGonagall, Dumbledore, the DADA professor, and Severus Snape. The last met Hermione's gaze, and after a moment she smiled brightly and waved at him. His sneer returned, contempt written plainly on his face. Hermione giggled as the Great Hall filled up around her, and the music took on more of a beat you could dance to. Ginny and Dean soon joined her, but then were up just as fast dancing around the room. Harry returned a moment later with two cups of punch.  
  
"Here," he said, handing her a cup.  
  
"Thanks." She took the cup and raised it to her lips. Harry sat his on the table and held out his hand to 'Mione.  
  
"Come on," he said, nodding toward the crowd of dancing students. Hermione hesitated a split second before putting her hand in Harry's. He helped her to her feet before spinning her in place and dancing with her around the room. Hermione laughed with delight as the music kicked up another notch and a shout of approval rippled through the crowd. Before Hermione knew it, an hour had passed and her feet were throbbing, but she was having a wonderful time.  
  
"I have to sit down, Harry," she said, walking toward their table.  
  
"I'll get more punch," he said and was gone. Hermione hobbled to her seat and plopped down. Her shoes were off in the next second, and she breathed a grateful sigh.  
  
"Here you go," Harry said, handing her a fresh cup and sitting down next to her.  
  
"Thanks." She tilted the cup back and drank deeply.  
  
"Hey Hermione, look." 'Mione looked to where he was pointing. Severus Snape was not sitting at the Head Table. Hermione looked quickly around the room; there was no dark figure lurking in the corners or the slightest movement from the hem of a cloak disappearing through a doorway. She smiled brightly.  
  
"Is Malfoy still in here?" Harry looked around.  
  
"Nope, he's gone, too."  
  
"The spells should start working soon, then." The music stopped and the students cheered as the band announced that they would be taking a short break. Ginny and Dean quickly joined Harry and Hermione at the table.  
  
"My feet are killing me," Ginny said to Hermione as she sat down.  
  
"That's why I'm barefoot," Hermione said, holding one of her feet off the floor a little so Ginny could see that she was shoeless. Ginny laughed as Hermione waved her foot around. Suddenly, music started to play. Hermione recognized the tune immediately and angled her chair so she could see the stage better. The rest of the students were looking at each other, confused, and Dumbledore had risen from his chair, eyebrows drawn together. The voice of rapper Jay-Z filled the Great Hall as Beyonce's "Crazy In Love" began to play.  
  
(Jay-Z) "Yes! It's so crazy right now! Most incredibly, it's ya girl Bee. It's ya boy, young." The dark stage lit up suddenly, and in the middle of it stood Potions Professor Severus Snape. His back was to the crowd, and he was wearing a deep blue, long sleeved, sequined, one piece outfit. His hair was in a French braid, and both of his arms were thrown up above his head and clasped together. He began to sway his hips as he sang.  
  
"You ready? Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no." Snape spun around wildly to face the crowd. Hermione could see that he was wearing bright blue eye shadow and one of those decorative diamond decals at the outer corner of both eyes. The straw that broke the camel's back was the sight of Snape's exposed stomach. There wasn't an ounce of fat on him, but it was still rather shocking to see the line of fake diamond decals following the line of black hair that lead from the top of the gap in the fabric to his belly button (a good ten inches). Hermione doubled over with laughter as Snape began to shake his rear-end in the move that has become the real Beyonce's trademark.  
  
"Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no."  
  
As Jay-Z sang, "Yea, history in the making. Part 2, it's so crazy right now," Snape jumped off the stage and started making his way toward the Head Table.  
  
"I look and stare so deep in your eyes. I touch on you more and more every time. When you leave, I'm begging you not to go; call your name two-three times in a row." Hermione blinked back the tears and looked at the Head Table. Hagrid was laughing into his giant palm, as were Sprout, Flitwick, and the DADA professor. McGonagall was sitting stock still, hands clasped hard together in front of her, and her eyes were as big and round and unblinking as a cat's. Dumbledore was leaning forward in his seat slightly. His right elbow was propped on the table, and his chin was resting on his palm. His eyes were shining brighter than ever, and Hermione thought she saw a dimple in his cheek.  
  
"Such a funny thing for me to try to explain. How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame. 'Cuz I know I don't understand. Just how your love, you're doing no one else can." Snape finally made it to the Head Table, and he began making his way toward Dumbledore. As he drew nearer the Headmaster, McGonagall's eyes slowly began to narrow.  
  
"Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's got me looking so crazy right now." Snape stopped in front of Dumbledore and reached out his hand to stroke the Headmaster's cheek. "Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch. Got me looking so crazy right now. Got me hoping"- Snape began to lean toward Dumbledore-"you'll page me right now, your kiss." McGonagall flew up out of her chair as if she had been burned, but Snape didn't seem to notice. He moved away from Dumbledore and continued on down the Head Table. Hermione noticed that Dumbledore gently took McGonagall's arm and slowly re-lowered her into her chair.  
  
"Got me hoping you'll save me right now. Looking so crazy in love, got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love." As soon as Snape reached the end of the platform, he jumped to the nearest table. It was occupied by several extremely shocked Slytherins. Snape began shaking his rear-end again. "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no." Snape jumped off the table and began to walk around the Great Hall.  
  
"When I talk to my friends so quietly. Who he think he is? Look at what you did to me. Tennis shoes, don't even need to buy a new dress. If you ain't there ain't nobody else to impress. The way that you know what I thought I knew. It's the beat my heart skips when I'm with you. But I still don't understand. Just how you're doing no one else can." Snape would stop periodically while he was singing to grab a hand here or kiss a cheek there. Hermione was trying her hardest to calm down so she could watch everyone's reaction. A lot of people were smiling and laughing, but not the ones he managed to plant a kiss on. 

For example, when Snape grabbed the hand of a third year Hufflepuff boy and gave it an affectionate squeeze, 'Mione thought she was going to lose it again, and several other people actually did. The boy fell backward in his chair because he was trying to get away from the Potions Master. Snape stopped in the middle of the Great Hall and repeated the chorus once more while dancing around and spinning on the floor. It made a lot of people wish they hadn't eaten so much at dinner, especially when he attempted a split, but people were still laughing and smiling. Snape continued to "dance" as Jay-Z sang. Halfway through Jay-Z's part, Snape stopped his insane dance and started walking the room again, grabbing random people's hands along the way. Hermione suddenly noted with a slight panic that Snape was headed straight for their table.  
  
He sang, "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no," as Jay-Z's part continued. Snape finally made it to Hermione's table. He got down on his knees if front of her and grabbed both of her hands in both of his.  
  
He sang, "Got me lookin' so crazy, my baby. I'm not myself, lately I'm foolish, I don't do this. I've been playing myself, baby I don't care. 'Cuz your love's got the best of me, and baby you're making a fool of me. You got me sprung and I don't care who sees, 'cuz baby you got me, you got me, so crazy baby. Hey!" Snape stood and pulled Hermione out of her chair, still holding onto one of her hands. He spun her around and danced with her as the song finished.  
  
"Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's got me looking so crazy right now. Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch. Got me looking so crazy right now. Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss. Got me hoping you'll save me right now. Looking so crazy in love's got me looking so crazy in love." Snape dipped Hermione over his arm as he sang the last word. The entire Great Hall erupted in applause and laughter. Hermione, although slightly embarrassed, couldn't help but laugh a little herself as she watched Snape bow to just about every single table. She glanced at the Head Table. Dumbledore and the rest of the professors were on their feet giving Snape a standing ovation. All except McGonagall, who was standing quietly beside Dumbledore with her lips pursed.  
  
Then suddenly, Snape threw his right arm out and pointed to the stage. The lights rose, and a ripple of laughter ran through the Great Hall as everyone caught sight of Draco. He was wearing an old-fashioned dress (the kind women used to wear in the wild west), that was pale pink and had a slit going right up his leg to his thigh. It was painfully obvious that he was wearing fishnet stockings and pale pink, high-heeled shoes to match. He was also wearing matching gloves that went up to his elbows, and a hat (with a net veil over his face) that sat a couple of feet off of his head. He was holding onto the top of the slit, and his other hand was on the back of his hat. Music started, and Draco began singing Patti LaBelle's "Lady Marmalade".  
  
"Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister." Draco held onto the slit and hat as he began walking down the stage, dramatically kicking his legs out before him with each step he took. "Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister." Once Draco reached the end of the stage, he stepped on top of the nearest table. "He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans, struttin' her stuff on the street. She said, 'Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?' Mmm, Mmm." Draco carefully stepped in an empty chair and stepped onto the floor. He walked to the middle of the Great Hall and began doing a Can-Can like performance. Hermione, Harry, Ginny, and Dean were practically rolling in the floor.  
  
"Itchi gitchi ya ya da da. Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choca-lata ya ya. Creole Lady Marmalade. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" Draco stopped his high-kicking and began walking toward the Head Table. "Sat in her pool, watched while she freshened up. Boy drank all that night, don't know why. On the black satin sheets where he started to freak." Draco made it to the Head Table and used Snape's empty seat to step on top of the table. Draco began doing a few more modern moves as he re-sang the chorus. At one point, he even went down on one arm and threw both of his feet out (narrowly missing Flitwick's head). Everyone in the Great Hall cheered. Once the chorus was finished, Draco continued walking down the Head Table as he sang.  
  
"Hey, hey, hey. Touch of her skin feelin' silky smooth, the color of café au lait. Made the savage beast inside roar until it cried. More, more, more." Once Draco reached the end of the Head Table, he jumped to the nearest table and began making his way back toward the middle of the Great Hall.  
  
"Now he's at home doing 9 to 5, living his grey flannel life. But when he turns off to sleep, old memories keep. More, more, more." Draco reached the middle of the hall and began doing the Can-Can once more. "Itchi gitchi ya ya da da. Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choco-lata ya ya. Creole Lady Marmalade." Draco stopped his dance and headed right for Hermione's table.  
  
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? Mmm, Hmm." Draco reached their table and walked so he was standing behind Harry. He did some wild kicks over Harry's head as he finished the song. "Itchi gitchi ya ya da da. Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choco-lata ya ya." He went down on his knees next to Harry. "Creole Lady Marmalade!" He fell on the floor in an up-right fetal position as everyone broke into applause and laughter. Draco slowly stood and, like Snape, began bowing to everyone. Then he blew kisses to everyone as he slowly backed out of the Great Hall and closed the doors behind him.  
  
"Merlin, that was hilarious!" said Harry, wiping his eyes. Dean was doubled over in his seat, and Ginny was trying very hard to calm down. Ron half- walked, half-stumbled to their table, clutching at his sides.  
  
"That was priceless!" he heaved.  
  
"That was the funniest thing I've ever seen! What in the world possessed Snape and Draco to do that?" she asked, looking at Hermione, who shrugged.  
  
"It's probably better if we don't know what made them do that. Who knows? Maybe they did it because they both like dressing that way!" This brought on another fit of laughter from Harry, Ron, and Dean. Hermione giggled, too. "Seriously, though. It's probably better if we don't understand the inner workings of either one of their brains." Ginny and Hermione began laughing at Harry's and Dean's re-enactment of Snape and Ron's re-enactment of Draco.  
  
"Even though I enjoyed that immensely..." Ron started, but then just as quickly stopped as another wave of laughter consumed him. "I have to get back to Melissa."  
  
"Alright Ron. We'll see you later," Harry said. Ron patted his shoulder and was gone.  
  
"I need some air," Hermione said, wiping her eyes. "Want to join me?"  
  
"Yeah," said Harry, unable to control his smile. "Let's go." They exited unnoticed through the Great Hall doors. Once in the courtyard that had been especially set up for that night (i.e.: it was somehow magically enclosed so it was cut off from the cold). Even though the area surrounding the courtyard had to be in the teens, the courtyard area itself was nice and warm, and there was even snow, but this was warm snow. And there was such a pretty view of the stars. Hermione sighed with content as she sat down on a nearby bench and looked at the sky. The stars and a couple of nearby green and red torches were the only sources of light. It was just so...peaceful and romantic. Harry stopped walking next to Hermione's bench, and slowly lowered himself down next to her.  
  
"Wasn't that hilarious?" Hermione asked, smiling. Harry grinned at her.  
  
"Yes, it was funny. I thought Ron was going to explode when Draco began doing the Can-Can." They began laughing together.  
  
"You're such a good friend, Hermione," Harry said, wiping a tear from his eye.  
  
"So are you, Harry. So are you," responded Hermione, smiling at one of her very best friends. Suddenly, a velvety voice spoke to them from the darkness.  
  
"How touching," said Severus Snape. Hermione about jumped out of her skin. She and Harry stood up quickly from the bench and turned to face their potions professor. Even with the stars and torches, it was still quite dark, and all Hermione could see of Snape was a shadowy outline. What she could see, however, was that Snape was back to his normal dress and his hair was no longer in a braid. Suddenly, an image of Snape standing midstage, arms thrown above his head, his flat stomach completely exposed, and light glinting slightly off the diamond decals jumped into 'Mione's mind. She bit down hard on her lower lip, but the corners of her mouth still quirked up slightly. Apparently, Snape had the vison of a cat because he noticed the slight change in her expression.  
  
"Found that amusing, did you, Miss Granger? I don't think you'll find nearly as much amusement in waiting on me hand-and-foot." Hermione's amused expression disappeared, only to be replaced with one of confusion.  
  
"What do you mean?" Snape's wand came out of nowhere. The courtyard was suddenly ablaze with yellow sparks as Hermione threw her hands up in front of her face to protect herself.  
  
"There," he said, pocketing his wand. "I do believe I will be seeing you two again soon." Hermione's mouth fell open as she looked at Snape. The light from the green torch danced across his features for only a moment, but it was long enough to tell that his expression was...different. He wasn't wearing his usual smirk, or "glare of death", or even a grimace. He looked like he was actually smiling. It was a little smile, but a smile nevertheless. Hermione felt absolutely floored as she watched Snape walk away. And...Merlin, was that a small chuckle she heard coming from him? No, not Professor Snape! Hermione was suddenly experiencing an entire range of emotions: surprise, confusion, slight fear, and even happiness. That last one she couldn't explain, nor could she explain the smile that suddenly made its way onto her face.

* * *

Back in the Great Hall, Dumbledore and McGonagall were talking quietly at the Head Table.  
  
"I don't like it, Albus. Something very odd has been going on with him this year. And what in the world got into Mr. Malfoy?" McGonagall whispered. Dumbledore smiled at her and patted her hand reassuringly.  
  
"Don't worry about Severus, Minerva. Everything is perfectly under control. As for Mr. Malfoy, I do believe that was his payback for that article. Plus, I think I've just solved a little mystery."  
  
"What mystery?" Dumbledore's eyes sparkled brightly.  
  
"I believe I just figured out who the other original party is in Hermione's game of dares." McGonagall looked at him, confused.  
  
"Don't worry about it Minerva, dear. Just try and enjoy the rest of the ball." McGonagall gave him a suspicious glance before turning to talk to Flitwick. Dumbledore picked up his cup and brought it to his lips.  
  
"And it's about bloody time he had a little fun in his life," he whispered.

* * *

In the Gryffindor Common Room...  
  
"Guys!" Ron yelled, running quickly up the stairs leading to the boys' dorm. He found Hermione and Harry playing a card game on Harry's bed. "Snape ambushed me! He jumped out at me as I was headed back here and hit me with yellow sparks!"  
  
"He got us, too, Ron," said Hermione, returning her attention to their game.  
  
"Great. This is just great!" He plopped down on Harry's bed next to 'Mione and continued to complain. "I really hit it off with Melissa tonight, and if Snape gets in the way of that, I'm going to murder him." Harry hummed in his throat as he studied the cards he held in his hand.  
  
"What do you think it is this time?" Ron asked, dread quite evident in his voice.  
  
"I have no earthly idea. Snape said something about waiting on him hand-and- foot, so..."  
  
"He's turned us into house elves!" shouted Ron.  
  
"No, I don't think that's it," said Harry. "He wants to humiliate us, and if we were house elves then no one would know it was us. What fun would that be for him?" Hermione nodded, agreeing.  
  
"That makes sense. I guess we'll just have to wait and see."  
  
"Bugger all, I'm really beginning to hate that phrase," Ron said as he grabbed one of Harry's pillows and buried his face in it.

* * *

Severus awoke bright and early the next morning. Everyone had gone home for Christmas, except the teachers and a few other students. Draco had been the first one on the train the day of departure. Oh, Snape had heard in great detail what had transpired after his own little 'performance'. Nevertheless, he smiled and was just getting out of bed when there was a knock at the door to his private chambers. He grabbed his Slytherin-colored robe and slipped his arms inside as he strode toward the door. He wasn't angry about the intrusion, though, because he knew exactly who was on the other side of the door and why.  
  
As he pulled the door open, he was hit with a chorused, "Merry Christmas, sir!" and a fistful of fake snow. He stepped back to allow them inside as he brushed the snow from his hair and off of his robe. Snape watched as first Miss Granger, then Mr. Potter, and finally Mr. Weasley entered his room, then turned toward him, smiling brightly. He looked all three from head to foot. They were all wearing a red and white Santa hat, with a green and red elf outfit, and pointy shoes to top everything off. Their hands were clasped behind their backs, like soldiers waiting for their first assignment. Snape smiled wickedly. Now this he was going to enjoy. He slowly lowered himself into his favorite recliner, and looked at them a moment before speaking.  
  
"Miss Granger, fetch my breakfast."  
  
"Yes, sir!" she said, and was off like a flash for the kitchens. Snape smiled, delighted.  
  
"Mr. Potter, shine my shoes."  
  
"Yes, sir!" Harry turned and headed for Snape's closet.  
  
"And Mr. Weasley..." Snape paused to think. "Tidy up my chambers."  
  
"Yes, sir!" said Ron. He began running around Snape's room, dusting random objects and finding things to put right. Snape's smile grew even wider as Hermione returned and served him his breakfast. His expression changed, however, as he looked at his food. It was all of his favorite breakfast foods. But how did she know? Not even the house elves could keep it straight! Snape watched Hermione as she ran around the room with Ron, finding things to do to keep busy. Snape began shaking his head back and forth as he brought the first fork full to his mouth.  
  
'Strange girl,' he thought. 'Strange but amazing girl.'

* * *

The spell Snape had cast on the trio wore off by nine o'clock every night but would be back in full force the next morning. It was brilliant. Unfortunately, there was a side effect he hadn't counted on. The spell was just supposed to make them happy but obedient, and unable to resist carrying out an order from Snape himself. Instead of just looking happy and smiling at everyone, they actually began hugging people; Snape in particular. The first time it happened, they were all standing in the Entrance Hall, putting up Christmas decorations (Flitwick had asked for a little extra help, and Snape was happy to oblige). Hermione's wall was looking very nice, and Snape decided to compliment her. Big mistake.  
  
"That's very nice, Miss Granger." Hermione turned toward Snape slowly and looked up at him. Snape jumped back in surprise to notice the glint of happy tears.  
  
"Oh, thank you professor!" Hermione shouted, throwing herself at Snape and grabbing him around the middle in a huge hug.  
  
"Get off me!" he yelled trying to dislodge her.  
  
Suddenly, Ron yelled, "It's a hugfest!" and went barreling toward Snape and 'Mione. Since Ron was taller than Hermione, his arms wrapped around Snape's chest from the side, pinning his left arm to his side.  
  
"Let me go!" He continued to struggle.  
  
"Did I hear someone say 'hugfest'?" asked Harry. He, too, ran right at them and got Snape from his other side (his arms landed right below Ron's), pinning his right arm down. Snape began jumping up and down in the middle of the Entrance Hall, trying to get them to let go. As if that wasn't horrible enough, the Headmaster decided to make his entrance at just that moment. He was looking at the four with an amused smile and bright, twinkling eyes.  
  
"Eh, problem, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, looking at Harry, Ron, and Hermione wrapped around Severus's middle.  
  
"No, Headmaster," Snape lied, trying to wiggle free. "No problem at all."  
  
"I see. Well, everything looks wonderful. Good job, you three." Suddenly, they pulled away from Snape and launched themselves at Dumbledore. He quickly raised his arms, and they began hugging him profusely.  
  
"Thank you!" they chorused together.  
  
"You're quite welcome, quite welcome." He patted each of them on the head, and they released him. Snape stared, dumbstruck. "Well, I'll let you get back to it then, Severus." Dumbledore then left, leaving him with the three Gryffindors who he felt like he could murder. Nevertheless, he was prepared the next time it happened. Ron hugged Snape after he helped Ron pick up scrap pieces of paper. Snape told Ron he was welcome and patted his head. Just like that, Ron released him. Although the hugging got a little annoying, Snape really enjoyed having the three at his every beck and call for the entire two weeks of Christmas vacation. He even stretched the spell so it would last until the day everyone returned to the school. Snape gave them the final task of greeting the students as they entered the Entrance Hall. He stood at the very top of the Grand Staircase and watched as Hermione, Harry, and Ron greeted as many students as possible with an enthusiastic "Welcome back!" and a giant hug. Snape smiled.

* * *

'Things have got to be better by now, right? I mean, come on! It's been over two weeks since it happened. It's old news! Oh please, please let it be old news!' Draco thought, looking up at the tall doors with dread. Those two days before everyone else left for Christmas vacation were horrible. Whispers, comments, and snickering had followed him through all the corridors. There were hand drawn pictures of him in that dress doing the Can-Can and even ones of him kicking his leg over Harry's head magically stuck to the walls all over the place! The only place he could escape the images was in the boys' dorm in the Common Room. But he couldn't find complete escape even there. The other boys he roomed with constantly gave him weird looks, even Crabbe and Goyle. And he had been avoiding Harry Potter at all costs. He wasn't even planning revenge.  
  
'As long as things have calmed down and nothing else happens,' he thought, starting up the front steps. 'Nothing else will happen, so don't think like that!' Draco was starting to feel pretty confident. At least, until he got into the Entrance Hall. He immediately spotted Ron and Hermione in their elf outfits and hats, hugging everyone. Thank goodness he didn't see Harry, but there was no way he was getting hugged by either one of them! Draco began sliding toward the other end of the Entrance Hall, keeping both eyes on Ron and Hermione to make sure he hadn't been spotted. Just as he was beginning to feel confident again, he suddenly ran into someone. He turned around, and his heart nearly stopped. There stood Harry Potter, in an outfit exactly like Ron's and Hermione's.  
  
"Welcome back, Draco!" he shouted loudly. "You have been missed!" Even though the students didn't stop walking toward the Great Hall, laughter, shouts, and catcalls broke out all over the room as several began humming "Lady Marmalade". Draco felt his face begin to burn with rage.  
  
"Get off me!" he yelled, pushing Harry hard before continuing on to the Great Hall. Pansy showed up just as Draco sat down.  
  
"Oh Draco! I saw that horrible display in the Entrance Hall! How dare Potter, making fun of you like that?" Draco didn't say anything. He only started at the table very, very hard. "Draco?" Pansy repeated. Draco lifted his head to meet her gaze, and she jumped back in surprise when she saw the hatred seeping from his eyes.  
  
"Don't worry about Potter, Pansy. I will make him pay. Believe me, he will pay."

* * *

That's it for chapter 11! Did you love it? Hate it? Please just let me know what you thought! School is out now, so I'm hoping I'll have more time to write, BUT...  
  
PLEASE READ!! I have been accepted into a program through school where I will be taking classes at a college away from home for six weeks. I leave June 13th, so I have no idea if I will be able to update while I'm gone. I hope so but I don't know! If anyone wants to get in touch with me while I'm gone, e-mail me at agriculturechick(little "at" symbol goes here - it's not working for some reason)yahoo.com. Thanks everyone!! 


	12. Alternate Scenes

Alternate scenes for chapter 11. Rating: somewhere in-between PG and PG-13 – slight cussing

* * *

'Why am I even here? Why does he always do this to me?' Snape wondered for the hundredth as he finished off his fourth cup of punch (and the Great Hall doors hadn't even opened yet). He was, of course, referring to Dumbledore. 'I don't do anything except sit here! Why do I even have to come at all?' If it were up to Snape, he would be in his precious dungeons, working on...something. Well, whatever he wound up doing wouldn't be nearly as big a waste of time as this was! The Great Hall doors suddenly burst open, and in poured the throng of students. Snape swished the contents of his fifth cup of punch around as he looked over the students. He watched as they split up, looking for friends or dates or to be the first to claim a table. How...utterly boring.  
  
Then suddenly, Snape saw her. He sat up straighter to get a better look. She was in the middle of the crowd, but you couldn't miss her. She outshone everyone around her. Snape felt his breath slowly leave his body as he watched Hermione glide to a table that was sitting near the wall farthest from the Great Hall doors. She set her purse down and lowered herself into a seat. He began studying the way the little curls she had left in her hair danced against her cheeks and rested on her shoulders. She was the most gorgeous creature he had ever laid eyes on, and he couldn't stop looking at her. In fact, he had been so focused on just looking at her, breathing in the sight of her, that he didn't even notice that she was looking down the Head Table until she reached him. He was so caught off guard that he couldn't do anything except meet her gaze. No glares, no sneers, just eyes locked upon beautiful eyes. Suddenly, the moment was over. Hermione smiled and waved to him, and Snape forced himself to glare at her so no one would get suspicious; especially her. Then Potter showed up with drinks.  
  
'Wow. The boy actually has manners?' The joke rang hollow to his ears, and he polished off his punch. He nearly spit it out, though, when Potter held out his hand to Hermione. Severus had to grip the table hard to keep from leaping across is and ripping Hermione from that boy's grips. Instead, he excused himself and slipped out the door behind the Head Table. It lead him right to his dungeons, and he breathed a grateful sigh. He built a fire in the fireplace and settled down in front of it with something a little stronger than punch. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't stop his thoughts.  
  
When exactly had he fallen for that Miss-Know-It-All Hermione Granger? Not even Snape could say. All he knew was that his feelings for her had definitely changed. He had never seen her display such courage, or wit, or so much of a backbone until this whole pranking thing got started. Truth was, he was having the time of his life! He loved watching Hermione try to outwit him. Damn, even he'd had to work at times to outsmart her. She was just so clever, so smart, so...so...  
  
'So young and beautiful!' the tiny, annoying voice in his head spoke up. 'What would she ever see in a dried up old man like you?' Snape grimaced.  
  
"I have no idea," he spoke out loud as he finished off the Scotch and tossed the glass into the fire. "But a man can dream, right?" Suddenly, Snape's conscious mind was pushed back. He was forced to watch as his body (no longer under his control) got up from the couch and went into his room.

* * *

"I need some air," Hermione said, wiping her eyes. "Want to join me?"  
  
"No thanks, Hermione. I'll be fine," Harry said, wiping at his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I'm positive," he said. "Go on." So Hermione slipped out the Great Hall doors unnoticed. The courtyard looked amazing, and it was completely cutoff from everything else so it was actually warm. Hermione looked up at the sky. There was an amazing view of the stars. Hermione settled down onto a nearby bench and looked around. The stars were pretty much the only source of light, except for a green torch at one end of the courtyard and a red one at the other. Hermione let her thoughts wander. The first thing that popped into her mind was of Snape. She first saw him standing midstage, arms thrown above his head, his flat stomach completely exposed, and light glinting slightly off the diamond decals. Hermione giggled, then an unexpected thought hit her. Snape's stomach was so flat, and Hermione thought she even saw the very faint outline of a six pack. Hermione suddenly imagined a shirtless Snape, and she herself was running her hands from his shoulders, down his chest, across his well-muscled stomach, and then even further down to the top of his pants. She saw Snape simultaneously bring his hands up to cup her face gently and begin to lower his mouth toward hers. Suddenly, Hermione sat up ramrod straight on the bench.  
  
'What am I thinking?' she wondered, bringing a hand to her forehead and pulling her fingers away. They were slightly damp from the sweat she had broken out into. Well, it's not like she had never noticed that Snape was...attractive, to say the least. And the most brilliant man (besides Dumbledore himself) she had ever met. In fact, she had caught herself several times just sitting in potions class, staring at Snape and wondering just what it was that made him tick. Luckily though, she had pulled herself from her musings before Snape could notice. That little...daydream, I guess you could call it, was the most vivid mental image she'd ever had of Snape that didn't involve his torture or premature demise (but that was in her second year and a very long time ago). This image had made her knees go completely weak and left her stomach all tied up in knots. Those knots jumped into her throat when the silky voice that was beginning to haunt her dreams spoke from behind her.  
  
"Enjoying the view?" he asked. Hermione jumped up and off the bench. She whipped around to face Snape, and when she caught sight of him, her knees went all weak again.  
  
'What the hell is wrong with me?' she wondered, but didn't dare voice it out loud. Instead, she looked the Potions Master up and down, making sure he was back to normal. Little did she realize the effect her scrutiny had on Severus. His blood began to boil.  
  
"Back to normal, I see," she commented, looking up at what she could see of his face. She thought she saw his eyes narrow slightly.  
  
"Yes, quite perfectly in every single way." It was Hermione's turn to narrow her eyes. That was not, could not be slight innuendo coming from Snape. Could it? The knots tightened in Hermione's stomach.  
  
"Yes, well...I better be going back inside," she said, and began to turn around. Snape took a step toward her.  
  
"Not so fast. You didn't honestly think I would let you get away that easy, did you?" Hermione began to turn around to face Snape once more, but she ran right into him instead. Instinctively, Snape reached out and grabbed her left arm to keep her from falling. Hermione threw her right arm out and grabbed onto him.  
  
"Thank you, Prof–" Hermione caught sight of Snape's face, and the rest of her words died in her throat. His eyes were incredibly wide, and it looked like there was a fire burning in them. Hermione looked to were he was holding her arm. His grip was not at all tight but soft and gentle, and there was a slow fire starting from where he held her and continuing on up her arm. Then she looked to where her hand had fallen. It was about the middle of the lower half of his stomach (probably right above his belly button), and she could feel the hard, tight muscles underneath her fist. Then she looked up at his face once more, and her gaze fell onto his lips. She had never wanted to be kissed so much as she did at that moment. Snape, however, quickly came to his wits. He released Hermione and stepped back away from her.  
  
"I think it's time you headed back to your dormitory," he said. Hermione couldn't say anything. Instead, she turned and walked back to the door. When she was barely five feet away from the castle, Snape called out to her.  
  
"Oh and Miss Granger!" Hermione turned around. Snape said the incantation, and both watched as the yellow sparks reached her. Hermione felt a little shocked. Snape turned and began walking away.  
  
"And if you see your friends before I do, there is no point in warning them." With that, he was gone, disappeared into the night.

* * *

The rest of the chapter continues just like the original story. And before anyone asks, the reason Snape still tells Hermione to get off him when she first hugs him is because he is afraid someone will see.  
  
Please review and let me know if I did a good job! 


End file.
